Letting Go

There she was higher than she had ever been. Looking out the window for the first time brought an excitement Jessica hadn't felt in awhile.

“I can’t believe how far up we are,” Jessica said.

“Almost to the heavens” the older woman next to her responded.

“It’s my first time flying, I was so nervous but now I am so happy! This is the coolest experience.”

“I am glad that you are enjoying it” the lady said with a smile.

She introduced herself as Phoebe. The two began to discuss why they were traveling. Phoebe was heading to visit an old friend she had known in college. They had reconnected after Phoebes’ husband died. It was a difficult and unexpected loss for her.

“My husband, his name was Blaine, my husband and I had discussed death among many other things through the eyes of spirituality. We all know that death comes no matter how long you wait, it always comes. Both of us wanted each other to feel the grief but not hold it as our own.”

“I am not sure that I could do that. Death is a difficult thing to face. I hadn’t looked at it in life until recently when it forced me to stare deep into its eyes. My mom died. It was also unexpected. I never got to say goodbye and that is one of the hardest parts about it for me”. Jessica said as her eyes began to tear up.

She didn’t like to speak about her mom with anyone, not even her sisters. Phoebe made her feel safe and she found herself letting the whole story fall out without much prompting from Phoebe.

“She was my best friend. I was heading home to California to see her when it happened. I used to live in Florida, I love to travel. Now I wish I would have stayed home more to get more time with her. We talked everyday and now, the silence, buries me” Jessica explained.

“There is nothing like losing your best friend and there is nothing like losing your mom and when both leave at the same time it can be filled with complex emotions and feelings. When I lost my husband, even with all the talking about it, I still felt heavy sadness that kept me in bed and lost for quite some time. Even though I am a death doula.” said Phoebe.

“What is a death doula?” Jessica asked.

“A death doula is someone who facilitates the end of someone's life experiences to help them and the family or loved ones accept and release before and after someone dies. It's quite powerful and beautiful for me and I hope for the families that I work with.” Phoebe expressed. “We have become disconnected from death as an integral part of life. Death is natural and necessary and when we deny nature we hold that with us instead of giving our bodies and mind a chance to release it.”

Jessica was surprised that she was able to hear Phoebe without reacting to her. There was something about what she was sharing that brought a calm to her entire being.

“How did you get to the place where you wanted to be a death doula?” Jessica asked.

“Honestly, I saw my mom’s body after she died. I had this epiphany that my mom had never been her body and that neither was I. After that I became more aware of how disconnected we are from that and how the body dies but we don’t. Knowing that not everyone has that realization I felt called to help people in that space find some peace.” explained Phoebe.

Jessica and Phoebe sat in silence for a few minutes, soaking in the conversation.

“I’ve never been good at talking to strangers, but I am really glad I got to speak with you. I am heading to visit my friends and I was worried that I would bring this heaviness with me but I think I just realized that's okay and I have you to thank for that.” Jessica expressed. “Thank you for this, I cannot express to you how much it means to me.”

“I am glad, I feel the same way. Speaking to you about this has helped me with some uneasiness I felt getting on the plane. I miss my husband everyday but talking to you reminds me that he is always with me even way up high on this plane.”

They both smiled and Jessica asked if she could hug Phoebe. The hug was as tight as her mom would do and she felt like her mom was there hugging her too. Two strangers on a plane with an interaction that changes them both forever.