if walls could talk

If walls could talk, the tales I would tell; of holding hearts, wearing joy, and carrying the burdens of too much to bear. I am a keeper of all; the good, the bad, & the sad. Follow along closely for this is a tangled tale of a love so absolute, no matter the changing hue.

I watched on, straight & stoic, as my new occupants took up residence; their forever home. I took a particular fondness to the leading lady in this pair. She, so powerful in mind, yet blissfully unaware; could change my tone just by her mood alone. This woman would lean against me, and I could feel the storm inside her bones begin to puddle; so deep, she could have drown.

Effie was always different; I could sense that from the start. Her beauty, many would agree, was an assault on the senses. She would brighten my room with her smile and captivate a crowd with her wit. This darling was beyond compare, her intellect disarming; she could pierce your soul with the daggers in her eyes.

I will tell you of the torment, I witnessed over time; eroding her persona and devastating her mind. It happened so slowly, the subtle isolation; she believed it was her mind to blame, not his. The man who vowed his love to her forever set forth to break her down; he spewed the words and broke the trust. He wanted her charisma and charm, so little by little he chipped away at her in time. The beauty in her aura soon destroyed, and that magnetism she possessed, no longer could be found.

Chad had a way about him; albeit, simple in looks, he was able to attract Effie in ways she had never felt. The chemistry was untenable and the lust disguised as love was palpable to all. Full of pride, I held their frames, those portraits of love, so subtle were the nails; they never caused me pain. I was always quick to listen, when Chad would say in jest, how blind his wife must have been to marry him.

Most have heard it said, love is blind, but not all sayings have happy endings, as we will uncover in this tainted and toxic love story. I was the first to witness both the beginning and the end. First the slow spiral, then those daily nuances forecasting the future; my setting captured it all.

Let’s fast forward to those childbearing years; Effie always claimed she was too selfish to want children. But, oh how she glowed; the type of shine that reflected off of me back to her. I was the backdrop and she was the star with her pregnant silhouette.

I would soon realize that the glow I witnessed was merely an ember of the terror burning her from the inside, deep in her soul, and it could no longer be contained. It was with each growing day; she spent more time leaning on me. My cool exterior cool could temporarily quell her anxiety and the fortitude to hold her upright in the bouts of insomnia. I had become her main support; her unwavering wall.

Chad started to travel for work and was soon galavanting around the world, while Effie kept a list of broken promises. The type of declarations a husband makes to his wife when he wants a child. The first and most simple rule was to do this journey alongside her; sober in support. She was not to be the token designated driver, nor; the saint waiting on her man when he had twelve too many. This promise was broken almost immediately; Chad was not a man to be bothered with the wishes of women any day of the week. He would set about to be the champion of the weekend warriors. Effie attempted to amend the rule to curb his appetite; allowing him to drink whilst away on business, but not within my walls.

Effie soon arrived home saddled with their newborn and the weight of wonder for the future. I awaited her announcement that she would join me at home with our golden child. She worked herself weary; believing the skinny mom tips that breastfeeding would melt the pounds of baby weight with each feeding. Effie daydreamed about the adage to sleep when the baby sleeps. I knew before her that Chad was not going to allow the latter; especially when his office was contained within me. I would often watch Effie, as she leaped into action upon hearing the predictable squeak of the 3rd stair; her muscles had memorized the amount of time, the steps it took to look busy.

Her days started to blend and her worth was worn. Chad would make snide remarks to those that would listen, that for Effie; every night was a Friday night. He was flippant in his commentary on her life as a stay at home mom. He did not care much when her life was disrupted by the loss of two babies in a year; offering her wine instead of love following the removal of one. Chad wanted Fun Effie, and if she refused to play his games, then misery would become her company.

I could feel a layer of sadness dimming my sheen, and it was Effie; preparing as though predestined to produce. There was no downtime, no turning back clocks to heal and restore. Her mind, her body, her soul; hopelessly intertwined with the wants of the the world. Her choice lost it’s voice to the push of those who wanted more.

From the view of the crowd, to those who stuck around; she had it all, the darling daughter, the baby boy, a husband with the world in his hands, and ME. I was the one to hold the growing collection of smiles and untold stories that lurked beneath.

I was made this way, to weather the storms and uphold the facade. I was strong enough not to creak or to crack, or tell a soul of the torments within; a wall tried and true.

The subsequent years brought some haunting hues, those reserved for the darkest of deeds. If she wore her heart on her sleeve; these were the shades, I imagined her heart to be. Her desire to stop the thief in her home, to look around at me and the love that was once lived, together as one; not this battlefield.

Effie retreated, the words from her partner would signal defeat; you’re worthless, you’re worthless ran in her mind. A gentle reminder, as if you forgot; I am a wall, not a mirror facing the growing puddle as it was deepening.

I thought she was gone, I thought I had failed her, until the day, she returned to my side; seeking my touch to soak in my brightness and dry up the tears. She was ready, ready to rise, to go above the heights I could reach. Effie had outgrown me and picked a new view.

Her heart was pure gold. As the old sleeves foretold; sheltered then shattered. It was cradled from birth, then passed into marriage.

As a wall in this world; it taught me to wonder, if her walls as a child, taught to protect her, towered too tall. The kind of walls who begged her not to marry, not to leave, just yet; the world wasn’t ready for the gold that she carried. Her heart placed with me, begs the question: was I the wall she needed me to be?