It is so Hard to Find a Doctor

I've seen four doctors over the past year. They all had poor bedside manner or who I thought were incompetent. I don't have health insurance so it's important for me to find one I can easily talk too. I wasted too much time and money seeing these other doctors. What's that saying? "Time is money". It sure is.

I think I finally found one who I felt comfortable talking to about my medical condition. I felt at ease talking to this new doctor. I openly shared my background history and how I did not like these other doctors I've seen. I need a primary care doctor I can see on short notice. Not only did I dislike these other doctors for the reasons stated above but follow up appointments were hard to schedule. Three months for a follow-up?

I've talked to the nurses that my condition requires weekly visits. They said they can squeeze me in for an emergency visit here and there, but not for the weekly appointments I need. They told me I had to schedule my appointments with the woman at the desk in order to set the appointment times and days I need. That person told me I'd have to wait just as the doctors said. This will not work for me. I additionally need a special referral to see on short notice. I asked if this was a matter of health insurance and she told me that it was not.

I knew she was lying. If I had health insurance I bet they can schedule me sooner rather than later. I do not have health insurance but I do have more than enough money to pay upfront for every visit. So money was not an issue for me. Whether the appointment was for the primary care doctor or referral physician I needed, I can pay. Yet this does not matter to the medical secretary. It's all about the health insurance. I even tried bribing them to get me a sooner appointment. Damn health insurance. The reason I do not have health insurance is for criminal reasons. I cannot have my name on paper, digital or physical, on any database.

I'm starting to get pissed off. This will be the fifth doctor within a year. Now I know I said money is not an issue for me, but I feel like I'm getting robbed with every visit to these doctors. Just set me up with someone reputable I can see. I do acknowledge that yes, this is probably how they deal with all their patients. Health insurance or not. But unlike these other patients, I imagine they did not throw an extra hundred bucks or so to the medical secretaries to work something out.

Yeah, the bribes didn't work with these appointment schedulers. I even tried it with the doctors themselves. They took the money and promised special treatment which they all later reneged to provide me. Thus, I am wasting my additional funds as well as time. I cannot emphasize how important it is for me to have these weekly follow-ups. Not only that I have to deal with the medical secretaries as well as the doctor's referrals for the specialist I need.

I am truly pissed off at this point. They do not understand how important, how vital, these doctor visits are for me. An appointment with a primary care doctor who I can truly relate too is key for them to realize how important it is for me to get a referral. I had not mentioned what kind of doctor I need for my referral but it is for a hematologist. They deal with diagnosing and treating blood disorders. Now I have had blood tests with these other doctors but they never called me back for the results, whether it's positive or negative. Like I said, I am truly pissed off at this point.

My diet is horrible. I am worried it will affect me in the long run like it did to my father. I'm at that age where he died as a result of his lifestyle. Heart disease. I will not end up like him. If my results are negative I am willing to change how I live. However my anger has superseded all thoughts of living healthier. Screw it. I've been eating like he had my entire life. I've used that line of thinking since I was a child. I've wanted to try to change my diet over the past year. I was serious but I never received the medical help I needed.

I am a vengeful man. After all I am a criminal. I don't have health insurance for that reason. I can't have my name attached to anything that will negatively affect me in the future. I tried helping all of these different doctors and medical secretaries for a full year. I offered them money. Copious amounts. Yet they all denied what I thought humans valued most. Money and possessions.

Of course it had to begin somewhere. That first doctor of course. I didn't like his "bedside manner". He carried that superficial feeling of empathy and understanding of my condition which I didn't like. I killed him first. His medical secretary second. Likewise with all of the five doctors' offices I visited this year. I thought that last one may be worthy of my medical attention but I was wrong. I killed him as well. Dammit! I still need a doctor.

A friend of mine recommended someone new. I gave him a try. I liked him. He understood why it has been so hard for me to find a doctor. The very vast majority of doctors in the entire world would not want to treat me. Yet this man immediately agreed and truly empathized with my position. He understood my condition as well. He said he's been struggling with the same symptoms himself. He took samples of my blood to see whether I was going to have the same outcome as my father.

Like I expected, I knew my blood showed high levels of cholesterol. I've been eating like a glutton all these past years. I just didn't know how high those levels were. Pretty damn high. Like I'm due for a heart attack. He told me to eat healthier as expected. No more overweight people. Their fat contents are way too high. My cholesterol was overwhelmingly off the charts. Eat healthier he tells me. People with leaner meat than the overweight ones I've been snacking on. I tell him those night time feasts are easier to acquire than those in the daylight. Doctor told me I have to eat better in order to lower my cholesterol if I want to live another hundred years.