MIRAGE

"Hmmmn...stooop," Constance said hesitantly as his lips crashed on hers. She perceived the now familiar scent of his mouth; a musk scent that would normally have drawn her to suck on his tongue and swallow his saliva but now nauseated her as it wafted through her nostrils. She pushed his chest and peeled his hands from her waist and picked up her wrapper which had fallen off her body in the process as she hurried out of the bedroom to the kitchen, leaving the door open. She switched on ‘oju ti nepa’- an improvised battery-powered lamp mounted on a wood, a cheaper alternative to torchlight and generator in the face of stable blackouts- that she positioned permanently near the light switch and moved straight towards the stove on the kitchen slab. She lifted the lid of the pot on fire and hurriedly put it back as the heat burnt her hand.

"Just a little more heat will do," she thought as she slowly increased the wick of the stove. She turned to the cabinet above and brought out the plastic in which she poured Semolina. She placed it on the slab a little distance away from the stove.

She was lucky that Reina, with whom she shared the compound had travelled to meet her husband. Reina was newlywed and in her first trimester. They both worked in the school; Reina was a Mathematics teacher while Constance taught English Language. They had both come to serve their fatherland during their one-year mandatory service and had both been retained afterwards. They had been neighbors for nearly two years now; before Reina got married and even before she, Constance met Desmond. There was no love lost between them so she would not have wanted Reina to know anything about her man or her relationship for that matter. She was set to pay Reina back in her own coin.

Reina had kept her own relationship a secret as she would have, the wedding ceremony, if not for Yemisi, Reina's close friend who also lived in the big school compound where they all worked. Yemisi had come to see Reina after work one afternoon and the three of them had sat down under the neem tree close to Constance’s room that evening after work. The conversation had been smooth as the three ladies munched on the chinchin Constance made.

“Ehn…ehn…abeg Reina, shey make I begin draw up program for the bridal shower nah?” Yemisi had asked very innocently.

“Who get Owambe again?” Constance asked. She noticed Reina eye Yemisi; a body sign to shut her up; but Yemisi was either too excited or carried away to notice. “Why you kon dey eye am nah?”

“I told you about it nah, didn’t I?” Reina asked knowing fully well that Constance would not give up until she told her the truth. Constance only stared at her, a look indicating she still awaited the answer to her question.

“My wedding nah,” Reina answered herself and there was a pause for few seconds

Constance not pacified even after Reina claimed it was an oversight and had decided not to involve her in any of her issues, especially her marital issue. So it was that anytime Reina asked about "the brother" during their bonding moments which was quite rare, she would cleverly change the subject of discussion.

Yes, Reina was secretive- that she very well knew and that was one reason amongst many why they both did not get along- but to think she could keep such information from her was disheartening to say the least. It was therefore with mixed feelings that she received Reina's text that morning when rushing to class that she had travelled even though they both passed the night in the compound.

It was bad enough that her neighbor was overly secretive as they do not even have a relationship and she could not communicate with her in spite of her own openness to Reina, the height of it was that Reina never cared how her actions hurt her. She was deeply hurt that Reina could not even call but she sent just a text. She sensed the reason for the information in the first place was not because Reins thought Constance ought to know her whereabouts but so she could help her collect her share of weekly items since they were both house mistresses of the girls' hostel; a position that paved way for the free accommodation they both enjoyed.

The weekly ration of items had just been added by the new Senior Boarding House Mistress who felt the four subordinates under her deserved to be better appreciated, although at a cost that they were yet to find out. So, Constance was sure the reason for the text was to remind her to pick up Reina's share alongside hers. On the other hand, she was happy as it was a great opportunity for her to bring her man home.

Constance met Desmond while returning from Reina's bridal shower which took place at an hotel along the road to Constance's place of worship. The traditional wedding ceremony and church blessing was held later in Reina's mother's hometown where her parents resided. Constance stole away from the party when the cake was to be cut. Her presence at the party was just a formality as she just sat and listened like a stranger. Even her host hardly acknowledged her presence as she had Yemisi do all her biddings. Constance had plans to get home, take a cold shower and sleep off and so far, her plans were going on smoothly until she was almost home. She had decided to trek home to save the little money on her; the month was already too heavy.

She was few kilometers away from the filling station that bordered the school compound where she lived when a young boy ran past her and disappeared at the end of a block of shops ahead of her leaving her to wonder what could be pursuing him on a tarred road. She felt the impulse to switch her purse and phone which she held in her right hand to her left. She adjusted the muffler around her neck and playfully dangled it with her right hand which was now free. As she reached the bend where the boy had turned, she felt a pull on her muffler and it stopped as suddenly as it started. She turned to see the boy that had earlier ran past her and some other boys of his age range and she understood why or so she thought. Obviously, he had tried to pull her with the scarf but it dropped from his hand.

"He thinks he is smart, small thieves," she thought as she turned to face the road and walked on. "Thank God I put my purse..."

"Stop there. You dey craze?" A deep voice called from the back.

Constance was quite terrified that she did not even turn to see who said what or check if a car was coming from her back or the opposite direction before she sped across the tarred road. She did not stop running until she bumped into someone and screamed.

"Hey...hey, calm down! Just calm down," the person said as he held her when he saw how agitated she looked.

"That boy..." was all she could say as she panted.

The stranger, a man, as though he understood her, led her to sit on a bench under an abandoned vulcanizer’s shed. The stranger listened as she blabbed and said hundreds of words in few seconds, pointing to the direction where the incident happened, something she does when she is either nervous, frightened or confused. He comforted her and insisted on walking her home. She looked back at the direction and she thought she saw the boy and his friends looking at her. Their ages could not have been more than thirteen to fourteen years, the age range of teenagers she taught at school. Never would she had thought she would experience such incident. There have been several reports of rape in the town particularly at night. It however, was not too late. It was just few minutes to seven and it was just getting dark. So, as much as she tried to take the incident off her mind, she found herself wondering what had happened to the moral system for boys that young to have devised such means to have their way with someone her age or anyone at all. She knew morality was on decline in the Northern part of the country where she now resided, what she just found out is to what extent.

The stranger tried to engage her in a discussion while she ruminated on the incident in her mind. He introduced himself as Desmond and although he was not an indigene of the town, he had stayed longer than she had and had seen quite a number of cases like that. He told her about how a young boy reportedly bought his mother Suya every night. Of course, it was a good thing to take care of one's parent especially, one's mother, just that in his own case, hardly would the mother had eaten the Suya than she sleeps off only to find herself messed up in the morning. At first she kept it to herself, dismissing the thought that her own son could do such and even suspected her husband who comes home at little hours after his rendezvous with friends and drunk. Well, it happened again and again till she discovered she was pregnant and it was then she had to open up and the culprit was found. The boy confessed to having heard his father discussing with his friends how much pleasure he derives from that wife of his even though he had four of them.

Constance absentmindedly gave him her phone number when he requested for it after seeing her to the school main gate where she insisted on going in alone. They said their goodbyes that night but a friendship budded between them.

That was about five months ago and they have only been meeting at a restaurant. According to him, he was an Assistant Pastor and the marriage process in his denomination do not give room for close communication between intending couple as they both have to tell the marriage committee their convictions about each other and also their movements to each other's places. He believed all that was time consuming as he was sure he wanted to be with her even though he had no spiritual convictions from God to back it up and would not want to lie about that. He planned to tell the church anyways but he would love for them to get to know each another better.

Constance on her part, had been very single for a while. Her last relationship ended because the man thought she was too simple. She still wonders what he meant by that. So, it did not take long for her to accept his proposal. Truth be told, he had none of her speculations for an husband but the pressure mounted on her by her parents, particularly her mother was becoming unbearable. That is coupled with the fact that she had a point to prove to her neighbor that she was also desirable to a man even at thirty-one. And who said she could not grow to love him? She remembered one seminar she attended where the speaker said the first sign that a man is God's will for your life is that you detest him or a behavior of his initially. Maybe, this was the sign she had been waiting for! Gold and diamond are found in the most unlikely places.

Constance picked a plastic with which she scooped water from the drum of water placed behind the kitchen door, the turner and a scooper from the plate drainer and a bottle of vegetable oil from the cabinet. She placed the plastic with water on the slab beside the plastic of Semolina. She opened the bottle of oil and dropped some on the turner and the scooper, rubbing oil on them before dropping both in the plastic of water. She decided to wait in the kitchen for the water to boil and she moonwalked to lean sideways on the wall.

Hardly had she stood than she felt his hands grab her waist as he turned her, pulling her into an embrace which made her wonder how he got there without her hearing his footsteps. She must have been lost in thought. He looked down, cupped her face in his hands and attempted to lock his lips with hers but she turned her face sideways.

This was definitely not what she wanted, no, not now. She had waited long enough to be found, hitherto denying herself sexual gratification and pleasure. The only legacy her parents ever gave her asides education was her faith. She grew up in the slums, an area most considered to be cursed because there, maturity was measured by sexuality which mostly led to unwanted pregnancy, the cure for which was either abortion or being forced to live with the man. She was among the lucky few who knew what they wanted and were determined to remain chaste and thus, endured being called slow or dull. She watched many of those younger than her get caught in that web, suffer untold hardships. Many of those victims now share testimonies of having tried two or more illegal marriages and while some of them came back to live as single mothers in their fathers' houses; quarreling everyday with siblings' wives and their parents; others stayed with their illegal husbands not because they took care of them but because they either have been warned by their parents that there was no room for them any more in their fathers' houses or because they were scared of been tagged single mothers during fights in the neighborhood. In most cases, most of these husbands were their age mates who were radical and adulterous. They impregnate more gullible young girls who also end up fending for themselves as the boys they thought they married could hardly even fend for themselves, talk less of a wife and children.

Those who got pregnant for older men didn't fare better because they had older rivals to contend with and childbearing became a competition between them giving life to the axiom, innumerable wives, innumerable problems. Some became public dogs, popularly called ‘oloso’ because they were either insatiable by their so called husbands and baby fathers since they had high libido or because they had no other source of livelihood than to spread their legs for money which was to them quite easy since their ‘shop read no meter’ and they had mouths to feed.Children born in these unfortunate situations also grew up and cycles are repeated and...

At first, she used to silently blame her parents for deciding to build their house in such a boisterous area meant to accommodate the uncultured and locals generally. However, having fully viewed and understood the situation, she resolved to not join them in such folly and as if to answer her prayers, she gained admission to the State University which was almost two hours’ drive from her home, although not without a scar. She made up her mind and she never came home except she was needed all through her seven years of studying for a four-year course, no thanks to ASUU.

She was not a Saint, having been deflowered through rape by one of her brother's close friends, a scar that informed her decision to embrace celibacy. It took a while to heal and accept the love of God which has since given her confidence that God will wake her man up only when He was done working on her because she was still a work in progress. She imagined that like Adam was sleeping when God formed Eve, so was her own man and he will only be woken up when God is through with her.

The picture of her making a vow of consecration to God at the school field where she met Christ came like a flash as Desmond tried again to hold her again. She felt his hardness against her thighs.

She knew she led him on, it was all her fault. She thought she could practice what she learnt at a singles’ seminar she once attended where the preacher itemized questions to ask in relationships but she ended up flirting with him on WhatsApp over two weeks ago and emotions were steadily building between them. It left her fantasizing about how she would react to his every move and need when they finally get married. Till now, she always thought she was ready for marriage and everything in between. She had been praying for a pure relationship that she could tell her children about and the past five months had been more like it until she asked him about his sexual fantasy.

At first, the chats were simple and plain till she told him hers. He then confessed to been a porn addict before his conversion and that changed the narrative. Their chats got dirty and she knew it was just a matter of time before they birth their desires. She still had no conviction about him been right for her and every time she tried to envision them both together, it always looked bleak. It was true she enjoyed the attention he gave her, yet there was always a prompt to be cautious with him. You know that feeling you get when you feel you like a person and you want to share your lives together but at one dark corner lies a doubt, or rather a knowing that the relationship may not last. She tried taking this feeling off her mind every time it came.

She wanted this closeness, the opportunity to explore a man’s body but in the confines of marriage. She was aware her mother was expecting her to bring her man home during the Christmas break and she would have loved to take him or any man home if only to save her a long lecture on what men want in their women. Even though a Christian, her mother always referred to her as fanatic comparing herself to her daughter. So whenever the talk of when Constance would get married arises, she would rub it in her face that she either had issues with dressing, character or she was being choosy. In a bid towards not been called choosy, she had agreed to date this man who was bent on pushing her into breaking her vows. She suddenly felt weak and

“WAIT!” She heard the voice so audibly like the speaker was right there beside her in the kitchen.

"The greatest challenge for anyone is to be honest to himself. Sometimes, it is just so hard to take your own advice," she thought. She remembered how many of her church members she had given such advice to break up if they ever noticed a continual delay in conviction. She realized now it was easier said than done. She always thought she could handle such situations but she stood there clueless.

Firstly, she was not sure she was not building the relationship on lies as no one, save both of them knew about them and she had been trying to convince herself of been at peace over the matter and just now, he tried to kiss her!

Maybe she had been too consumed with the thought of getting married that she had almost left her Creator out of the equation. Maybe she was indeed too simple as her ex had opined, to have accepted to go out with a man who prefers her as a secret lover till he is sure of whatever he wants to be sure of before introducing her to the marriage committee. Maybe she did not have to prove any point to Reina or anyone for that matter. If Reina had issues with her, she should speak up and if she cannot, she was at liberty to keep her mouth shut and stay out of her life. Enough is enough! She had let issues slide to much because she detests arguments or violence in all its forms and shades. She had let people talk down on her about her status and she had been worried over nothing. It was time she stood up to her family and explain to them that neither she nor they are God who brings partner and she would wait till God decides who should have her and even if He does not, she would receive his verdict with Thanksgiving. She was sure she now had a reply for everyone who pressures her about her status and now was the right time to end all craziness in such direction starting with the man now fumbling with her top. She knew she neither had the right words to say nor did she know how to handle the present situation, one thing clear to her however was that she would rather remain single than marry anyhow! She quietly sent a request for help to heaven.

Desmond was almost succeeding as his left hand held the small of her back and his right hand slid under her top, finding its way up to her left breast while his mouth worked on her neck. Constance slapped his hand off her and took a step or two to the right, close to the slab as she regained composure. Relentless, Desmond moved towards her again and put his left hand on the wall directly above her head. He stared at her hard now and he sighed. He held her right shoulder but she shrugged his hand off and tried adjusting her wrapper with her right hand. He held her hand and moved in, closer to her still. She tried to push him off her but her left hand was no match for his muscular build. She remembered she had watched movies where ladies kicked men in the groin and she went for it. The effect was that he bent double holding it as he made a stifled sound, trying to control himself and he moved back resting against the slab. As he tried to straighten himself, his elbow hit the pot of water on fire and it came tumbling down forward!