Johnny Guitar

Life was a series of flashes. Joining the Avengers was one. Meeting Steve Rogers, my commander, was another. The life that grew from that, growing closer and closer. Moving through the snap living together, winning that final battle after the blip, the kiss on the battlefield.

Getting married in an old Brooklyn church with only close family and friends.

All of it flashes, times in my life that hold dear to me. The missions that followed afterward from time to time. If it was needed for him or for I, we went, we always would while also having our life away from battle and blood, death and dirt.

It shouldn’t have happened, but life does what it wants when it wants. Being captured and tortured for days on end. Being shot up with god knows what. The pain was brutal, I could barely stand it.

I would later learn it was the super soldier serum, they wanted more soldiers, but then don’t they always. Oh it worked but the hours after my rescue were a blur, I hated it so much, so much pain and not knowing what was going on.

Steve was there. I knew this much and his voice helped me more than I could say at the time, I was lucid enough to know I had to go under, I had to go into cryo, my body was going through too much stress and Banner feared cardiac arrest.

It was a tearful goodbye to my husband, to my Steve, I remember crying so much, scared out of my mind, his forehead pressed to mine as he told me how much he loved me and he would be here when I got out, they just needed to wait for my body to stabilize.

I remember his tears falling down onto my cheeks, joining my own, he was scared for me, I could see it in his eyes, I remember clutching his face and kissing him desperately, his lips firm and soft against my own rough ones.

It’s the last thought I have, kissing him, before they close me inside the chamber, my hand on the glass, his hand on the glass outside the chamber, his face, those eyes, he couldn't be brave in that moment, him nor I knew if I would make it, Tony’s tech was good but, hopefully this wouldn’t be the end.

I watched his lips move forming the words “I love you.” before my eyes slipped closed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My dreams would be vivid and wild for a very long time. I would have no idea of the bombs that fell a mere three days later, the US caught off guard. I would have no knowledge of the world being on fire. I wouldn’t know Steve trying to save me from the cryo tank and not being able to get the door to open.

Not wanting to risk my life, he would just take the tank with him to the only place he knew to go. A bomb shelter Tony had made for his family. You wouldn’t know for a long time, Tony and his family never made it. Steve’s family barely made it as it was.

Andy and Ransom die saving Johnny and Curtis, pushing them into the vault that already holds you and Steve. When the next wave of bombs fell, the shelter that was meant to hold so many, would hold so few.

Steve won’t know Bucky didn’t make it for years to come. Most of the avengers don’t make it. It’s just you four, in this vault like bunker for two hundred years. You won’t know right away how over time, food ran out, it only took one hundred years for that to happen. By then the world would be changed forever.

The brothers do what they can, from the ashes the world moves on. They start to form groups of people to help, soon they make a well known living post, a safe place for people to live and grow. They adapt to the new world while I sleep in my tank.

The locks on it long sense broken, with no way to get me out without causing harm to me, there I lay year after year, frozen in time, Steve and his family my protectors.

I wouldn’t know he talks to me every night, some nights he is tearful, other nights he just sleeps next to me, the floor cold to him but he doesn’t care.

My life is flashes and this flash is alone, I'm alone as warmth comes to me, the cold receding. I’m coughing and hacking as I sit up shaking, my eyes blink, but nothing makes sense. My brain is so fuzzy, all I can think of is Steve, he was the last thing I saw before I went under.

I don’t know this room, I don’t know the smells, my brain feels disconnected, like waking up from sleep walking, I'm so jarred. Sitting up proves to be a chore, but I do it, my legs shake like a newly born animal as I try to make sense of what’s around me.

All the metal walls, the floor, the ceiling, all of it was blue and yellow metal, faded and chipped. I’m still in the same clothes, my wedding ring is still on my finger, I curl my fingers and they feel stiff and sore.

By the time I'm stumbling out of the cryo chamber for good, I can at least stand without shaking so much. My training kicks in, it’s easier to fall back on right now, I don’t know this place, something bad must have happened, my guts screams it.

I need to get out of here, I must have been retaken, it’s the only thing that makes sense. With a plan forming I move forward towards the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What do you mean the tank is empty?”

Steve knows he’s speaking, that he’s standing just inside his home, having just got back from a scouting trip. He knows where he is and yet….it’s like his world stops, he feels his heartrate skyrocket, his hands go clammy in his gloves, his hand holding the walkie talkie is trembling.

He doesn’t even hear what the reply is, he races from his home, still dirty from being gone for a week and books it to the vault. He knows these steps like the back of his hand, when he takes the elevator down below, he wishes it would go faster.

By the time it’s at the bottom and he’s racing to where you have been for a very long time, he rips his goggles off his dirty face, Johnny’s standing there next to the tank and sure enough…..the lid is out and open.

Johnny looks just as shocked as Steve is, he hears footsteps behind him and knows it’s Curtis, but his eyes can’t stop looking at the empty tank. You had been there so long, so fucking long, he wanted to wake you up so long ago, but not wanting to risk your life, he just….had to wait for the fucking door to open itself.

Fuck, he should have been here.

He kneels down by the tank, the ice that was over the thing is half way melted off by now, water is all over the floor now, “No one saw her leave?”

“No, no one saw anything, I don’t understand, wouldn’t she have been weak, she couldn’t have gotten that far.” Curtis is right of course.

Steve nods standing back up, “He’s right, I don’t know how she slipped passed the whole town, but she couldn’t have gotten far, no telling what state of mind she’s in, but we have to find her, she won’t survive long out there without a weapon of some kind, and far as we know she has nothing but herself.”

Steve sighs deeply, “Fuck….” he pitches the bridge of his nose.

“You had no way to know Steve, and it was my job to look after her while you were gone, this is on me.” Johnny’s words…...while true...still leave Steve feeling guilty he wasn’t here.

He shakes his head finally looking at his little brother, “No, it’s not your fault Johnny, you have to sleep, we had no way of knowing THATS when she would wake up and come out.”

Steve shakes his head, sweating under his breath he picks up his goggles, “Come on, lets go look for her, don’t tell the town just yet, we will if we can’t find her by sun down, but for now….the less people that know...the better.”

Honestly, the fact that Steve and his family kept the secret of you down here this whole time was kind of a miracle. The town had good people, but plenty of them were nosy and it’s why the elevator down here only allowed Steve, Curtis or Johnny. Steve doesn’t even know why he kept you hidden away, mostly to protect you he supposes.

“Come on, we should be able to find her easy enough.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steve is swearing up a storm when they get back home that night, they did not in fact find you, not a trace. Johnny and Curtis watch on as they sit back and drink some bad whiskey. Johnny follows that up with a small hit of jet and mellows out on the couch, he knows they will have to bring in more people now.

Curtis side eyes him for the jet use but Johnny just flips him off. He was a ghoul, if he wanted to get high, he was going to get high jesus. He didn’t actually have good looks to fall back on now did he?

Steve paces, “I don’t understand how she could get so far, fuck I underestimated her.”

He worries the goggles in his hands as he thinks, “Wasn’t she put in there because of the serum?” Curtis’s words break through his panic and he stops to stare at him.

Of fucking course, that was it. Your body was healed, and clearly you were moving faster cause you were changed now. He could slap his own forehead for not thinking of that, it was the reason you were put in there to begin with.

“Fuck…” Steve swears again running a hand down his face.

Curtis watches him as he takes another hit from his cigarette, he doesn’t need to look over at Johnny to know he’s in his own head space, he does his best not to roll his eyes at Johnny for him getting high right now, “I can discreetly put out the word to keep a eye out for her, you know Hancock has good contacts and he won’t kill her, he’ll protect her once we tell him what’s up.”

Steve chews on his bottom lip before nodding, “Do it, we know we can trust him and his town.”

Despite being high Johnny blinks at Steve, “Do you want me to reach out to Danse too?”

Steve looks hard at him, “Do you think that’s a good idea?”

Johnny shrugs sitting up more, “You know him, he’s good with people.”

Steve grumbles, “Yeah, good at getting in peoples pants more like it.”

The brothers snicker, “You can’t be serious Steve, I have a feeling that’s going to be the last thing on her mind right now, besides, you tell them who she is to you, they won’t make a move, they only like their ladies or men single.” Johnny throws out knowing it’s true.

Curtis nods agreeing, “He’s right Steve, the more people we have looking the better, and these two we want to bring in we can trust them, you know that too.”

Steve flops down in the chair next to the couch, “Fine, you’re right, only those two for now, they have the best resources.”

“Not the minute men?”

Steve snorts, “They do good work of course, the town’s full of them but, some of their people….I don’t trust them.”

Curtis nods, finally finishing his cigarette, “Good point.”

He stands up and pats Steve’s shoulder on his way out, “Don’t worry we’ll find her, you know how she is, just like you, she doesn’t go down easy.”

Once he’s gone Steve sighs deeply and starts taking off his gloves, then his coat, then his boots, by now Johnny is one with the couch and looking relaxed, but Steve knows that look on his face, he’s worried, with another sigh he leans down and strong arms Johnny up on his feet, “Come on, you need some sleep.”

“Not gonna scold me for taking a hit? Shocking.”

Steve rolls his eyes nearly carrying Johnny to his room before dumping him on the bed, “Not today no, just get some sleep, tomorrow we start looking again.”

No snappy comeback comes from Johnny like he mostly does, this time he just…. lays there looking at Steve, “We’re going to find her Steve.”

Steve….well...his brothers seemed so sure of it, he offers a tiny smile after a minute, “Thanks, I know we will, now get some sleep.”

Johnny finger guns him and now Steve does roll his eyes as he leaves. He needed sleep as well, tomorrow….tomorrow they would look for you once more.

“Wherever you are love…...goodnight.” he whispers into his pillow, clutching his wedding ring on the chain around his neck.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“THIS. IS. SOME. FUCKED. UP. BULLSHIT. I. DIDN’T. SIGN. UP. FOR. THIS. SHIT.!” I scream.

The thing finally goes down, dead at my feet, my whole body is shaking. Never in my life did I think I would see a mole rat the size of a dog but here we are. This lame ass 9mm wasn’t any help either. I have no idea where I am…..everything is dead…..all dead, everything’s gone, everything is a nightmare.

The air has a taste to it and not a good kind, my stomach has been slightly rolling for awhile now. The backpack on my back feels heavy, but there’s nearly nothing in it, just something called a pipboy I refused to wear on my arm because that seemed like a dumb ass place for it to be.

It feels like one nightmare after another. I know my brain is simply going through the motions, I know my brain is putting everything into little boxes….I can’t….I can’t think right, my body never stops shivering, I just can’t stop, haven't sense I woke up. I can’t find a time to relax.

Looking around me yields just more of the same. Everything is dead, everything I knew is dead. The few people I saw….all they wanted to do was kill me. I killed them, then ran, ran so hard and fast, just as fast as….Steve use too.

That serum I was given clearly worked, it doesn’t bring me comfort, I feel like I can’t breath, it’s so. Fucking. Much. My head twitches, my eyes close, I just….I can’t….so I won’t….you will. You will lead me, pretending this is happening to someone else is the only way I can fight through this hell.

You won’t let me down, you will guide me. And so, you do, you look for shelter, you find a run down diner and crawl into the half caved in bathroom, the sky outside glows green, it starts raining and you wonder what the fuck you are going to do now.

Your hand reaches to the chain around your neck with Steve’s wedding ring on it, “Goodnight my love.....I miss you.”