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Pseudo Part 8 to Raymond's Community Story

By Mackenzie DavisPublished 4 months ago Updated 4 months ago 1 min read
Photo by John Matychuk on Unsplash

I pulled into the station lot, braking so hard my tires screeched. I had a feeling I wouldn’t see my car again for a while. Wobbly legs took me through the glass doors where the captain was waiting in the foyer.

“Hi, John. Please follow me to my office,” he said. He was stiffer than he’d been on the phone earlier this morning. His gestures were too professional and he didn’t turn to face me a single time until he sat at his desk.

“Why don’t you walk me through your day. Seems eventful.”

I swallowed hard, then cleared my throat to cover the anxiety threatening to burst through my chest. I started with my “discovery” of the courier’s body and how I checked for vitals and ID. Then the unfortunate and wholly unexpected onset of rain, the changing of my clothes, and my decision to leave the scene early.

“Yes,” said the captain. “Why did you leave?”

“I just couldn’t stomach it any longer, plus I was soaked to the bone. Figured the CSI had what they needed from me.” I shrugged, feeling like my shoulders were floating near my ears.

“I see. Was it a straight shot home?”

“No, I got coffee—”

“You stopped for coffee and then made another within the hour? Why?”

“I…to warm up,” I said lamely.

“I see.”

The captain’s gaze was unflinchingly stern. He knew. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Stevie can finish catching me up," he said. "I want to talk about your brother.”


A/N: This is my poor attempt at continuing Raymond Taylor's scintillating "Telltale Crimson Trail" crime-mystery series. Click the link above to find out more about his micro fiction community challenge.

Part 7:


About the Creator

Mackenzie Davis

“When you are describing a shape, or sound, or tint, don’t state the matter plainly, but put it in a hint. And learn to look at all things with a sort of mental squint.” Lewis Carroll

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Copyright Mackenzie Davis.

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Comments (7)

  • Shirley Belkabout a month ago

    Congrats, Mackenzie!

  • Alexander McEvoy4 months ago

    I’m sorry, poor attempt? Nah Love yourself This was an awesome continuation, Mackenzie! Loved the sense of panic conveyed by the simple “fuck fuck fuck” Carried the anxiety brilliantly!

  • Poppy 4 months ago

    Ooh I love the mystery and this community challenge is such a cool idea!

  • Nicely continued, Mackenzie.

  • Raymond G. Taylor4 months ago

    This is so good Mackenzie and I am really delighted that you have chosen to pick up this story and write you own interpretation. I really enjoyed reading it and particularly how the Captain is piling on the pressure. John is now in a real sweat and I can feel his anxiety as if it were my own. I have now completed my episode 8, complete with tense interview so it will be interesting to see how the two alternatives compare and contrast. I am holding off publishing for a day or two in order to see if there are any other alternatives. Thanks again. Fantastic entry

  • Wait, John has a brother? Has this already been mentioned in the earlier parts by Raymond or is he just appearing now? I'm so sorry, I read so many spin offs and I've jumbled up everything 😅😅

Mackenzie DavisWritten by Mackenzie Davis

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