Serenity

“What am I supposed to know? What do you need to give me?”

“Serenity.”

Throughout the week following the reiki was… interesting. I tried to meditate, but I struggled to find the peace I needed. 

Serenity…

That word kept rolling around in my head. I could feel it when people were around me. I could hear them speak to me. Every once in a while they would let me see them. But I could feel myself growing frustrated. I wanted so much to understand this new gift I was given, but my analytical mind was struggling to accept this new reality. 

One night I sat in bed, frustrated again at finding ash all over myself. My new plight had seemed to be an inability to avoid ash no matter where I went. My teeth began to chatter as I sat in a sweatshirt and comfy pants. A violent chill passed through me. Taking this as an opportunity, I quickly grabbed some crystals and searched out a place of solitude. Once I found a space, I quickly put on some music and sat down. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, with a crystal clutched in each hand.

A raven flew past my vision and I was back by the river. A small hut now sat in the clearing with a small fire raging in the cool, crisp night. I looked around and saw my raven sitting on a wooden perch. I glanced up at the trees expecting to see more ravens. However, hundreds of souls sat in their place. Men, women, and even children stared down at me with hollow eyes. 

“They hold the key.” My head snapped to see the handsome, young Viking standing before me.

“I came here for answers, not riddles,” I answered harshly. 

The Viking smiled, “You already have the answer, Völva.” My breath caught in my throat. I spent most of my life studying different myths and religions, so I knew immediately what he meant. A Völva was one of the most respected and feared women in all of Norse mythology. Seeress who were able to speak to the gods… and the dead. 

“What did you just call me,” I asked cautiously. 

“Go in the tent and see for yourself what you must know.” Growing frustrated I stormed my way into the tent. An old woman with silver hair sat on a stool. She looked up at me with warm eyes. This woman was breathtakingly beautiful. 

“Come sit,” her voice was sweet like honey and I felt entranced by her presence. I walked over and sat down on a small wooden stool. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

“Seems to be everyone is. For what,” I studied her face, “I can’t seem to figure out.”

“In time you will see the way.”

“But what if I don’t have time.”

“You will always have time.”

“That’s great advice, thank you,” I could tell this woman was growing tired of my hostility. “Will you at least tell me your name?”

“Always so preoccupied with names and faces, but what is in a name. What do they all matter… when they are teaching you all you need to know.”

“Yes, but I don’t understand what it is I’m supposed to know!” I exclaimed in utter frustration. 

“Give it time. All will come to you.”

I quickly grabbed the woman’s hand and licked her palm. “Tell me all you know seer.”

The woman reeled back and stood up. “I am not the seer,” she spoke sternly. We stared at each other for a moment, before she left the hut. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding and finally took a moment to look down at my clothes. I wore a loose linen shirt and dark tight pants. My hair was braided tightly in a warrior style. I stood up and walked out of the hut. 

“I’m sorry,” I spoke sincerely to the woman’s back. She was sitting by a bucket of water, doing laundry. “I am just trying to understand.” I looked over towards the raven who was staring at me. A vision started to form behind him. I walked closer to my raven trying to make what he was trying to show me. “You’re my guide,” I whispered softly as I stroked the bird’s head. The vision played out before me like a film. I stood in a white dress, with my hair piled atop my head. I held a sword and I was speaking in a dead language. I turned and cut the neck of the goat at my feet. 

A sacrifice to the Gods…

I looked away from the vision and back to the woman, who was still cleaning her clothes. I walked back over to her and sat by her feet. “I’m sorry, Amma. I’m just trying to understand. I didn’t mean any disrespect.” I could feel tears in my eyes as I looked up at her. 

She smiled softly and touched my face tenderly, “You remembered.” I gasped as I watched the thousands of ravens fly from the trees surrounding me. 

Amma…

Völva…

I am the Seer…