Goldieglock and the three bears
Fucked Up Fairytales - An Unofficial Challenge
There was a young girl named Goldieglock who was wandering through the woods. She pulled out her gun, something which she always brought with her, and aimed it towards a nearby rabbit. BANG. She missed. The rabbit was now long gone. Goldieglock cursed to herself and decided to carry on walking.
Her stomach was rumbling loudly. It rumbled so loud that a few birds perched atop a tree nearby flew away in fear. She quickly pulled out her gun, but the birds were already long gone.
She eventually came across a small house in the woods and smelled something that sure did smell very good. It was a cheesy smell, with a scent of freshly baked bread. Without thinking Goldieglock dashed toward the house.
When she entered she imminently followed the smell. There were three freshly baked pizzas sitting on the kitchen counter! She went over to the three pizzas and took a bite from each. One had too much cheese, the other had pineapple but the one in the middle was just right. Pepperoni with just the perfect amount of cheese; as well as stuffed crust! She devoured the pizza so quickly that she could still feel it's warmth inside her stomach.
She yawned and yawned and yawned. She looked around the house for a bit, before heading upstairs where she found three beds. "I guess a divorce is inevitable" She muttered to herself with a grin. She tried all three beds. One was too big, the other was too small but the one in the middle was just right. She fell asleep quickly.
Suddenly, there was a noise. She awoke to see three bears looking at her. Two were big and one was small. "Get fucked!" She screamed whilst pulling out her gun and blasting the entire clip towards the three bears. When the shooting was finished, she was frozen stiff. She had missed every single shot.
The small bear looked up. The medium sized bear looked down. But the big bear looked straight into Goldieglock's eyes. He licked his lips and to Goldieglock's horror, he began to speak.
"Darling, son" He laughed with a deep voice "I guess our dinner has indeed arrived"
Created for L.C. Schäfer's unofficial Fucked up fair tale challenge
https://vocal.media/writers/fucked-up-fairytales-an-unofficial-challenge
About the Creator
Hywel Latimyr
I kinda suck at writing but I enjoy it
Anyway, here's a dumb little haiku:
The gunslinger draws
His opponent does the same
oh dear, they both died
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Comments (5)
About time Glocks got eaten, they are bears for goodness sakes. Who gets away after stealing from bears, hahahahahahahah. Great gods, she missed all the bears? Wow!
Goldieglock. Just give me a minute here to stop laughing my ass off. Goldieglock. Bahhhhhhhh. Love that she can't hit that. Maybe she should have visited the woman with the shoe fettish and all the brats cuz she can't keep 'em closed? Might have worked out better than getting her, ahem, goose cooked.
Goldilocks either gonna get roasted or fried until she's golden brown hehehheeh. Loved your story!
That is what she deserved, can't hit shit
😅😁🥳 Love the creative title and twist on the original. Well done!