Heart of Despair

I picked myself up from the rubble. Looking around at what was, just moments ago, a thriving metropolis, I could hardly wrap my mind around the ruins than now lay before me. How was it? How was it that my life, the simple anxieties that had plagued me just hours ago, the job I was afraid to lose, the family I couldn’t disappoint, could all be erased in a fraction of a second?

Family- That’s right! I was just heading to meet my older sister in the park! After mother had passed, Ami and Mina were all I had left. We were all any of us had… Tears ran like torrents down my face as I sprinted over rubble to find her. They can’t be gone… They can’t be!

Flashes of memory passed through my mind as I struggled through the denial. My high school graduation, just months after losing Mother, when Ami presented me with a gift. All the fruits of her endless labor, in one little golden nugget. The little heart-shaped locket, suspended on a braided gold chain, contained a family picture. All were present. I don’t even know how she managed to find it after the fire. Before walking the stage, she presented it and a bouquet of lively yellow roses and told me, “Wherever you find yourself in life, we will always be with you!”

Blinded by my own tears, I came back to reality as I found myself tripping over debris. I was here. I was in the park… Looking around wildly I couldn’t see her!

“Ami! Ami! Where are you! Mina! AMI!”

Suddenly I felt something under my hand. Looking down, I couldn’t accept it. Not-! Mina’s little shoe… Whaling in agony, I hardly noticed as another person approached and pulled me up on my feet. Something about radiation and we had to move quickly… What does it even matter? What is life if I’m alone… Why do I get to live anyway?

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Within a matter of weeks, it was clear we would have to take sides. Either be complicit prisoners to our new captors, or resist. The peace we were told to believe was nothing but lies and political soundbites intended to keep those in power in power just a little longer. Our online experience had been edited to “keep the peace,” and only the seemingly most unstable among us knew the truth. It had finally happened. All our police actions had backfired and the countries and people we had terrorized as well as those who loathed our power otherwise had united against us. Each civilian would be hunted until we were wiped out or imprisoned at their mercy.

There were still a few strongholds. Weapons caches the government had overlooked, wooded fields and forests, abandoned oil locations and crops we could gain an advantage in. Each fought and worked to regain ground. An old commune just outside of what was Fort Worth, Texas, is where I now found myself. Fighting against the inevitable for dear life, I spent my time hoping against hope to one day be reunited with my sisters.

In the chaotic aftermath, after multiple attacks on the surviving women and femmes, it was decided we would separate from the men, save a very few practical allies who would share scouting information with us in exchange for our craftmanship services. A commune of former creators and artists, we controlled the supply of weapons and armor. Occasionally, we would join forces and set out on scouting trips in search for food and other supplies.

It was on one such trip that a drifting voice changed everything. On the outskirts of former Haltom City, I heard her. I heard Ami call out for Mina,

“Mimi, come here! Stay with me!” Ami cried out in desperation.

Looking up from the field in which we were hiding, I noticed the invading forces had repurposed an old motel as a prison camp. Ami, filthy in her favorite sundress, now tattered, was quietly chasing after Mina along the fence. She had gotten so big… I wondered how it was for her, spending a year of her early youth behind a wall, subject to the cruelty of these men… Gab, my only friend in the world, could see how enraged I was, and it was all she could do to prevent me blowing our cover.

“Shhh! Bide your time. We’ll stake it out and come back when the time is right. They will be freed.”

Clutching the locket Ami had given me so many years ago, I mustered all my strength and nodded in acknowledgment. If it were the last thing I did, my sisters would be imprisoned no longer. I owed Ami that much.

It was decided that we would divide their attention. A group would attack from the north, making use of our familiarity with a heavily wooded park, and draw the bulk of the guards away while another group would perform an extraction mission to free the prisoners and gather or destroy their supplies. We would need as many assault rifles as we could get our hands on, and several explosives. Gab was an expert woodworker and laid several deadly trip-wire traps. We would attack at midnight, while their guard was down and visibility was low. Gab would lead the attack while I lead the extraction.

On the fateful night, terror coursed through me as the initial explosion of the outer wall permeated the darkness and the gunfire began. Begging the fates to protect Gab and the others, I led a small group of 5 around the back and cut through the fence. Our objective was to subdue and capture the enemy where possible and safely evacuate the prisoners, taking with us all useful supplies we could carry. With the mission nearly complete, we rounded the corner to the final holding room. There is where I saw them. Initially terrified, Mina recognized me and suddenly lit up crying out, “KIKI!,”

In a panic, Ami silenced her and immediately followed the party out of the room. As they rounded the corner, a guard entered and took a shot, just barely missing Ami. Enraged and determined to protect my sisters at all cost, I lunged toward him in an attempt to disarm him.

After forcing the gun out of his hands, the rest became a red-hot blur. All I remember is being pinned to the floor, my left arm searing with pain, as he attempted to finish me off. Suddenly, he fell lifeless beside me and Gab’s face, covered in mud, appeared above me as I lost consciousness.

I would later learn that the prisoners got away relatively unharmed, and after subduing the enemies in the park Gab had heard the gunshots and lead her team in as reinforcements. The man I was fighting had managed to cut my left arm deep as I took his gun. I fought him off long enough for my sisters to get to safety and for Gab to find me and tranquilize him. The surviving enemy forces were subjected to prison camps, and we managed to regain control of a good portion of the city for the time being.

When I finally woke up, I was back at the commune. It had all felt like a terrible dream, until I saw Ami and Mina beside me. As I sat up, Ami opened her eyes and immediately jumped up, fussing as usual.

“Kiki, you’re hurt! How could you put yourself in danger like that! Just lay down and rest!” She scolded me, but as Mina rustled in her sleep, I could see her smile as a tear came to her eye.

“How is she? I hope she didn’t suffer too much,” I say, through gritted teeth.

“She’s resilient, just like her mother. I doubt if anyone could break her spirit,” Ami answered, her eyes exhausted, and as she spoke, I couldn’t help wondering how many nights she spent sleepless, silently crying on her youngest sister’s behalf.

I silently grabbed her hand, and as she looked up at me with a tear falling down her cheek, said, “Men may have destroyed this world, but we will rebuild it. For Mina.”

There are two pictures in my locket now. One of the family and world we once had, and one of the three of us, post-battle, building the world yet to come. In the year 2120, we would begin again.