Him

I woke up again today. I find myself counting down the days until I don’t. Well, that's not accurate, I’m really just counting up to it, I guess. Unlike the cans of soup and old milk cartons I find throughout the storage rooms that have long been forgotten, I don’t have an expiration date. No ‘Best By’ mark, no stamp displaying the day I’ll belong in the bin. I roll over onto my side, the soft blankets moving with my body, cocooning me in cool, white cotton. My nose brushes against the nose of my bedfellow, our eyelines meeting. His eyes cast a dull glow, and he doesn’t respond to my movements. I wonder if he has one. An expiration date.

I slowly lift my hand, softly touching the side of his face. His eyes glow brighter at my touch and he moves slightly, pushing his cheek into my palm. He brings his own hand to cover mine, and the cold metallic texture causes goosebumps to cascade down my arm. His eyes are now searching my face.

“You look sad.” His voice echo's out of Him as if he’s speaking through a tin can. As irrational as it is, I find myself bristling at his words. I know I’m sad, and have no desire to hear it pointed out to me.

I say nothing in response, and roll out of the display bed, stepping onto the showroom carpet. At my movement the motion activated lights turn on within the store, causing a domino effect, light on light on light switching on throughout the entire warehouse sized room. I slip on the clothes I had grabbed from one of the neighboring stores the day before, just a simple pair of slacks and a tank top featuring a band that I had never heard of. I rest back onto the bed to slip on my boots and feel the same cold hand now resting on my shoulder. I turn to look at Him, and he stares back at me. We don’t say anything but I feel the flash of anger from before simmering down as he gives me a small smile. I try to return it, but I have no idea if it looks genuine.

***

He offers to stay behind and take care of some of the energy rerouting we’ve been working on for the last week or so. I use the opportunity to continue my exploration of our new home. I’ve already walked the entirety of the circular station, both the first and second level, so I’m now going into each shop and kiosk individually. A part of me hopes I’ll find some miraculous item that we can somehow use to MacGyver our way off this pit stop amongst the stars. Perhaps one of these restaurants or toy stars was hiding some secret escape pod.

Of course not, I know there isn’t really any way out of here. I should feel lucky, after our emergency landing, there should have been no survivors. On top of that, this abandoned place had drifted far away after earth's orbit was no longer holding it in place and shouldn’t have as much power as it does. We’ve used up all of our miracles it seems, so I should simply be happy that we have a safe place to be for however long we have.

The next stop on my tour is a children's clothing store, and while I’m sure there’s nothing there of note, I still wander in. It’s not like I’m in a rush. This store only has one flickering light that still works, and its fluorescent bulb buzzes as it attempts to stay illuminated. The fixture casts a pink glow over the room in intervals, but the light from the walkway is enough to make the space navigable. I go from isle to isle in the small space, seeing earrings and best friends necklaces galore. Unicorn and mermaid themed bags and accessories litter the hooks and floors of the space. Some racks of clothes are bare or knocked down, and I wonder if this was the result of the space station's mass exodus. Perhaps owners or shoppers had attempted to grab what they could before needing to go. Or maybe I’m wrong, maybe after earth's final wave of evacuations, some looters had stopped here before heading to an off-world settlement.

As I delve into my imagination, I no longer really look around as I walk. The scraping crunch under my foot is what pulls me back to the moment, and I lift my boot. A small necklace lay there, now broken into two pieces. Out of all of the junk on the floor, I can’t explain why I feel compelled to reach down and grab this broken item, but I do. It's a locket, or at least it was before the heel of my shoe transformed it into just a heart charm on a chain. I brought it closer to my face in hopes to see the small image in the dim light.

Two people are holding one another and laughing, before kissing each other oh so gently. The video loops again and again, seemingly turned back on once the locket had been opened. Now that the front was completely gone, it seemed the video would keep going until the battery died. I watched with a tight feeling in my chest. This wasn’t something sold here, not some sort of children's trinket, this was something that must have been dropped. The couple in the small video were grown, and in the background a small house surrounded by trees could barely be made out.

As I watch the pair laugh and kiss over and over, I wrack my brain for images of my own childhood home, but no memories of earth come to me beyond the panic. I recall the pushing and shoving, the moment the grip on my dad's hand loosened for just a second, and suddenly he was no longer next to me. I remember looking down at earth, crammed next to strangers, and the image of the mostly brown orb was blurred by the tears that I couldn’t stop. The memories begin to remind me of all the things I’ve forgotten.

When you lose someone they say the first thing you forget is their voice. I find that to be true, as I stand here looking at this comfortable snapshot of a happy time that can no longer exist, and I fail to remember any of my family’s voices. It’s not until the first sob shakes my body that I even realize I’m crying, and I quickly close my hand around the locket, afraid to damage it with my tears. I feel as though all of my memories are of this nature; pain, the rush to move from place to place, loneliness…

His face stops that train of thought. Him and my crew. The family I found who had all been lost at one point or another. I’d found Him amongst the trash left on an old resort that had long since drained the small moon of its resources and then promptly relocated. He had been so kind to me, had helped us fix up the ship and seemed surprised when I asked Him to join us. At the time I wasn’t aware that androids could feel shock, but that was before I had spent years working with one, getting to know Him, helping Him, letting Him help me. All of them had brought a sense of stability to my life that I hadn’t known, and it tears me apart to know that I’ve lost them. But I know I’m not alone.

***

I woke up again today. I counted another day in my head, another chance. I roll over, now in a different display bed, this one with fuzzy blankets in different shades of blue. They match his skin. I wrap my arms around Him and his eyes light up as he does the same, metallic limbs holding me close. After a few moments he goes to move, but I hold Him tight. Letting out a light, synthesized chuckle, he ceases his movements.

“It may be hard for me to work today if we never leave the bed.”

“Can we just…” I look up at Him, the heart shaped locked around my neck moving slightly and tapping against Him, clink, “Can we just be with each other today?”

The thought is surely as foreign to Him as it is to me as I ask it, but we are here now, and perhaps it's our chance to stop running and fighting. Maybe we can just… be. He says nothing, only moves back under the covers and holds me tight. In that moment, I can swear I hear the rustle of tree limbs in the wind as I drift back to sleep.