RISING

Warmth could be sensed in just the slightest degree. It seeped slowly through rubble and muck.

A nagging sensation tugged at a cloudy subconscious. Simultaneously, a physical urge to move overcame the smallest of atoms. A microscopic shift could be felt, and the smallest of pebbles moved to the side creating a ripple effect of energy. The feeling continued pulling with noticeable force. The heavy clouds shifted from misty charcoal to a subtle yellow and back again. A flash of warmth. Soft, dewy warmth.

It was immediate. The subtle heat called to the rest of the cells, rousing them into action. More. The goal was simply more warmth. That was all, but at the moment, it was everything. Why? A dark, navy spot appeared amongst the gray. This simple shift formed another nagging sensation. Something different.

The warmth would make sense.

The cold, dark earth that pushed down onto the surrounding space gave more of a reference for the next step. That sensation of pressure combined another link of consciousness within my vessel.

When did this happen? As far as I could feel, there was no end to the amount of earth in my energy field. Except right above it. Somehow, I knew. Somehow, I had to get to the warmth.

There.

Now…

Move.

These were not exactly words and not quite thoughts. At this point, it was the remnants of instincts that had been long forgotten and were now slowly being uncovered. Instincts that trudged determinedly through the colorfully, morphing clouds.

I acknowledged this intrinsic and growing power. Almost instantly, more clumps of rock trickled farther away from my energy field. With every minute movement made, the field grew larger, and colors multiplied. The clouds were no longer lazily moving around but were now swirling with growing speed.

Bright, blurry images and shapeless figures continued to appear and move around. A muffled growl filled the space, weaving in and out of range with each change in the flow of colors. The parade of flashes seemed to help the growing awareness. It contrasted the previous dank and dark scene in my mind's eye. This was better. Much better than the vast abyss.

And then it wasn’t.

A heavy, dark wave appeared from nowhere and flattened the clouds. Slamming them down and forming a wall. An impenetrable mist was now at the forefront of my consciousness. The wall seemed to have been painted with striking colors. Multiple shades of energy that could not be deciphered yet. Shadowed in severely foreboding colors and unable to push past this, an uncomfortable sensation antagonized every awakened nerve in my vessel. Everything slowed. I then witnessed the mist morph into what I needed to see.

The shadow wall served as a backdrop. Long, golden rays of soft orange dripped out of a small, dark blue circle that stood in the middle of the shadows and fell at an angle against the wall. The beams were speckled with fragments, all twinkling in an endless rhythm.

The circle was like a portal that hinted at a new space leading somewhere beyond that obscuring wall. I knew this because the morphing image provided a reason to move, however, unbeknownst to my growing consciousness as to why. It simply was felt deep within my core. I knew that it would lead to the warmth that I was seeking.

That intuitive knowledge triggered a reason to reach upwards, towards the openness that I had sensed almost an eternity ago. It was now just in a different form, something that drove my craving. That’s when I noticed the beams of light pouring down into empty space. The specks were floating up and out in the opposite direction. At this point, they expanded without limits and were floating beyond the borders of the beams and back again. They continued to float higher, through the portal and out of sight. I wanted to follow them. I wanted to be as light as them. I pushed forward towards the dripping rays without hesitation.

This was accompanied by the feeling of the cold earth being transferred away from me. It was as if it moved beneath me at the same time, pushing me up towards my goal. Slowly it was helping me rise higher. I urged my energy to keep the momentum, stretching the absolute limit of each and every cell.

The portal never shifted or swayed like the previous visions. It never morphed with new colors. I was tracking any possible change in the form that I knew I would find my escape. Everything remained stable, or as stable as any subconscious dream can be. It was only the particles that swayed on a loop. Focus. I scrutinized those microscopic specks. Each with its own destiny, awaiting it somewhere else.

That’s when I finally noticed that they weren’t just dust particles floating in synchronized waves. But dark bits of matter, a blackened bit of… something.

I was so entranced by the way that the breeze took the delicate particles away with ease, through the alluring window that I didn’t notice the flickering luminescent form moving slowly from the depths of the empty space below. I had an awestruck feeling that I hadn’t felt before. Something new. A small shift in perspective flooded my consciousness with more information and it worked tirelessly to process all the new sensory inputs. In the next moment, I was hit with the intensity of an uncomfortable dryness. Unlike the dewy warmth I was searching for, this new sensation was encasing my maturing field of energy and it was constricting my growth.

I wanted nothing more than to dive out the window towards softness and space, but it was then that I was able to really take in what was making the light dust turn into a black, swirling cloud. The luminescent form took the shape of a bright and vibrantly dressed creature. It had perched itself right below the window. Its eyes resembled celestial bodies, sparkling a crimson red with an ice blue center. Two clawed wings were covered in silk smooth plumage, each individually glistening with a golden sheen. Blades of sunshine. Arms of warmth, ready for an embrace.

Large, intricate feathers covered the tail area resembling robes fit for a goddess. Swirling and twisting markings around its head and eyes formed a repetitive and intricate pattern that only nature could design. The same delicate plumage could be seen at the base of the creature’s neck as well, a few rays created a veil that seemed to stretch beyond my awareness. They flexed and moved to grow into a crown of pure, unbridled beauty.

The rhythmic movements grew, arching and gaining speed. Eventually, she unfolded her enormous wings to span an area that seemed larger than the window itself. She was leaving. Not only was she moving on to the unknown world beyond the window, but she was also leaving behind a growing inferno. Flames fell from her like molted feathers, and they were grasping at everything in their path. That’s what was causing the confining tightness to be even more unbearable.

I had to follow her. I needed to. Or I don’t know what would happen next. Again, I was caught being so focused on one individual moment that I couldn’t see the rest of what was going on.

Feel.

And then… the tightness morphed into pain. My first conscious feeling of anything remotely physical. The flames had reached me, and they were quickly moving towards my center. With each lick came a piercing sharpness that sent blinding flashes of yellow across my mind’s eye. Without any hesitation, I reached towards the being who was responsible for this new creation in my very new reality. As soon as I made contact with the celestial creature, my vessel exploded within itself. I was burning from the inside out. The black plumes of smoke were now being made up of my essence.

The sound of a growl returned but this time there was nothing to delay it from reaching my soul. A roar erupted from within as layers of my vessel burned away, floating out with the rest of this universe. I was left raw from the foreign sound and the feeling of my being, slowly turning into ash.

The firebird’s wings fanned the flames and as she lifted me upwards with her, I finally felt the energy being released from all around me. I felt as one with the creature. The fire had driven away any residual heaviness that kept me restrained. I was leaving the abyss behind.