Helping hand

To say that this has been a very long day, it would mean to tell just a tiny part of the whole story about it. Long hours? It was more like a continuous stream of time interconnecting all of the events that lead me to that particular moment where I was immersed right now. Tired and confused, I was trying to get to the end of it and probably would be able to finally go to bed. It truly was not that late, but my mind was already counting backward in an attempt to force me to leave the work as it was. What could go wrong, after all? They would be loving or hating the idea, but at least it would give them something to think about for the rest of the semester. And that was precisely my sole intention. None of the previous attempts went well with the Director, although I knew that she was not going to be mad at me for trying one more time, or at least not strongly mad. I mean, she was always calling me a rebel anyway, wasn't she? This was more of a situation where I was not sure if I would like to risk it or not.

And I was so focused on what I was scribbling on the yellow notepad that I didn't react when I noticed the bathroom's light going on, and then being turned off a couple of minutes later. I was so embedded in my thoughts that I didn't make any move after hearing the sound of steps coming my way, or after noticing the small figure standing beside me, looking over my shoulder while I was sitting down on the living room floor. A multitude of papers was dispersed all over the furniture, carpet, and running tapestry by the hall - I wasn't sure how they got in there - and the pad was almost halfway down on clean pages to use. My hands were tired, and my eyes were feeling the need to close shut for the day.

-"mommy?..."

My six years old daughter grabbed the collar of my bathrobe while calling me. She didn't raise her voice; she didn't pull the robe that hard. And still, I jumped a little from the floor, genuinely surprised.

-"Yes, sweetie?" - I tried to sound as calm as possible, but my heart was running a sprint inside my chest. It took me a few seconds to bring myself back.

-"Are you coming soon to bed?" - I knew that she was waiting for me to read her a story before going to sleep, but I forgot about it entirely while I was working on my idea. Even though I was really tired, I was also sure she would love for me to be there with her. In all honesty, this was something I started a couple of years back, thinking that it would be a great idea for me to spend some minutes every night with her, as a bonding exercise. Right now, my brain was complaining about the whole "reading before sleeping" idea entirely, while trying to get my attention back to the pad. But she was looking at me with apprehension, and I was not going to let her down.

-"Sure honey. Mommy just needs to finish something before going to sleep. If you are still awake when I am done, I will go to your room as always. How does that sound to you?"

I was not sure if I was selling the idea properly, and the way she looked at me confirmed that I was indeed not doing a great job at it. I felt bad for telling her that, but I haven't finished yet and the project had to be presented to the whole administration team the next morning. Would she be willing to give me a chance at least this time?

-"What are you doing?" - Her question got me by surprise. I mean, it was something anybody would expect to hear from a little girl that just wanted her mommy to come over, tuck her on the bed and read her a book, right? But oddly enough, I wasn't sure how to answer that.

-"Well, you see. Mommy needs to present a new idea to her boss tomorrow morning, and I am not sure if I am doing the right thing with what I have here on my papers so far"

-"Why?" - she was genuinely curious, asking with a serious face while stretching her arms, looking as tired as me.

-"Hum, she needs to make some changes to some of our rules, and those changes may affect some students more than others, and so she asked for my help to see how we could do that..."

-"No. I mean why are you not sure if you are doing it right" - That was a very good question. Why was I having so many doubts about my work? I did the proper research from multiple and reliable sources from the beginning, checked for historical references, and even went to see and consulted with my old friend from college that knows the school district's rules better than anybody else. Why was I having second thoughts right now? And the funny part was that I already knew the answer to that question. I knew it from the moment she asked me to work on this, and still, I accepted the task thinking that I would be able to handle it properly. But after all the work was done and all of the pieces of the puzzle were placed together, I saw the whole scenario at once one more time and realize that I was afraid of the students' reaction. I knew most of them personally since kindergarten, after all.

-"You see, sometimes you make a decision that affects somebody else. If you think that one person or a group of people will be mad at you, then it is hard for you to make that decision and not feel bad about it"

-"Like when you bring home the cake that I don't like?" - she asked with a diabolical grin on her little face. Good point. She got me right there. I remember the face she made the first time I did that, and the face she made every time I do the same.

-"Yeah, like when I bring home a carrot cake. But I do it because it is good for our health"

-"But I don't like it. I like chocolate or vanilla better" - Not the first time hearing her saying that I must admit.

-"I know..." - her face was a clear indication to me to maybe bring two small cakes instead of a big one the next time I went grocery shopping. I was glad that she understood the concept of what I was trying to explain to her. It was not the response that I wanted though - feeling guilty was not what I needed right now.

- "Can I help you?" - she walked around the mess and looked at the papers, probably feeling as confused as I was when she came from the bathroom.

-"Well, I am not sure. There is a lot of papers that you would need to read and understand, and we both know that it will take a lot of time for you to read them all" - I was trying to explain to her how she would not be able to give me a hand with the actual work I needed to finish tonight - "Maybe you can help me tomorrow morning, putting everything in my closet if you like. Would you like to help me with that?"

-"Ok, I guess" - she wasn't sounding all that convinced.

-"But?" - I grabbed her by the waist and gave her a soft hug and a kiss on her forehead.

-"I mean if I can help you to make the decision you need to make"

I wasn't expecting that.

She was gone for a solid 5 minutes, or maybe more. I knew she went to her room because I could hear her moving things around and opening drawers, but I wasn't sure what she was doing. And her explanation before leaving was not that clear to me anyway. What do you make when a six years old girl tells you that she may have what you need to finish your work? I went back to the task on hand and tried to complete the last notes and diagrams on my pad. I was already focused and didn't notice when she returned. I wasn't sure how long she was standing next to me but she didn't pull my robe this time, so there was no jumping from the floor.

-"I found it!" - she said when I finally turned my face to her.

-"What do you mean you 'found' it? What were you looking for?"

-"Oh, I remembered what I got for my birthday. It always helps me when I need to pick between two or more things and I can't decide by myself. Maybe it will help you too"

Her birthdays were always packed with lots of presents, not just from me and my husband, but also from the whole family and friends. I had no idea which presents she was talking about, or even which birthday. But she had the widest smile I ever saw on her face, and that was a good sign for me. I started feeling relaxed already.

-"Ok then! Any help would be greatly appreciated! What do you have for me, my little angel?" - I didn't notice before that she was keeping her hands hidden on her back, probably holding something. She kept them like that while she started explaining to me how to 'get help'. I didn't want to look at her hands or turn her around. I was amazed by her pose and presence while she was explaining her plan to me.

-"Ok. You just need to hold it with your hands and ask it whatever you want to ask. It will give you an answer right away. Do you understand? But you need to believe that it will give you the right answer every time, or it will not work. You need to believe it..." - I suddenly remembered how my husband's mom was a very religious woman and how she was always telling everybody how God will help them in any circumstances, especially during family reunions when somebody started talking about their issues. I mean, she was well-intended when she talked about her faith, not pushing it but just chatting away. She always made you feel comfortable with her even if your convictions were different from hers. She talked and talked, but also listened with genuine curiosity and without judgment. But I was not sure if my daughter could understand those concepts in the same way as we do. Even I had my doubts and questions here and there. I was thinking if grandma may have given her a religious object like she usually does, and by the manner that she was still holding her hands behind her, I started to think that this could be the case. What else could she be using to look for answers when she needed them?

-"Ok, I can do that. But you will need to teach me how to talk to it. Alright?"

-"Well" - she moved one of her hands from her back and scratched her hair while keeping the other still in the same position - "You just ask what you want to know and it will respond. You may need to shake it a little, but it will work every time"

'Shake it'. I was now fully immersed and intrigued to a point of no return. I needed to see what she was holding in her hand. The night was running non-stop and I hadn't finished the last items on my to-do list for the project. But I didn't want to push her. She was taking her time, and I was ok with that.

-"So, are you going to give it to me now?" - I asked while extending my hand towards her. She stayed still for a few seconds, like double-guessing me or re-thinking what she would do next. But she finally moved her hand from the back and placed the object on mine.

-"Here. And come to my bed when you are done. I want you to read me a story as always"

Later on, it was all done and packed. The presentation was saved on my laptop and all the papers were put away in my closet. I was already taking a bath after reading her the story about a little bear that got lost in the forest, running behind a butterfly. She loved that book in particular because, well, she loved butterflies. She loved all animals in general. A trip to the zoo was a magical adventure every time, and I was already thinking about taking her there again soon. She deserved that, after what she did for me tonight.

My hands were feeling like human hands again, and my lower back had stopped hurting once the hot water and the bath bomb started doing their job. It has been, without a doubt, a long day, filled with so many turning points. The stress took its toll on me, but I was fighting back. I was playing some instrumental music on the good old record player in the living room, and I had a candlelit on top of the sink. Lavender always made me smile, for some reason.

I was still thinking about how she looked at me all seriously while she was telling me how she used it when she needed an answer for an issue or a guide for when she didn't know how to deal with some trouble, and how I could use it too to help me to get out of the problem I had in my hands. She was a precious angel tonight. I was always feeling blessed for having her in my life, but that feeling got pumped up even more - if that's even possible - when she placed that object in my hands.

I walked out of the bathtub and grabbed my robe. Although I wanted to stay longer, I was getting hungry and went to the kitchen to eat something before bed. As I was walking and put my hands inside my right pocket, I touched it. It was still there. I took it and looked at it in awe. A simple object, but used properly - following the instructions provided by my daughter - a powerful one. She knew that alright, at such young age.

The kitchen felt cold after the bath, and I decided that I didn't want to cook. So I went to the fridge and took what I needed to make myself a sandwich. Turned around and went to the pantry to take a bag of salt & vinegar chips - my favorite - and placed everything on the table. My stomach was already talking to me with a demanding voice. I went back to the fridge to see what I could drink and noticed that there were no soft drinks on hand. I looked to the left side of the fridge's door over the counter and saw the coffee maker my husband gave me for my birthday. It was one of those nice little machines that can make one single cup at a time. Perfect.

Walked to the cupboard and grabbed the mug that's shaped like a cat sitting down on its back legs, ears included. It was a Christmas present from my mom, from a couple of years ago, right before she passed away. It was as precious to me as it could be. I went back to the coffee machine and opened the little drawer that was under it. There were plenty of options to pick from, but I wanted tea. Coffee seemed like a bad idea if I wanted to sleep. So I went back to the pantry to see if there was some tea I could grab and to my surprise, we still had a few different flavors and mixes. Another decision to make.

-"Well, she said that it will help me with 'any' trouble I may have. I wonder if that applies to this too..." - I knew it was silly to ask for that kind of help on something as mundane as which flavor of tea to prepare, but I was in a really good mood after the bath and didn't want to spend any more energy on any decision-making process. So I took it from my bathrobe and hold it with my right hand, close to my heart - as it was perfectly noted by my daughter during my 'training' - and of course, didn't forget to give it a little shaking.

-"Do you think that I should drink a chamomile and lemon tea mix tonight"

The response came to me almost immediately.

"without a doubt"

As reported by everybody else before me for many years now, as always, the Magic 8 Ball did its job extremely well.