Green

Read these first:

***

Three months after the funeral

"Gabe!"

I race over to the green slide where I last saw Andrea. She is on the ground, her hoodie and jeans covered in wood shavings and blood. A looming shadow of a man stands over her, grinning evilly.

I'm too late.

Andrea's eyes shift in my direction. "You promised. You promised to protect me.

Why weren't you here?"

My eyes pop open as I nearly jump out the bed. Catching my breath comes easier now; the dreams are more frequent than I would ever dare admit.

The phone vibrates on the dresser next to me, lighting up the room in a haunting blue glow. It is five AM, who in the world would be calling me this early? I don't even bother looking at the caller id, determined to tell off the idiot disturbing my crappy sleep. Yeah, it isn't fair since the nightmare did that, but I'm not exactly at a ten in the cognitive department.

"Listen here--"

"Cool your jets, Gabe, you told me to call." The fact that the person calling this early is my best friend, Jameson ticks me off even more.

"Why would I--"

"Stop getting all pissy--"

"Stop interrupting me, get off the phone so I can get some sleep, and maybe I will."

There is a pause and a deep sigh. "I would normally feel guilty, but you're the one who said he would go on a run with me." Crap, I did tell him that. "So get changed and get your butt downstairs." Jameson hangs up the phone before I can respond.

Going for a run is the last thing I want to do, but maybe it'll do me some good. Maybe I can get away from my own personal hell for a while.

***

To say the run is tense would be an understatement. Instead of the playful teasing between Jameson and I, there is only an icky silence. The running adds fuel to the guilt, anger, and ache in my heart, squeezing it more and more.

Jameson taps me on my shoulder, chest heaving like he's out breath. "Hey, let's take a break."

I almost argue, but now that we've stopped, my body screams for mercy. With a nod, we both collapse on the ground, next to a familiar small sign.

A moment passes before I turn my head and read the sign--Botanical Garden Park. I sit up, looking past the sign at the green park equipment, specifically the slide. The very one from my dream.

"The slide was her favorite." The words feel like sandpaper going down my throat.

I feel Jameson place a hand on my shoulder. "I miss her too."

I lose it; my head drops to my knees as sobs wreck my body.

"I should have been here, man. Maybe if I had--"

"Don't. You can't do that."

"I was supposed to protect her. I'm her brother," I exhale loudly, "was."

"You can't protect others from their demons. Only yourself."

Those words stuck with me, echoing in my head as we picked ourselves up and headed back to my place. After Jameson left, I pick up the phone and slowly dial a number.

"Hello, this is Evelyn with Waterside Mental Wellness. How can I help you?"

"I'd like to schedule a therapy appointment."

Word Count: 553 words

***

Dear reader,

I am back!

I went on a mental health break for a little bit, which is why you have not seen anything from me recently. Lesson here, there isn't any shame with taking a break even if it from the things you love or bring you joy. I know that sounds confusing, but when you are dealing with a lot of negative emotions, the things that make you happy can start to feel like a chore, a "something I have to do." Plus, for me, my writing suffers when I push, rather than let it flow.

I want to talk about the statement Gabriel's friend Jameson said; "You can't protect others from their demons. Only yourself." It was something a friend told me one time when I felt an immense amount of guilt after losing someone to suicide. What they meant was this: It is not our responsibility to save others from their dark and twisted feelings. This does not mean we can't provide comfort, but it is not fair to yourself to place that extra pressure on yourself. It is not fair to us or to your friends; we can't help them if we are destroying ourselves in the process.

Coming up next with be Blue, Indigo, and Violet. Then I will release a piece taking you through the process of writing Colors of Grief and what might be coming up next.