Grandad Jokes, Batch #3

101

We all live in a corona submarine.

102

I know a Grand Old Party who swallowed a lie.

I don't know why it swallowed the lie.

Perhaps it'll die.

103

I hear that Trump threw out all the books in the White House

and replaced them with a

lie-brary.

104

I can imagine US one-dollar bills of the future.

An image of Trump behind bars

and the slogan

"In jail we trust."

105

GOP senators are with Trump

for the wrong haul.

106

Name for a club of covid survivors --

The IV League

107

We need to remove the cancerous Lump

from the White House.

108

Once again,

two paths diverged in the woods,

and this time

we did not follow the sociopath

and that will make all the difference.

109

The only place in the world

with a worse political environment than the US

is Antarctica.

It is totally polarized.

110

After four years of

cutting classes,

ignoring assignments,

and cheating,

Trump is flunking out of Electoral College.

111

The blue and red maps of 2020 voting

are morphing into a work of art --

an electoral collage.

112

I'd like lots and lots of icing

on a huge celebratory cake.

Let's eat cake,

while the GOP eats humble pie.

113

The only way Trump will make a concession speech

is if he gets the beer concession at Yankee Stadium.

114

In chess,

Trump is terrible at endgame.

And in golf,

he's missed five putts on the 18th green.

115

Trump is now in transition mode

moving from news

to noose.

116

Oh, Donny Boy,

The pipes, the pipes are calling.

Your day is done.

It's time to go away.

117

The Canadian geese are happy.

They had been in serious discussions

about whether to return to the US in the spring.

Now they are relieved and biden their time.

118

Trump declared winner

in the State of Denial,

which has 10 million electoral votes.

He's also expected to win in Narnia.

119

I hear that Trump tried to ban bicycles

because they're sexually ambiguous.

120

Trump lies on Twitter and on FOX and in the Oval Office.

He lies in bed.

He even lies about where his golf ball lies.

121

Trump's chess game is just about over.

It's a crook and pawns endgame.

122

To protect us from aliens

Trump built a wall in space

paid for by Martians.

123

Let's face it

Trump has gone totally

coup coup.

124

The pardoning paperwork is going to be overwhelming.

Trump should simply issue

remove-the-charge cards

to everyone who ever worked for him.

125

Record numbers of people are going to Hell.

But have no fear.

There will be plenty of room for them.

Trump will be opening a Trump Tower there.

And he'll be on-site to manage it personally.

126

Those who are polite say, "Yes, ma'am."

Trump says, "Yes, mayhem."

128

The stalemate between red and blue

will end

when red leaders start wearing orange.

129

Suggested slogan for Fucks News --

Believe what we say,

not what you see.

130

The millipede was confused by social distancing rules.

He couldn't decide which six feet.

131

What is Trump doing for Easter?

Nothing.

The Easter Bunny refused to sign a non-disclosure.

132

I used to dread the thought of being confined in a space ship

for a seven-month voyage to Mars.

Now, thanks to Covid,

I realize that would be easy.

133

Gun control legislation puts

The New Yorker, Atlantic Monthy, Harper's

and other periodicals at risk.

They are high-capacity magazines.

134

Trump's post-governmental business --

a chain of brain-washing laundromats.

For $1, you'll never have to think again.

135

There should be a swearing out ceremony for Trump,

with lots of swearing.

136

In case of a zombie invasion

Trump would be safe.

No brains.

137

If Trump had been properly vetted,

we wouldn't have ended up with a mad cow for president.

138

The GOP has shown that when shit hits fans

loyal fans say "thank you."

139

Trump should welcome the trial.

Despite everything he has done,

finally he'll be known as

a man of conviction.

140

In his retirement,

Trump should start a music company,

and call it The Police,

so he can give all his friends a police record.

141

Rather than provide succor to the

downtrodden and needy,

Trump treats them all as suckers.

142

It's time for the swan song of the lame duck.

143

What do you call right-wing diarrhea of the mouth?

Fox trots.

144

Trumpites want to replace the Statue of Liberty

with the Statute of Limitations.

145

Trump wanted to buy an Italian car company

so he could rule by Fiat.

146

Trump motto --

There is no crime like the present.

147

What does everyone who has died of covid have in common?

They are all dead.

148

The only thing that's clear-cut in America today is the forest.

149

If they sit inside, they pay a cover charge.

If they sit outside, they pay a covid charge.

If they sit in the woods, at midnight, they pay a coven charge.

150

He's an optimist.

He took drawing lessons,

hoping that he could take part

in the drawing

and quartering

of Trump.

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