Secrets of the Soul

Ella had always been a good girl, listening to her mother and doing as she was told. She completed her homework on time, earned perfect grades, helped out those in need, and gave when she could. She was exactly the respectable daughter her mother raised her to be.

Everyone had secrets, though. Sometimes, they were minor. Sometimes, they were life-altering. Sometimes, they were just plain weird and downright hilarious. But, at the end of the day, each and every person had them.

Sometimes individuals kept them to themselves so loved ones weren't hurt. Maybe people didn't know who to tell or how to find the right words. Maybe they were afraid that others will judge them or that people would think they were crazy.

Even the most reserved people had a secret or two they keep hidden from the world. Maybe it was a fond memory from long ago. Maybe it was a secret regret. Maybe it was a secret desire that they couldn't quite explain. Maybe it was a secret someone was too afraid to even admit to themselves.

Ella was no different. Good girl or not, she’d kept a long-term secret hidden away from her mother for years. It was easy at first to keep her two lives separate, acting as the doting daughter she’d been assigned. As time passed, it grew harder and harder to contain with the secret bubbling to the surface, begging to be spilled.

Looking around her childhood room, Ella took a deep breath, hardening her resolve. Enough was enough, and it was time for change. She had been hiding this secret from her mother, but Ella hoped she would understand.

Ella wasn’t quite the person her mother imagined. I’m not who she thinks I am, Ella mused with a wry sense of humor. She wasn’t just the obedient daughter her mother raised her to be. A rebellious streak sprouted one day, continuing to grow until it was nearly uncontrollable. Mischief began to tempt her, but she didn’t want to stop.

As time passed, Ella realized that, deep down, she was the kind of person who couldn’t be tamed. Sure, she could put on quite the act. Ella had mastered the role of being the quiet one in the room, but what her mother didn’t realize was that Ella could also be the one to break the norm. Ella could be the perfect daughter, but breaking the rules thrilled her to her core. Rules are meant to be broken, after all.

Rules had a purpose, but people weren’t meant to live inauthentically. People were meant to be genuine, yet society often had everyone putting on facades, pretending to be people they’re not. One person could go from one persona to the next and then the next all within one afternoon, depending on the situation.

Ella’s soul screamed for release, to let her true colors illuminate the world in all their glory. She had deliberated over the right worlds to tell her mother. Ella nervously nibbled her lip. Despite her deep desire to be authentic, she didn’t want to hurt her mother. Breaking her mother’s heart was the last thing she ever wanted to do.

The uncertainty of how her mother would take the truth always caused her to hesitate. She knew pretending wasn’t the answer. Even if her mother couldn’t accept her for who she really was, she knew she couldn’t keep being something she wasn’t.

It was time to be real. The real Ella was straining at the restrictions childhood had placed on her, and she refused to be confined any longer. She refused to be a prisoner for anyone or anything. No more masks. No more pretending. No more hiding. It was time to shine. It was time to be finally free.

Resolved, Ella decided today was the day to finally rip off the bandage. Waiting was only prolonging the suffering. She couldn't stand the internal torment any longer. Ella recognized that her rebellious side might disappoint her mother, but she knew, deep down, her mother would still love her.

Her hand began to tremble as she pulled out a pen and paper. There was no going back. Not allowing herself to chicken out, Ella began to pour her soul onto the page.

She hoped that by finally confessing her secret that her mother would finally see the real Ella—the one that had been hidden from her eyes for so long. She prayed her mother would accept her for who she really was.

Steadying her hand, Ella began her over-due confession letter,

“Hey, Mom. I’ve never told you this before, but there’s more to your perfect daughter. I’m still the loving, kind daughter you’ve raised, but I have a rebellious streak that is tantalized by risk-taking and breaking rules…”