Real Men

"Hurry up, Jimmy-boy! Rise and shine! We are leaving in 15!"

"Ah, it's 5 in the morning, this is ridiculous! It's sooooo early!” - thought Jimmy while trying his best to open even just one of his eyes. A sweet dream where he was riding a jet-black Harley on the hilly roads just outside Colorado Springs was gone forever...

It was still dark outside and the freezing September wind crept in through the ventilation above the bed. It rained overnight, and the damp air made Jimmy shiver as soon as he got out of bed.

The day has come... The day that Jimmy secretly hoped would never come. The reality of what was about to happen hit hard, and Jimmy felt an already familiar knot of anxiety in his stomach.

"I wish mum was here to save me from this..."

The smell of bacon and eggs sizzling on the frying pan underlined the importance of this day, at least for Doug, who was whistling a melody that sounded like "Smoke on the Water" and seemed to be in an elevated mood.

"If you do good today, we might be havin’ steak for dinner, Jimbo! C'mon now, chop-chop! No time to waste. The early bird gets the worm, right? And then we get the bird! Haha!"

"Do I really have to do this, dad? Is there any other way?" - Jimmy was standing in the bathroom doorway, with a blue plastic toothbrush in his hand.

"Are you gonna complain again? Huh? I do everything for you, workin’ two jobs, breakin’ my neck to feed you the crap you like. And what do I get in return? No respect, no gratitude, no nothing! Now stop whining and get dressed, I won't be asking twice!" - barked Doug.

The sun was cautiously peeking from behind the horizon and sharing its first rays of light with the world. The silence in the car was only punctuated by the knocking of the front suspension methodically counting every pothole. Doug was driving like a maniac and running red lights. Rusty brown Jeep Grand Cherokee was skidding on the damp asphalt.

"Thank God the roads are empty at this time, otherwise he'd get us both killed. I cannot stand this piece of junk car. I hate this day..." - Jimmy was clutching his seatbelt so hard that his knuckles turned white.

"Oh, don't be such a wuss, Jimmy-boy! Real men aren't afraid of speed! Real men know how to handle a fast car!" - shouted Doug over the revving V8 and grinned.

When they were out of the city the sky cleared up and was now an envious shade of blue. It looked like it was going to be a beautiful Saturday. Jimmy thought of his friend Sara-Lee, who was probably just waking up now, in her cute PJs and with her silky blonde hair a mess after a good-night's sleep.

Jimmy just assumed the PJs were cute, he's never actually been to Sara-Lee's house or seen her PJs. They weren't friends either, just classmates. But Jimmy hoped that he could charm her somehow and kiss her on the lips. He was practicing his smile and "confidence poses" every day in front of the bathroom mirror, trying to find "his best angles", as the Google search results advised. He never talked to Doug about any of this though.

Doug used Midland Expressway to get out of Colorado Springs, and they soon passed Manitou Springs with Mt Manitou looking majestic on the horizon. Then past Cascade-Chipita Park and Crystola and onto Highway 67 at Woodland Park.

"Where exactly are we headed?" - asked Jimmy, who realized he forgot to pee when leaving the house.

"Don't you worry, we'll be there very soon! It is a special place, my dad used to take me there all the time when I was your age!" - said Doug and kissed his two fingers pointing at the sky, saying hi to his father. He was finishing his third Marlboro and the thick smoke was starting to make Jimmy's eyes sting.

Groaning of the Jeeps's suspension became even more dramatic when they turned off the highway and onto the gravel road leading to Pike-San Isabel National Forest. The beer bottles in the back were playing a truly avantgarde piece of jazz and the engine was misfiring to match the twisted beat. Very soon the road was barely visible and the forest took over. Towering pines and spruce with their emerald green needles glistening in the dappled sunlight were the kings and queens here.

"And here we are!" - Doug slammed the brakes and killed the engine. The squeak of his door was way too loud for this undisturbed forest and the birds in the nearby canopy had to scatter.

"Dad? Maybe we could just go for a walk? Hike up the hills, enjoy the views?" - Jimmy felt his heart thumping in his chest and his ears were ringing.

"C'mon, Jimbo! I didn't drive all this way for nothing! Stop whining, you are getting on my nerves!" - Doug snapped. He opened a bottle of Coors with his teeth and the beer spilt onto his red flannel shirt. "Goddamit!"

"Here, you will carry the backpack with my beer. You can have one later!" - said Doug and opened the trunk. He took a Remington .22 bolt-action rifle out of the grey tarp, wiped both sides of the scope with his shirt, loaded the round and put the box with the rest of the ammo into his back pocket.

The backpack was heavy and Jimmy was out of breath almost immediately. The sun was beating down and Jimmy's black Jurassic Park t-shirt was getting drenched.

"I still don't understand how shooting an innocent animal will prove that I became a grown-up... Why do I have to prove anything? I am 14! I don't feel like a grown-up at all, I still live with you and go to school!" - Jimmy was desperate.

"It's that liberal school of yours putting all this nonsense into your dumb teenage head! I knew it! Innocent animals? We men hunted them for thousands of years. What's wrong with that? We are the top-of-the-chain species, we have the God-given right to do what we please with a gun in our hands. This is America, boy! And you ought to be grateful to live in the best damn country in the world!"

Doug was getting agitated and Jimmy decided to stop talking, otherwise things could get physical.

He used to love being in the wilderness with his mom when he was a kid. They would drive out, hike to a beautiful vista and have a picnic, just the two of them under the vast Western sky. Every time Jimmy thought about those blissful times, he couldn't hold back tears. So he tried to suppress these memories. Boys don't cry, right?

The deeper into the forest they went, the denser it became. Very soon barely any sunlight passed through the canopy. Pines, firs and spruces here were much taller than the tallest buildings in downtown Colorado Springs and their tops were slowly moving in the south-eastern wind, as if dancing to a 1990s rock ballad.

"Shhh... stop!" - suddenly whispered Doug and crouched down. Jimmy froze, afraid to make any move that would upset Doug further. "Look, there, behind that raspberry bush!"

At first Jimmy couldn't see anything. But then, all of a sudden, he caught a little flicker of a pair of ears above the bush.

"A deer! Oh my God, no..." - Jimmy's hands were shaking.

"Hey, do you remember what I taught you?" - whispered Doug. - "Here, take the rifle, but keep quiet! Look into the scope, lock onto the target, breathe out and squeeze the trigger. Don't yank it, just squeeze gently!"

The rifle felt heavier than anything Jimmy has ever held in his short but eventful life. The gunstock was warm and smelt of cigarettes. Long and narrow barrel was catching the sun and Jimmy sincerely hoped that this poor deer will see the glint and run as fast as it learned to. The scope was blurry and tears that started forming rivulets on Jimmy's cheeks only made it worse. He tried to raise the gun and aim, but his hands refused to obey him.

"I can't do it..."

"WHAT are you waiting for?!" - whisper-shouted Doug and started to lean towards Jimmy, reaching out his hand.

Suddenly everything became very clear.

"Run!"

Time froze for a briefest of moments and then unfroze with the loudest bang. The gun went off when Jimmy unclasped his hands and dropped it on the ground.

"RUN!"

Doug was shouting something and waving his hands, but Jimmy wasn't afraid anymore. In fact, he knew very well that Doug wasn't capable of running farther than the next room, where the minibar was located.

The air smelt different - so fresh and invigorating! Fragrant aroma of the pine trees was tickling Jimmy's nostrils. His heart was ready to jump out of his mouth. The deer was long gone.

Jimmy ran so fast that his right Converse became untied. The burden of knowing that there's no way back was heavy. Doug would kill him. Not figuratively. No, he would literally kill him. Probably strangle him with his bare hands and bury him in the backyard, under the apple tree. And then tell everyone that Jimmy went to visit his distant relatives in Idaho, or something along those lines. His father was a violent alcoholic with a very short fuse and a nasty gambling habit.

The forest floor covered with a carpet of needles was still quite slippery after the overnight rain. Long and knotty roots of the trees looked like fingers of a thousand-year-old giant...

Gravity has finally won this race and Jimmy went tumbling down like a wounded animal.

And then the lights went out.

Jimmy could still see the trees moving from side to side in the wind, but he was now observing them from above, floating effortlessly. And it was dark outside, so calm and blissful. And the only sound was the gentle south-eastern wind whistling and the canopies murmuring.

He woke up in a shallow ditch, with an excruciating pain in his right ankle and a deep cut on his left forearm. The sun was setting and the pine trees were glittering gold in the evening light filtering through. The beer bottles fell out from the backpack, all smashed and scattered across on the ground, reflecting the sunset in newly-formed concave mirrors.

It took Jimmy quite some time to gather all his strength and stand up.

"Don't be afraid!" - a thought sounded in Jimmy's head, like a radio just turned on.

"Who is this?" - Jimmy asked out loud, but his voice gave out before he could repeat his question. His mouth was as dry as mouths get.

"You don't need to strain your voice; we can hear you without you speaking. We won't hurt you!" - the voice was getting clearer and gained more depth.

"Am I dreaming? Who are you?"

"We are the custodians of this place. We've been here a long time. We protect this land from all dangers. You were about to shoot a deer earlier. Is that so?"

"Oh no, no no.... I wasn't... It's my dad, he wants me to shoot an animal to prove that I am old enough. It's awful, I know, I know. It's so cruel and I could never do it. I ran away... and I fell. My ankle hurts so much!"

Jimmy's ears were still ringing, but the voice in his head sounded very clear now.

"We believe you. You meant no harm."

The pain in Jimmy's ankle slowly subsided and he was able to stand up properly.

"Did you do that? My ankle doesn't hurt anymore!"

"We can heal any wounds, as long as your heart is pure. We cannot help those of you who come here with an ulterior motive. So many of our friends were cut down or shot. We've been here for thousands of years - and we will protect our land at all costs. We will slightly alter the landscape so the hunters get lost easily. We will jam the chainsaws loggers use, invade their thoughts and persuade them to turn around."

Jimmy thought that this must be the weirdest dream he ever had.

"You are wide awake; this is not a dream."

"What should I do? Dad will kill me..."

"Your father won't hurt you; we won't let him. Our friends are blocking his way here, he will never find you. We are keeping an eye on him, don't worry."

"I don't want to go back... I cannot live with him anymore. I need to find a way to get to Seattle; I can stay with aunt Gloria for a while, she was always so kind to me. I wish mum was here with me..."

"Your mother came to this land quite a lot, with you and on her own. We couldn't save her that night. We are sorry."

"You saw the crash?? Oh my God..."

"The road was icy and it was snowing. It all happened too quickly and we have failed to help her."

The sun has set and it was getting dark and cold very quickly. The birds started their evening routines.

No longer able to hold it all inside, Jimmy fell to his knees and wept like he never wept before. All the years of regret, guilt and mourning came streaming out of him. All the suppressed emotions, all the bitterness, all the anger.

"I miss her so much... I don't understand why it had to be her! She was always such a careful driver... This is so unfair..."

"It was an accident. Your mother is here with us, she is a part of this land now and she is watching over you, Jimmy."

"Can I talk to her? Please!"

"You are talking to her now; she’s a part of our collective consciousness. And she will light the way for you. Just follow the light till you reach the road."

There were little yellow and blue lights dancing among the trees, just like fireflies, but much brighter.

"I will hitchhike to Seattle. I am not going back to Colorado Springs, ever. I can do this; I am a grown-up now." – thought Jimmy, expecting at least some sort of encouragement. But the voice in his head was quiet.

Despite the rapidly dropping temperature, Jimmy felt warmth inside; a special kind of glow in his heart. And the knot of anxiety in his stomach untangled itself.

He kept walking along the luminous path, one step at a time, underneath a starlit sky.

And his mother kept walking beside him.