Relapse

Stella sat at the kitchen table with a clear zip lock bag in front of her. For the past hour, she had been trying not to bite through her lip as she constantly switched her gaze between the contents of the bag and the clock on the wall. Eric would be home any minute now, and Stella had to try not to burst a blood vessel upon seeing him.

As if on cue, his cheery tone rang through the house as he opened the door.

“Hey Honey, I’m home!” Stella took a deep breath and moved her gaze to the stairwell, waiting for Eric to emerge.

Even his jog up the stairs was oblivious, acting as though everything was fine. Stella was sure that, to him, everything was. After all, he wasn’t the one who found a stash of various drugs while cleaning the house.

“Hey-“ Eric’s tone fell as he saw Stella’s stone-like expression. Her eyes still on him, waiting, he glanced down slightly, and his eyes widened when he spotted the bag.

“What the hell are you doing with my stuff?” He snapped, charging over as he reached for the table. Stella quickly slid backwards out of her seat, pulling the bag away with her. Her eyes bored into Eric’s soul as she clenched her jaw. Eric dropped his extended hand and backed away slightly, but not enough to be completely out of reach of his bag.

“You said you quit.” Stella said finally, every word sharp and shaky as she continued to stare down her husband.

“Stella, Honey, I did. It must be old, I had no idea-“

“Bullshit. How long? Did you ever even quit?” She tried her best to will the tears in her eyes away. Eric had his hands up like Stella was aiming a gun at him, and in a way she was.

“I swear I had no idea there was anything left, just give me the bag, I’ll throw it out,” Eric took a step towards her, reaching out and motioning for her to pass him the bag. Stella took a long step back, holding the bag back above her, like keeping a toy out of reach from a toddler.

“Eric, don’t you dare take another step,” Stella growled. “You and I both know you knew about it, so stop playing dumb.”

“I’ll quit,” Eric lowered his hands down as he accepted defeat.

“You said that last time, and the time before, and the time before that. How am I supposed to believe you?”

“Baby, I love you, I’ll do it for you-“ Stella let out a huff, a disbelieving smile on her face as she shook her head.

“You kept this right under our heads, in our bedroom, you lied to me and slept next to me with this hiding in your goddamn pillow. If you loved me you would have had the decency to not keep it in our fucking bedroom.”

“I didn’t think, I just-“

“You never do! The last time you relapsed we nearly went under! Every penny you didn’t spend on drugs went towards putting you through rehab. How could you do this to yourself again? How could you do this to us again?” Stella’s stare softened as she waited for Eric’s reply, hoping he would say anything, give her one excuse that made sense. Eric stayed silent, his head bowed down and his eyes on the hardwood floor beneath them.

“It’s been three years, I thought you were clean for three years, just to find the worst stash yet. When did this start?” Stella pleaded, narrowing down her question like a prayer would be answered.

“I was clean, I was, I swear, but I’m sick. I need it. It’s like there’s an itch I can’t scratch without them,” Eric pleaded as he looked back up at Stella.

“No it’s an itch you want to scratch with them. I know being sober isn’t easy, but there are so many other options that you refuse to take.”

“Nothing would work the same!” Eric defended.

“You never even tried!” Stella sobbed, crunching the bag slightly in her grasp. “Therapy, working out, non-addictive medication, you won’t even try anything else, of course you’re going to fall back into old habits.”

“You don’t understand,” Eric pleaded, his own eyes welling with tears now.

“How long?” She repeated sternly.

“A few months ago.” Eric didn’t look Stella in the eyes as he spoke, but he could feel her heart shatter all the same as she took a shaky breath.

“What happened after more than two and a half years of being sober that starting again was a good idea?”

“I just couldn’t resist the urge anymore…” Eric said as he fiddled with his ring, frustrated that it was the truth.

“Okay.” Stella’s voice was steady. “Look at me.”

Eric obliged and he felt his own heart break slightly as Stella held the bag up next to her.

“You have a choice, the last one I will ever give you. You can come to me and stay with the woman who has fought for you for the last twelve years, even when you didn’t want to fight for yourself. You can come to me and choose to get clean for the last time, you’ll go to rehab, therapy, all of it and maybe the last ten years of marriage will all have been worth something,” Stella lifted the bag a little higher and looked at it.

“Or you can throw it all away and go for the bag,” Stella looked back to Eric and swallowed hard. “And if you do, I am done. I will walk out that door and we will never have a relationship again.”

With that, Stella tossed the bag past Eric, his entire body turning as he followed its path in the air until it hit the floor by the stove.

“Make your choice,” Stella prompted, her voice calm despite the way her heart raced in her chest, her fear and hope making her nauseous. Part of her hoped he’d choose the bag, that losing her would push him to getting clean for good this time.

Eric turned back to Stella for a moment, his head falling to the side slightly as he silently begged for her forgiveness. Stella stood frozen as Eric spun around and slid to his knees as he picked up the plastic bag and examined the contents inside for any damage.

Stella swallowed her tongue to prevent a sob from escaping. She shakily slid off her wedding ring and set it on the kitchen table, trying not to look at the man she loved as he looked at the bag of narcotics like they were the most precious things in the world.

“I’ll be by when you’re at work to collect my things and I’ll leave my key when I’m done.” Stella picked up her purse that hung on the top of the staircase railing, and looked in Eric’s direction one last time, incapable of looking at him directly.

“I’ll leave enough money in the joint account to check yourself into rehab… but I think we both know where that money will actually go.”

Eric stood quickly, and with him standing beside the sink, Stella looked at him with hope one last time. Eric opened his mouth to say something but let out a sigh instead as he nodded.

Stella started to descend the stairwell, Eric following to the stop of the stairs to watch her walk down and put her shoes on. Part of both of them still holding onto hope that they would change their minds, that they would be able to power through.

It wasn’t until Stella was out the door, willing herself to shut it, that Eric finally spoke.

“In sickness and in health, remember?” He pleaded, part of him begging her to stay because he loved her, part of him hating himself for saying anything because of the exact same reason.

“I have,” Stella looked up at him, tears making her blue eyes shine before they trickled down her cheeks. “But I can’t watch you kill yourself anymore. I hope you get better, and I hope you find someone who you love enough to live for.”

Before Eric could respond, Stella closed the door.