Please Don't Say Goodbye But Say See You Later

Velvety dark brown eyes stared back at Nona, tranquil to a spectator who can only acknowledge the surface while offering no explanation for an undercurrent. There was so much more to be read into those tubular shaped eyes that held so much depth that intrigued Nona from the moment she’d caught sight of the familiar piece. No other painting that furnished the walls of the small art gallery stood out as much as the barn owl with its wings stretched wide, dipping into the lucid wind. Freedom is the first word that comes to mind as she observed the smallest of details. Every color, from the bronze and white feathers and chocolate brown undertones lapping one another, sprinkled with black freckles contrasted perfectly with the surrounding charcoal black and maroon tones.

“So, I see you like that painting.” Sa’Lee broke the silence, distracting Nona from her thoughts.

“Yeah, this painting is admirable with the color scheme and the story it tells.” Nona said with admiration, silking her tone.

“I knew you’d love coming here, I’d do anything to make your smile reach your eyes again.” Sa’Lee admitted after seeing the same look that she’d seen a million times on her late sister, Latrice’s face.

It had been three long, painful years since Latrice had passed away after losing her battle to lung cancer. She and Nona had always been close, especially since they were only five years apart. Nona viewed her as more of an older sister, a person who she could confide in without the fear of hearing her secrets living in someone else's conversations. Latrice was a wildcard, the opposite of Nona but always encouraged her to let loose and just be free. Latrice was wise beyond her years and a woman of stature whose absence impacted Nona’s life in the worst way.

“I still smile sometimes, auntie,” Nona argued.

“You know what I’m trying to say, sweetheart. It's been three years as of last month, you have to let her go, Nona.” Sa’Lee softened her tone as she delivered some advice.

“Three years… And it feels like she died yesterday, it still hurts the same. Thank you for your sentiment aunt Sa’Lee but please stop telling me to let her go.” Nona replied in a brittle tone as she began to walk ahead to create a distance between herself and Sa’Lee. Everyone who knows Nona is aware that talking about Latrice is a sensitive topic for her. She avoided the topic as if it was the plague.

At home, Nona restlessly lays awake while blankly staring at the ceiling, consumed by so many thoughts and emotions running rampant in her mind, each one pouring down in clusters, compromising any serene thought that claims any space. Anger and guilt mirrored the sadness that had its roots deeply planted. In her mind, her actions and thoughts are no different than any other grieving person but in reality, she shut everyone else out while shutting herself in. There hasn’t been one night without her pillows being soaked from tears.

Nona’s relationship with her mom and her aunt Sa’Lee was nothing to brag about. Their relationships were nonexistent after Nona confided in a school counselor several years ago as an adolescent about how her mom was getting beat by her stepdad who’d also beat her and her younger brother whenever he would get drunk. She also told about guns and drugs that she saw within the household. CPS had gotten involved, temporarily removing Nona and her brother from the home. When the time had come to stand before a judge Nadia, her mom managed to convince Sa’Lee to side with her, deeming Nona as a liar and a troubled teen. While Nadia was ordered to take parenting classes along with drug addictions and alcohol anonymous classes, Nona and her brother had been placed in foster care where they were separated.

Two weeks would pass before Nona would resurface to the outside world only to hear that her aunt Sa’Lee had been in a car accident and was unresponsive. The news was overwhelming. The world around her seemed to have turned black as the ground shifted beneath her. It took her almost thirty minutes to make it to the hospital where her aunt was.

“Hello and welcome to Greendale hospital. How can I help you?” The brunette sitting behind the honey colored wooden desk greeted after noticing a panicked Nona standing before her with tears pouring heavy from her eyes.

“Hi… She managed to say through tears. “My name is Nona Williams and I’m here to see Sa’Lee Johnson.”

“And who are you to her?” The smiling receptionist asked as she wrote on a small, green rectangular visitors pass.

“I’m her niece,” She answered, extending her hand to retrieve the pass.

Once she placed the sticker on the breast of her shirt, a nearby security guard ushered her through a single, heavy metal door. The hospital’s hallway gave her shivers as it reminded her of the many times that she’d walked down the same gloomy hallways when she accompanied Latrice on her chemotherapy appointments. The stale smell of commercial soap and an indescribable chemical littered the air of the hospital, knotting her stomach with every step.

She walked into a medium sized room with the white, bold number 115 stationary at the center of the wooden door. The room was bright from the opened blinds. Everything around her was only a blur as she focused her attention on Sa’Lee who lay still in the hospital bed. The beep of the monitor had a steady beat as the numbers on the screen frequently changed. She could see the rise and fall of Sa’Lee’s stomach through the thin, white sheet. Sa’Lee’s head was covered with a white bandage as a large mask covered at least fifty percent of her face. Around her eyes were green and purple bruising with swelling making her unrecognizable. Nona sat in the cushioned chair at the left hand side of Sa’Lee’s bed as she weeped. She never thought she’d cry so much for her. Nona thought that the love she held for Sa’Lee couldn’t hold a candle to the love she felt for Latrice. Seeing her in that hospital bed changed something as she held onto Sa’Lee’s cold hand.

All of the crying must have put Nona to sleep she realized after waking to see her mom standing beside her.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you, I was just stopping by to-

Nona didn’t give Nadia the opportunity to finish what she was saying as she crowded her space to give her a hug. It was silent but it said every unspoken word and bond that had been left asunder. Nadia hugged her back, crying into her shoulder. Nona left after they embraced one another without speaking a word but they both could feel a difference.

Nona drove home, crying the entire ride. The look of anguish on Nadia’s face spoke volumes to Nona. She thought about how she's been so wrapped up in how she felt, how life’s mishaps slaughtered her sanity, and how different her life is after everything but had never paid attention to how everyone else felt or how the tragedies affected them. Back at home, she rummaged through the two small boxes that she’d held on to after Latrice’s death. After what seemed like forever, she found what she was looking for, a small brown envelope with her name on it. She kept telling herself that she was going to open it but never really had the courage to do so. It was from Latrice, mailed to her three days after Latrice's funeral. She kissed it before shoving the overturned boxes to the side.

Nona sat in front of her computer with an empty wine glass, contemplating refilling it although the warm feeling and calmness had already taken over. Before she could talk herself out of it, she opened the envelope revealing a small black USB flash drive, something she had already known before opening the envelope. After plugging it in, Latrice's face took over the screen with her background showing an eastern redbud tree fully bloomed in all its beauty.

"Hi, Nona... If you're watching this then that time must have came. I'm only imagining you watching it long after my death." Latrice said while smiling that same infectious smile that could light up an entire room.

Nona smiled as tears slowly made their way down her face.

Latrice went on to say that she wanted Nona to start living life and be the life of the party like she was meant to be. She'd also touched basis on how it was past time that the family reunited and forgive one another because nobody is promised tomorrow. The ending is what took her breath when Latrice explained that she bought a house out in the country side of town that she renovated and bought new furniture. She explained that she had a barn and horses there that she setup to be taken care of by people she hired. She paid them a salary that would end in five years after her death, by that time she figured Nona would be okay to take care of things on her own.

The following morning, Nona drove out to the house that Latrice spoke of, loving the beauty before her eyes. There sat a large, two story house surrounded by a lot of beautiful land, scenic like a perfectly polished portrait. She also noticed that there was a small barn that sat off to the back. It was the normal farmhouse, made of wood but in better shape than the average one.

The house had Latrice's touch. Different pictures decorating the walls, some of art while others were photos in picture frames of the family. The furniture was covered with thin white sheets. The cherry wood floors were freshly polished, every wall was painted white just as Nona would want. There were new light fixtures and the familiar smell of pine sol danced in the air. The kitchen had an old setting with a chandelier from the 80's hanging from the ceiling above the table. There was a stone backdrop at the kitchen sink while the fossil gray countertops were marble.

When night time fell, it didn't take long for Nona to get comfortable in the master bedroom, sinking into the king sized pillow top bed with a silk comforter and bed sheet. There was a mountain of pillows just how she liked it. Just as her eyes were closing, she could hear the hoot of an owl. The first thought that had come to mind was the art piece that she'd seen only weeks ago. She immediately rolled out of bed, putting on her slippers before letting her feet touch the cool floor as she followed the sound.

Once inside the barn, Nona noticed an owl standing on a hay stack and not on a top beam as she naturally expected. She also noticed a painting easel settled against the wall near what looked to be other paintings covered by white sheets. Every measured step that she had taken made a crackling sound from the hay all over the floor. To her surprise, the owl did not fly away. It stood there, allowing her to inch closer. It seemed to be familiar to human company. The owl let off small hoots, anticipating connection. Nona was excited but fearful at the same time before finding the courage to reach out and rub the owl’s head.

Within the blink of an eye, the owl flew onto Nona’s outstretched arm causing her to sharply inhale from the quick movement. Before that moment, she had never had close contact with a wild animal if it wasn’t a dog or a cat. After getting familiar with the barn owl and naming what she assumed to be a female, Kenzie, she walked toward the covered art.

There was a large unfinished framed art piece that only had a set of hazel brown eyes. The rest were finished pieces of the house she was now residing in and the land surrounding it. There was also a picture of the owl she’d just met with the words “Nona, she reminds me of you.” After the cool air began whipping her, she made her way back to the house.

Everyday after the first night in the barn, Nona had bugun spending hours in the barn talking to Kenzie and painting as she sipped wine. It had been three years since she’d last picked up a paint brush to paint. With every stroke of the brush and every squishing sound of the paint hitting the canvas, she smiled. It reminded her of the times that she and Latrice spent together. It also reminded her of the rush she felt the very first time she painted on a canvas that Nadia bought her for Christmas before.

Nona had begun to feel again. The numbness was leaving and peace was beginning to take over. After the first week of visiting the barn, she began speaking on the phone with her mom. She was turning the house into a home with each passing day. The resentment that she harbored for Sa’Lee was fading along with the hate that she held for her stepdad. She was beginning to realize that it was time to stop blaming everybody for everything that happened in her life and to stop feeling like people owed her something.

It would take two months before she would visit Latrice’s grave site and it wasn’t easy but it wasn’t as hard as it had been three years ago.

The manicured shamrock green grass surrounded every headstone, each looking like a replica of the other. Nona had worn the perfect funeral dress, what she was supposed to wear to Latrice’s funeral but opted out of going at the very last minute. It was too hard for her at the time but now it was due time to pay her respect and relieve herself from the burden she carried for years.

She stood before the dark gabbro stone, large in width but short in height, carved in gold and read “Latrice Santos, a wife, a mother, and a beautiful soul… Gone but never forgotten.” Nona stood the finished art piece that started with a set of hazel brown eyes. The finished piece displayed Nona herself standing beside a transparent Latrice holding Kenzie on her arm with a big smile stretching her face. Their background featured the house that Latrice left her. Nona sat indian style in front of the stone before pulling a piece of paper from her jacket pocket.

“Latrice, you know that I’ve never been really good at expressing myself but bear with me please…” She said, feeling more open than she ever had.

“I have never known a friend until I met you. I’ve never felt the need to change until I met you. For a long time I’ve been feeling guilty for being mad at you for leaving me here in this unfair world. I hated that the last time I talked to you, I laid out all my problems on you while you were in that hospital bed dying. It wasn’t until recently that I was able to see my pride, my errors. For so long, I’ve been a prisoner by fear, a prisoner of unforgiveness, a prisoner of everything that troubled me but not one time have I thought about what other people were going through. I remember you calling me out for my selfishness once and I took offense to it instead of welcoming the truth and I didn’t talk to you for a week. So much time wasted. I can be so stupid and such a spoiled brat sometimes. Look what I’m doing now, making everything about me again. I’m sorry auntie, I love you and I always will. For some reason, I think you knew what I needed… You knew that there would be a time that I see things for what they are and not what I want them to be. I felt alone, betrayed, depressed, disloyal and without my only best friend. And then I went to a art gallery with aunt Sa’Lee and I saw a picture of an owl that reminded me of all the things that are like you. It reminded me of freedom, the way the wings spread and the confidence striking his pose. You know, I looked up the meaning of seeing an owl after a loved one dies or after a funeral and do you know what the internet said it meant? It means Owls represent wisdom, knowledge, change, transformation, intuitive development, and trusting the mystery. They are tied to the spiritual symbolism of “death” which brings about new beginnings with a higher understanding and evolved perspective. Owls can show up when you are being asked to listen to your intuition. You know what my intuition is? I will see you again but not too soon okay… So I wasn’t happy with our last words with each other but these are mine to you auntie. Please don’t say goodbye but say I’ll see you later. This isn’t the end but only the beginning.”

With all of that being said, Nona rose to her feet and kissed the headstone before walking away. She was able to find peace, love, and forgiveness within that short time of living in the house that she now calls home and she vows to hold on to that for as long as she lives.

The End

Owl Symbolism: The Hidden Spiritual Meaning & Significancehttps://crystalclearintuition.com › owl-meaning