Guadalupe

My heart pounded in my chest as though it were trying to escape my rib cage. I could hear my pulse throbbing in my eardrums as adrenaline surged through my veins. I was doing it! I had been dreaming of this day since I was a little girl. Today was the day I was finally going to swim with sharks!

Okay, so I wasn't really going to swim with sharks, I was on my way to Guadalupe Island to go cage diving with great white sharks. I wanted to be up close and personal with these animals, but I didn't have a death wish.

I found it hard to sit still and squirmed in my seat as the boat made its way to our destination. I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself down. I could hear the other passengers talking excitedly to each other, and the instructors getting our gear ready for the dive, but it was all a blur to me. Swimming with sharks may have been my lifelong dream, but there were so many obstacles I had to overcome to be sitting on this boat.

I was four years old when I watched the Jaws movies with my dad. Instead of scaring me like it should have, I fell madly in love with sharks. I find them fascinating. I watch Shark Week every year, I wouldn't miss a single episode, which is why I chose Guadalupe Island to go cage diving, as it is featured quite a bit during this event.

I swore, as a little girl, that I was going to swim with them one day. The only problem was, I hated water. The ocean just feels dirty to me and makes my skin itch. Also, as I grew older and progressed through school. I learned about bacteria, parasites and all the nasty things that can get you in the water. These things scared me more than sharks however, so I had been spending my life building up to my goal of swimming with sharks, and getting over my aversion to water, to be here.

I know it is kind of weird to have a dream of swimming with sharks while having an extreme distaste for water, that is why cage diving was my first step to be able to swim freely with less harmless sharks.

The boat slowed to a stop as we neared the island. You could see the sea lions dotting the beach and the water was clear and gorgeous. My heart began to race again as a dark shadow swam into view followed by another one. The size of the shadows alone could induce fear, they say these fish were big, but to see it in person, is a whole other story.

I rushed to the side of the boat and climbed onto the railing to look into the water as one of those shadows swam close. It swam beneath me, only slightly distorted from the water, and I saw the beauty of a creature that most people just found horrifying. It glided through the water with a flick of a tail, its dorsal fin sticking out proudly from the water. This animal didn't care we were there, it wasn't afraid of us, it swam by for a quick peek and then went on its way.

I jumped off the railing and headed over to my things to wiggle my way into my wet suit. I was itching to get into the water to see these creatures up close and personal.

Finally, The instructors called for our attention and went over safety and rules. My attention span was thinning with my eagerness to get into the water, something I never thought I would experience, and I found myself searching the water for more shadows rather than actually paying attention.

As the cages were lowered into the water, we split off into our groups and as we were doing this, I couldn't help but notice one of those dark shadows a little off in the distance, switch directions and was coming toward the invading cages. A shudder ran through my body as fear and anticipation battled it out in my head, the ultimate battle of fight or flight. This may be my dream, and I may love sharks, but that didn't mean I wanted to be their next meal, well judging from their size, their midday snack. I wasn't going to chicken out though. I had come this far and I would despise myself if I turned back now.

I decided to distract myself when listening to my instructor didn't take my focus off of the dark shadows that swam just under the surface. How many Shark Weeks had I seen in my lifetime? How many images of the magnificent fish had I seen jumping out of the water to catch their prey? Would I be lucky enough to see that? I had already seen more than I had hoped. These were animals, not something you can control, sometimes people came out to cage dive and never saw a single shark, I had already seen one from the surface. With the massive population of seals on the island, was it even rare to see something like that here? Seeing that happen would take a lifelong dream, and turn it into the most amazing day of my life.

The Instructor interrupted my thoughts as he guided me towards one of the cages, and helped me get my oxygen tank on. There was a small ledge on the back of the boat at the water's edge, and the cage sat right next to it. There was another instructor standing on that ledge and when I was all situated and ready to go, he held his hand out to me to help me onto it. I hesitated for a moment. That ledge was awfully small and both it and the caged bobbed up and down with the water. I was not the most graceful person under normal circumstances, but add a heavy oxygen tank, and a moving target, I was doomed to be shark meat.

I peaked over the side of the boat to get a good view of the water next to the cage. I couldn't see any dark shadows, but that still didn't fill me with much hope that I would reach the safety of the cage before my "gracefulness", caused me to land my happy behind in the water. I looked back at the instructor who continued to hold his hand out for me and he gave me an encouraging smile.

With a heavy sigh, convinced I was about to be eaten alive, I reached for his hand and climbed over the back of the boat. I don't think I took a breath until I was in the safety of the cage in the cool water, waiting for my cage mates to climb in with me.

My instructor gave the thumbs up and we situated our masks and respirators into place as the top of our cage was closed and secured. I closed my eyes tightly and didn't open them again until I was completely submerged and my ears popped from the pressure change. I slowly opened my eyes and saw nothing but blue. I may not like the water very much, but I couldn't deny the sight before me was beautiful.

I reached out and wrapped my hands around the bars to stabilize myself, and looked around. I didn't see anything but endless and varying shades of blue and some pretty ugly fish, but no sharks. We were still descending to our depth, which was about thirty feet. Remembering I had a 360 degree view, I looked around, still keeping my hands tight on the bars. I looked as far as I could see and there were still no sharks. Where did all those dark shadows go?

Finally, what started out as a dark spot in the distance slowly materialized into view. The shark swam through the water as if we weren't even there, about ten feet below us. Our cage stopped. The giant shark swam below us like it didn't have a care in the world. But, I only saw it from above, I wanted to see more.

My shark friend was nothing but a dark spot in the distance when a tap on my shoulder distracted me and I looked up at my instructor. It's funny, I almost forgot there was anyone else in the cage with me. He pointed over my shoulder and I turned to look. My whole body went still in awe. There it was! It was so close. It couldn't even be ten feet away as it swam closer still. Every movie, every documentary, every picture I had ever seen, did a lousy job at preparing me for the real thing.

I was scared to breathe, scared to move. I didn't want to do anything to make it go away. The gracefulness of it's movements, that black of its eyes, the sharp contrast from the grey of its back to the white of its belly, it was the most amazing thing I had ever seen. Rather than fear, I just felt complete and total amazement. They are portrayed as these scary water predators that attack without mercy, but all I could see was a beautiful fish that had survived prehistoric times. The only thing menacing about this animal were its razor sharp teeth and enormous size. As it swam closer, I didn't find myself backing away from the bars, but grasping them, wishing I could get closer, wishing could just reach out and feel it's skin.

A kind of peace washed over me as I watched it swim in front of us and then away. That's the best way I can describe it, a weird sort of tranquility of watching what people believe were monsters, with absolutely no fear of it killing me. The shark had no intention of hurting us. Without the safety of the cage, things would most likely be very different, but from where I stood, holding onto the bars and watching it swim away, all I could think about was how lucky I was for this special experience. I would never be able to accurately explain the feelings going on inside me at that moment.

I don't know how long we were actually down there for, time ceased to exist for me, but however long it was, it wasn't nearly long enough. In total, we had seen three different sharks.

As we made our way back to the boat and got rid of all our gear, I slipped a hoodie on and sat at the back of the boat so I could watch as we left the island and headed home. What a magical experience. One that I knew most people would not get a chance to experience themselves. I had spent years saving for this trip and I knew without a doubt in my mind, if it took me ten more years, I would save up and do it again.

As the distance grew between the boat and the island, something to the left caught my eye. I squinted to figure out what it was... a seal maybe? Seconds later, there was no doubt as to what it was as an explosion of water broke the surface, a massive great white emerged, a seal in its mouth, and with a mighty splash, disappeared back below the water. Just a few seconds in time, if I hadn't been looking, I would have missed it. Some of the other passengers saw it as well, and they rushed to the back of the boat pointing and talking to each other excitedly. I sat in my seat, my chin on my chest, and just gaped at the ripples in the water where the shark had just disappeared. What an amazing and mysterious world we live in where even sea monsters could be beautiful.