Ghost

It was the time of the Pear tree. Mornings held the reminisce magic of being fifteen and holding a pack of menthol cigarettes. Crisp, refreshing, and tasting of teenage rebellion. Afternoons were lackadaisical and quintessential charming. Warm, breezy, and comforting. Summers suffocating hands had lifted and winters frozen disciplinary bearing was months away. For the Pear tree, unlike most trees, these days between wicked heat and terrifying cold were when it was at it’s best. It’s fruit plump, tight and firm held a sweet nectar fit for the Gods. For the birds, who had not yet migrated, this was their final moment to gorge; for the bees the blooming blossoms gave them a last-minute reprieve to fill their hives with honey. These days were Kevin’s favorite, but Kevin wasn’t here. He was somewhere far far away fighting a fight that most people had forgotten. This had been Kevin’s tree, the one he had planted years ago, and as Janet pulled a pear down from one of the many heavily laden branches a part of her heart felt like it was breaking deep inside.

Kevin had cared for the tree and nurtured it as if he was its mother. Sometimes his imagination and passion would get the better of him in those early years. He would swear there were pears that were not there and then cuss out the birds for taking his first imaginative fruit. The first blossoms had Kevin jumping around the yard like a five-year-old child getting their favorite gift on Christmas day. Some days she found him sitting outside whispering how it was the best littlest pear tree in the whole wide world. He called it Henry.

Taking a bite, she remembered the last time his hands wrapped around her midsection. His lips brushed softly against her neck. It was the night before he had left. Sometimes he would say something romantic and other times it would be a silly stupid joke. That night he hadn’t said a word. A tear rolled down mixing with juice from the fruit. She wiped both away and tried to compose herself. One more month is all, she thought. Just one more month and he’ll be home.

“Janet?”

Her back stiffened. A wavering hand lifted to her mouth. She didn’t dare to turn around. Only a few times in their life had he returned home early. Once when he had taken a round that shattered his thigh, twice when the mission had become a bust, and another when their son had nearly died. She whirled around disbelieving that he could really be standing there. Her eyes didn’t lie though. “Kevin? You’re back early?” It was more statement than question.

“I’m not… I don’t know. I’m not sure what is going on.” He was dressed in his combat military uniform. Dirty, ragged, and stained. His clean-shaven face wore a five-day growth. The hair was not what military regulation allowed. It was wiry, unkempt, and matted with clumps of dirt and mud that hung well past the tops of his ear. His eyes were glazed with confusion and disbelief. As if he couldn’t comprehend that he was standing in the backyard of their home.

She didn’t care. He was here and not over there. Not fighting in some god forsaken country for a cause that its citizens didn’t care about. For at least a little while, she wouldn’t have that creeping fear whenever a story broke about another soldier being maimed or died. Janet dropped the pear, ran, and threw herself into his arms sobbing with relief. She didn’t care that her warrior reeked with gunpowder, dirt, musky body order, sweat, and blood. In that moment, he smelled like the gates of heaven had opened up.

“Hey.” His arms wrapped around her hugging her tight. “What’s going on?”

She couldn’t speak; she didn’t want to speak. He was here and that was all that mattered.

“It’s alright, baby.” His hands caressed her face. “I’m here.”

After a few minutes of standing, she stared up into his face. His sweet kind face that had been turned hard after years of endless deployments. “No more reenlisting. Promise me this is it.” It wasn’t a negotiation. It was a demand.

“Yeah yeah, sure. I was going to talk to you about it when I got back but I guess this is as good of a time as any. All I’ve been thinking is how I want to go to sleep in my bed at night. I’m missing out taking Vic to school. I’m tired, babe. I’m so damn tired of all this crap. I just want to be a husband and a father for once. I want to be with you.”

She nodded and kissed him on the lips.

“Hey, is that the Pear tree?”

She turned and laughed, “It’s full, isn’t it?”

“Hell, yeah it is.” Kevin ran over and pulled a fruit down. “I’ve never seen it like this. Wow! Just wow.” He took a bite. “Oh my God, this is so good. All I’ve been eating is MREs. Man, this is awesome.”

“Dad?” A tiny quiet voice whispered behind them.

Kevin eyes went wide, “Dude! You’ve gotten big.”

“Dad!” The shrill scream of it rang across the treetops and then a little boy with strawberry blond hair darted past her and across the lawn.

Kevin scooped him up and swung him around and around. Their giggles, laughter and joy seemed to raise the temperature a full two degrees. Stopping, Kevin pulled the boy back and asked, “So, you been keeping mom safe while I was away?”

The boy nodded.

“Now, that is what I’m talking about. Come here you,” Kevin said and hung the boy upside down while tickling him. The boy screeched and giggled. Finally, when they were both exhausted, they fell to the ground. Janet not wanting to be left out, picked a fresh couple of pears, and joined with them.

Together, they ate for a while, the sun shone just like it would have had it been spring, and several cardinals gathered in the treetops to watch the family on the ground.

“I think you need a bath?” Janet crinkled her nose.

He chuckled. “Yeah? You think?”

“I could put Vic down for a nap?” She gave him a sly half smile. “A welcome home gift?”

“A gift, huh?”

“Yeah, a gift mister.” She leaned over and kissed him.

“Sounds good to me.” He stood up. Kevin stopped. “I keep hearing something. I swear I do. I can’t make it out though. Like a chopper and people yelling. Weird.”

Janet only heard the normal sounds of winter heading there way. “I don’t hear anything.”

“All well. Let’s go big guy.” Kevin bounded into the house with the boy.

She waited for a second and then headed inside not bothering to shut the door behind her.

Her hands tapped on his chest and slowly stroked his chest hair. His skin was soft, warm, and alive. He was staring up at the ceiling and his eyes were glancing around. “Janet?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t remember coming here.”

“What? What do you mean?” She had pulled herself up onto her elbows looking him in the eyes.

“I’m saying I was there and then I was here. I don’t remember getting on a plane. I don’t remember being debriefed. I don’t remember anything except I was on a goat trail and then suddenly, I was in our yard. I think I might be losing it, Janet. I might have gone AWOL. I hear voices in my head, shouting, sounds. I might be going crazy.”

He had her full attention. “Oh baby. I’ll call the base.”

“No, I will.” He leaned over and grabbed his phone. “Either way, it might be a while till we do this again.”

She nodded.

He was talking and then arguing and then he placed the phone down and looked pale. He kept his back to her and was rubbing his hands through his hair. “They didn’t believe me,” he finally said.

“What?”

“They said it wasn’t funny and kept asking me who I was. I think they are sending a couple of guys over.” He glanced over at her. “Oh baby, I’m in some real trouble.”

“What are they going to do?”

“I don’t know. I think we should get dressed.”

When she came out of the bathroom, Kevin wasn’t there. She found him in Vic’s bedroom looking down at the sleeping little boy. He turned to her and handed her a letter, “Give this to him will you when it’s time. I wrote you one too. It’s on the nightstand.”

“What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing,” he said walking over to her. His hand caressed her face. “I love you so much.”

“You’re scaring me.”

Kevin shrugged and walked over to the window. “Nothing to be scared of. I think I know what is going on. If something happens to me you have to promise me you’ll live life to the fullest, Janet. Can you promise me that?”

“Live my life? What the hell, Kevin?”

“Just promise me, alright? That no matter what happens you’ll continue on. That you will live your dreams. Don’t let anything hold you back. Not now and not ever.”

“Stop talking like that.” Janet wrapped her hands around his waist and leaned her head against the skin of his back.

“I would like to have another pear before they get here,” Kevin muttered. Together, they went down to get one.

Kevin and Vic were playing together again, and Janet watched. This was how life was supposed to be. When they were tired, they plopped down and shared pears. By the end of the afternoon the doorbell rang. Kevin stood up and stared towards it. He looked over at Janet and said, “Would you mind getting that? I want a couple more seconds out here by myself if I can. Vic, you wouldn’t mind going with your mom, would you?”

` Janet gave Kevin a long stare and grabbed Vic’s hand. “I love you.”

“No matter what when this is over, I’ll be right here.”

They kissed and then she went to answer the door.

Two uniformed military men stood there and for a second Janet’s hand refused to lift. They were coming to take it all away. It wasn’t fair and it wasn’t right. She could feel the anger and the injustice of it all. It was never supposed to be this way. Then as if there was no more choice, she unlocked the door and opened it for them.

They stood there looking at her. One glanced down and then back up. Finally, his voice cracked and said, “Mam, we regret to inform you that your husband Sergeant Kevin McCarthy was…”

She didn’t hear anymore. In her ear, Kevin’s voice whispered, “Goodbye. I’m sorry. I love you.” She turned sharply glancing all around, but Kevin was no longer there. Then she screamed, dropped to her knees, rocked herself back and forth.

As the military men picked her up, she kept saying, “Kevin’s here. He’s here.”

The commanding officer was at a loss on what to say. The recording clearly was Kevin’s voice. The First Sergeant was angry and accusatory. “Here, you go,” he said handing over the tape to C.I.D. “Can you tell me what is going on?”

“Sir, I don’t think anyone knows what the hell is going on,” she answered back

Janet was sitting in the bathroom with the pregnancy test. It had been a month since that day. It was positive. Somewhere far away, Janet swore she could hear his voice.

“She’s going to be beautiful.”

Janet smiled and said, “I think her name is Autumn.”