Mony

I made my greatest financial discovery ever just by listening to an older song.

Yes, I was listening to “Mony, Mony” and wondering just what exactly mony was. It sounds similar to money and is spelled similarly, it’s just missing the E.

I inquired about Mony to anyone who would listen. Finally, I found a wise, old man who said he knew the answers to what Mony was for he had invented it.

Mony was, indeed, a form of money, as he explained it. It was money but just missing the E. Due to it only having 80% of the letters that money had, it resulted in having the same competitive value. For every one money you have, one Mony is worth 80% of that.

Each one Mony used to cost one dollar. So, it was a bad transaction. You bought one Mony for one dollar and it’s worth was 80 cents. Most people purchased Mony for the sentimental value. For its rocking good time. So, it didn’t matter. But if they tried resell it, they usually lost out on 20 cents for each one.

Today, “Mony, Mony” is considered a relic. Both the original and the cover. Music has progressed. Music has changed. “Mony, Mony” isn’t what’s “in taste” to the young consumers of today. So, Mony’s purchasing cost is now as low as 20 cents! But if you find people who still love good music from decades ago, you can still resell Monys for 80 cents!

So, I’ve been finding all the Monys I can, buying them from young, dumb musicians who don’t understand their true value. And then I’m finding old musicians, and older people who appreciate older music, and selling them off. Making 60 cents each Mony.

Now, 60 cents doesn’t sound like a huge profit but it’s basically all off minimal effort. I just locate a Mony, buy it, turn around, sell it. Minimal effort, decent profit. In order for it to pay off, I have to buy in bulk. Luckily, “Mony, Mony” is a song with two Monys per title. Current radio DJ’s are so young and think “classic hits back in the day” refers to songs off Drake’s first album. They don’t even know what they’re holding when they clutch the wax in their fingertips with “Mony, Mony” written across the top.

I buy it. 40 cents. $1.60 sale. $1.20 profit. All the radio stations have a surplus of “Mony, Mony” records that they don’t know what to do with… that’s when I swoop in and buy them all. Even better, some places have the lyrics to the song and are clueless as to what to do with that. You ever hear how many Monys are in the song “Mony, Mony”? A lot. They sell those to me for just 50 cents and I make a killing when I turn around and sell that.

Some people blast young audiences for their taste in music. They say music has lost its art form. I say… I don’t care. And thank you, young music listeners! Your oblivious-selves are helping to make me a very rich man.

I’m rolling in Mony, Mony.

And subsequently… rolling in money, money.

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For information on how to roll in Mony, Mony yourself, just pick up the telephone and call your local DJ!

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