Neoseagan Nana

Lavender knew it was a mistake coming to Nana’s house on a diet. The aroma of fried chicken filled her kitchen. Nana’s kettle was always hot. Her cookie jars were never empty.

Nana pushed herself from the recliner. Reaching out towards the thermometer, she looked over at Lavender and asked, “Would you like your favourite nuggets?”

“No thanks, Nana,” Lavender said, shaking her hands, despite salivating. “I’m a Neoseagan now.”

“Neon’s eden?” Nana adjusted her hearing aids and leaned forward. “You’re a what?”

“Neoseagan.”

“Leo the seagul?” Nana tilted her head, then shook it in confusion.

Lavender raised her voice. “Neo-Sea-Gan.”

“And what’s that?” Nana asked.

“It’s a new diet from TikTok,” Lavender explained. “Everyone I know that’s been on it has lost lots of weight.”

“Why is it so special?”

“You can only consume 10 foods.” Lavender counted each food with her fingers out. “Oats, salmon, cashew nuts, sweet potatoes, broccoli, cauliflower, blueberries, pomegranates, tofu and cabbage. No tea, coffee, alcohol or juice. All fats, salts and sugars are banned.”

“What about drinks?”

“Water only!”

“Is that a real thing, or this one of your made-up stories?”

Lavender bit her lip. “I did create the diet.”

Nana stormed into the kitchen. “Challenge accepted.”

Within half an hour, Nana announced dinner was ready. She prepared Lavender grilled cauliflower with homegrown cabbage and oats blended with broccoli.

“Thank you, Nana!”

“And just in case you’re peckish later!” Nana slammed a bowl of hot nuggets besides the neosegan dish. “Enjoy!”