Inspector Clueless And The Missing Writer

April 2023, and a writer has gone missing. When he vanishes, leaving behind very few clues, an intrepid detective is called in to solve the caper. The intrepid detective is none other than the notorious Inspector Jack Clueless, a local legend at the bars and in his own mind.

The inspector arrived as the local police were working the outside area, looking for clues to the disappearance of the local writer and blogger. The man was a burned-out ex-cop turned writer in his middle-aged years, but some of his old buddies still wore a badge and were worried.

As the notorious Inspector Clueless arrived, many of them chuckled about how the case was solved already. It didn't deter the intrepid detective as he went about the business of examining the last scene the missing writer was known to be.

When the inspector turned on the writer's computer he saw what was essentially gibberish. It looked like the last person to use the machine had flopped his hands on the keyboard, or been faceplanted. The intrepid detective thought the worst and imagined someone bouncing the writer's head off the keyboard, up and down, up and down, torturing the poor man.

The inspector found the home to be a mess and believed there were signs of a struggle as papers were strewn about everywhere, his computer was left open, and only a few words were on the screen. Surely, he imagined, a writer wouldn't leave his screen open for the world to see without a good reason. After sorting through the mess inside, the Inspector went out to look around the exterior, finding footprints leading away from home.

Inspector Clueless began following the only clue, a set of footprints leading away from the house. He was determined to solve the case of the missing writer and bring to justice the dastardly fiend that tore the writer from his task. He set off to follow the footprints not knowing where they would take him, or what ghastly scene he would find.

Inspector Clueless followed the footprints all the way to the edge of town and beyond. He was exhausted but undeterred in his task. The inspector forced himself to carry on despite the odds of finding the writer being so against him. He was, after all, the great Inspector Jack Clueless and had a near-perfect record of being unable to solve a case.

This time, he thought to himself, this time I’ll be the hero and I’ll find the writer and bring him home to his friends and family. Tired and weary, Clueless followed the tracks to the edge of town and beyond, walking mile after arduous mile until the intrepid detective was exhausted and after just two hours beginning to lose hope that the prints were going anywhere.

On the outskirts of town, the prints he followed disappeared into the grassy knolls of a wide-open field. The inspector continued, his feet beginning to ache. He continued until he saw a pond in the distance. A man was standing there, holding a fishing rod in his hand.

The man was deep in his thoughts and didn't notice the Inspector as he approached from the rear. The Inspector announced himself and asked him if he was the missing writer.

Disappointed that he'd been found so quickly, the man turned and apologized for all the trouble.

“I had to escape,” said the man.

“Escape! Escape what?” asked the inspector.

The weary writer, after days of struggling, had succumbed to writer's block. It’s all too common an ailment with writers, particularly after a long winter stretch, and when the weather suddenly becomes nice.

The inspector realized, as the poor man was just tired and frustrated from writer’s block, that he’d solved the case of the missing writer. He jumped for joy, leaping in the air, clueless that he had lost himself in the moment and was about to land in the pond.

Ahhhh….writers. What are you going to do?