Maude

Consider this a peace offering.

I hadn’t expected the text. Cher (no relation) and I had been together for a decade, which meant that our fights had developed their own routine. The aggrieved party (usually Cher), would stew about their complaint for a few days, visibly, but not talk about it. This gave the offending party (usually me) a chance to reflect on what they might have done wrong, and, if lucky, apologize for the correct injury. If this weren’t successful, then the confrontation would happen, the aggrieved party and offending party would yell. Sometimes one or both of us would break items of little value.

We never threw things at one another. We never broke important things. We never hit one another, and in fact were very careful to stay out of arms reach. This was actually an intentional strategy for both of us, because once we were in range to strike, we were in range to grapple. Grapples very quickly became make-up sex, which meant neither (both?) of us won the fight. It’s fair to say we were competitive.

Consider this a peace offering.

If we hadn’t entered a grapple after an hour or so, it was time for one of us to leave, usually the aggrieved party. They would take the car, and leave the electric bike for the offending party to take the next morning. The aggrieved party would catch the first ferry to the mainland, and stay with friends, family, or on the credit card. The next morning, the offending party would decide if they were going to try to make up, or if they, too, were aggrieved. If they were also aggrieved, they would stay at our house. If they were penitent, they would seek out the original aggrieved party with a peace offering and (hopefully) an apology for the correct injury.

If they (usually me) weren’t ready to give in, the world would continue with one of us living at home, while the other lived on the mainland. Eventually one of us (usually me) would decide it wasn’t worth it, and decide to make peace offering. The rules of the peace offering were that it had to be related to the argument, it had to be a form of apology, and sarcasm voided the offering, unless it was funny enough. Like many couples who fought, getting your opponent to start laughing was a good strategy.

Consider this a peace offering.

I looked at the doorcam footage, and saw a quadcopter land just outside the area protected by the eaves. The footage was full of pixelated artifacts, but I could tell the package was one of the standard 2x2x1 boxes made for the drones to deliver, and had some sort of stickers slapped on the side. No, I don’t want to buy another eavesdropping and advertisement spewing device, thankyouverymuch.

The problem was, I wasn’t home. Cher had taken the morning ferry, and I had very quickly decided that it wasn’t worth being right this time. Being right meant either Cher capitulating to something I knew she didn’t want right now, or giving up the dream we’d been building the past decade. I knew where she was staying from checking the pending charges on the credit card, and had caught the evening ferry to try to meet her, apologize, enjoy the hotel room, and make it home in the morning.

Consider this a peace offering.

The weather was unpleasant. The waves and rain came in late in the day, just as I was boarding the ferry. A good break. I checked my phone again, doing its familiar dance from wifi to 5g to LTE to 3g as it tried to find a reliable partner. The 5g signal meant we’d hit midway through the trip, and were In range of the mainland towers. I finally had better quality doorcam footage.

The box had a different texture than usual, and what I had first chalked up to low quality video was actually part of its structure. I wasn’t sure what I was looking at, until the drone turned and I could read the sticker. Live.

Consider this a peace offering.

Oh, fuck. I knew the ferry wasn’t going to turn around. I scrolled through the timeline for more updated video of the entryway, and saw the rain and wind pushing the box around, and then onto its side. Oh, fuck.

When Cher and I had been together for about five years, and our fighting routine had been mostly fleshed out, I had made a mistake. I had gotten her a pet rabbit, and she blew up at me, telling me that it was a white elephant, that it meant I was committing her to take care of a living thing for eight years, because I obviously wasn’t going to be the responsible one. And, she had continued, who said she wanted to be with me for another eight years anyway.

It didn’t end up being an eight year commitment, since the rabbit, Maude, died from cancer two years later. Maude, however, was a very good rabbit, the source of at least three more fights over her two year lifespan, with reconciliations for the mixed martial arts record-books. She was cute, soft, and taught me how much personality the creatures actually had.

Consider this a peace offering.

The tightness in my chest continued, and I couldn’t stop watching the box, and whatever lived inside, being exposed to the elements. Why had the company even made a delivery when the weather was going to be this bad? Why hadn’t they let us opt out of signature free delivery for things like this? Why was the ferry moving so slowly?

Finally the ferry docked, and I considered what seemed to be my only options. Go find Cher, and be miserable watching the box until the morning ferry. Or find a way back to the island. I walked the wet block down to the public launch, away from the churning ferry motors, and considered each of the boats (hopefully with captains) that could possibly make the crossing.

Consider this a peace offering.

Consider this a peace offering, I finally replied.