Have You Got a Minute?

Ring.........

Ring.........

Ring.........

+ line crackles +

+ an excited voice from down the phone; his tailored suit and (very large, very expensive, and very white teeth) are audible in his tone +

Hello? Hello! Thank you for taking my call. Have you got a minute? I just want to talk to you about-

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No, no, I'm not a Jehovah's Witness. Listen, I -

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No, <laughs> I'm not selling anything, I promise! I'm calling to offer you an exciting opportunity!

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Please! Just one minute of your time, that's all I ask. This really is an amazing opportunity, and I want to share it with you. How would you like the chance to amass vast quantities of wealth? Of course you would, who wouldn't? Hmmm? Hear me out, what do you say?

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Quick? Oh, nooooo, you wouldn't get rich "quick", I'm afraid. Those kind of things are always a scam. No, if someone promises you such a deal you should always treat it with suspicion. In this plan, some patience is required. That is one way you know it is a legitimate enterprise. But I can tell you that wealth is almost certainly guaranteed if you play your cards right. Plus, you can get in on it yourself and experience amazing health benefits! I have retained a wonderful youthful complexion thanks to this terrific diet and skin care regime, and I have never been stronger or fitter. It's really changed my li... well, it's really changed things for me.

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Ah, ahaha, yes, my father used to say something very similar! But if you think it sounds too good to be true, then I think I have at least got your attention. Am I right?

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Catch? What do you mean, catch?

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Ah, I see. Well, obviously, it's not free. But I will be very upfront with you about what is required from you - there is no hidden cost. The main drawback is you'll get very sucked into the job. All you'll want to do is recruit others, just the way I'm recruiting you. And of course there's an easy way to deal with that drive - you use it! Go for it! Success will be yours for the taking!

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Well... yeessss, the people you recruit would become just like you - recruiting others.

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I suppose you could look at it that way, yes - they would be your direct competitors, in a way. But don't you see, there are so many potential recruits, that's hardly an issue.

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Finite number, you say? Umm, I suppose....

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Yes, numbers of recruits could grow exponentially if we-

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I see what you mean about the falling birth rate, but I really think that is not likely to be a problem for many decades, maybe even centuries.

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In theory, yes, as I said the health benefits are significant and you could live for- I tell you what, howaboutIsendyousomedetailsby-

+ line cuts +

+ dial tone +

Darling? Darling, who was that on the phone?

Nobody important, dear, just another one of those Vampyramid Schemes.

They're getting worse than the PPI people! I hope you told him where to go.

I humoured him for a while, and then I hung up on him.

You shouldn't encourage them, dear, you have to be firm.

You know I don't like to be rude.

Hanging up on him was rude.

Yes, dear.

I shall hang some garlic at the window tonight, then, shall I?

Good idea. And no negligee.

Alright, darling.

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<years pass>

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Ringgg...

Ri-

+ line connects +

<cheerily> Go for Simpson!

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Sure, I've got a minute.

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...

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Woah, no way! Forever? Really?

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...

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OK, yeah, sounds good. So what's the next step?

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I guess I could take a day next week and meet you in the- wait, what?

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Really? Well, in that case come on in and we can discuss this over a dri-- Ah.

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Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment to make it easy for me to reciprocate.

If you would like some more bits and bobs from me:

Here is my most recent microfiction

Here is a poem

Here is some content that is not blood or death related