Night Terrors

I watched myself die last night; I died on Tuesday as well.

As a matter of fact, I have watched myself die 17 times in the last month. Each one more gruesome and violent than the last. The first couple times I died, as you would expect, were really unnerving. I could see what was happening before it happened and I began to frantically yell and scream at my dreaming self, to wake up and watch out. I flailed around anxiously warning myself to "stay out of that room" or "look behind you." Twice, I did my best to stop myself from drinking from random or abandoned bottles that I knew had been poisoned, and every time, I helplessly watched in horror, as I disregarded my cries and died.

Last night's dream was the worst yet. I dreamt I was explaining my dreams to my therapist, learning to work through the anxiety that might be causing me to have such violent dreams. She was walking me through some solutions to try, when out of nowhere, a dark figure appeared in the corner of her office. My whole mood shifted, and I stopped speaking, beginning to focus on what the shadow was doing. She calmly asked me to ignore it and proceed with the process we were working on.

She is the professional, so I took a few deep breaths and felt myself swallow hard and continued. The shadow continued to move about the room, undetected by her, so I nervously closed my eyes and continued with our session.

That is when the floor squeaked, directly in front of where I was sitting. Sure that they were footsteps; I opened my eyes in time to see the flashing of a blade just behind her chair. Before I could scream out a warning, the shadow slashed the blade across her neck, leaving her slumped in a puddle of her own blood. I screamed and jumped up to help, but as I reached for her, security grabbed me and threw me down onto the floor. I tried my best to explain myself as they drove my face harder into the carpet to shut me up.

It seems as if it was yet another illusion my mind had created.

Fearing that while lost in my confusion and in the event I might try to hurt her, she had alerted security to intervein. They arrived as I was grabbing for her, (trying to help from the attack of the shadowy figure, that no one else could see.)

She explained to me that my condition was beyond her expertise, and that she was going to have me admitted for a 48-hour watch, for my safety, and hers. I tried my best to change her mind, but as the meds hit my blood stream, I became completely lost to my dreams.

As the medicine began to weaken, I became acutely aware of where she had sent me. I'd been surrendered as a ward of the State, indefinitely committed to the Psych ward at the State's Mental Institution.

I knew I was in big trouble.

When the day nurse signed off, and the time came for the night nurse to make her rounds, I began to cry uncontrollably. It was the shadow, and I was trapped, completely tangled up in the arm restraints as it entered the room. In the darkness all I was able to see was its flashy, steel grin, as she lifted the blade to my neck.