Fated to End

Hanahaki… a disease born from an unrequited love in a world where soulmates exist. Ironic isn’t it? Almost as ironic as me, a hanahaki resident, finding my soulmate in my ward of all places. I didn't expect for my spark to happen when meeting a patient but when does anyone expect the entrance of their soulmate into their lives? When my eyes met hers it was as if small shocks danced across my skin and the sun from the window seemed to shine just a bit brighter. My mind went blank and it was like I forgot how to breathe for a moment. After that I was dazed, not even realizing the check up had finished until my ears heard the door closing from behind me and I was already in the hallway.

"Dr. Rosen I can't treat this patient," I blurted quietly to the department head once the door was closed.

"And why is that Rowan?"

"She is my soulmate and like family I can't treat her." He pondered on in for a few moments before responding.

"Do you want to be removed from the case? You are our only hanahaki resident, you're almost as rare as our patient."

Of course I didn't want to be removed. Objectively speaking, working this case would be a great honor. Hanahaki is a rare disease in which the patient's lungs slowly fill with flowers, the main symptom being the oral expelling of petals, and end in death. Root removal surgery is the only cure besides returned feelings but you run the risk of losing all of your emotions rather than just the feelings you hold for the other person. The former didn't happen often, my soulmate just happened to be one of the few and very little was known about those cases. At the shake of my head a smile tugged at the corners of his lips before he asked me a question.

"Do you believe an unrequited-love, borne from one’s choice, be overwritten by a love destined by fate?"

"... Yes. With time fate will somehow become your choice before you realize, isn't that what happened to you?"

I guess that was the right answer because he then asks, "Do you understand the risks?"

I nodded my head in response and with that I was told to stay on the case. Dr. Rosen would handle the protocol issues. That's how I ended up in her room yet again.

“So how are you feeling today Teela?”

“The same as usual,” she shrugged.

“No random sensations like last time?”

She shook her head. "Last time” referred to our spark. I read the doctor's notes in the file, since I was zoning out then, she said there was "slight discomfort in her chest and a sudden sense of chills." It only happened for a brief moment and once Dr. Rowan heard we were soulmates it was easy to put two and two together.

“Now I’m going to ask a few questions so we can better understand and treat your condition,” I explained and she nodded for me to continue, “Aside from emotions, have any of your other sensations dulled?”

“I don’t think so? My five senses are the same but maybe my pain tolerance got a bit higher? I didn’t really feel the IV being put in if that is a helpful gauge.”

Pain? That might be a problem, note to keep an eye on any injury the patient sustains… I went through a few more questions about the effects before my pen stopped at a blank section in her file.

“Since you’ve transferred post surgery, we need to ask questions to gauge the severity of your hanahaki… and how deep your feeling ran for the unrequited love,” I paused as conflict flashed across her eyes. “In theory the intensity of the emotion should correlate to the intensity of the disease but if you're uncomfortable we can discuss it another time," she nodded her head so I redirected, "then could you explain your discomfort?”

“Getting the roots removed stops the feelings, but it doesn’t erase the memories. I’m sure my situation is a bit different but my mind remembers how I felt, although it's like there is a glass wall in the way so I don’t feel any of it.”

That makes sense, the removal surgery was created to stop patients from dying from heartbreak. It just so happens that it helped them with the healing process as well, but does it really help when you can remember but not feel? As if proving her words, over the next few visits Teela began mimicking what she should feel based on the situation, mainly when her family came to visit. There was still a bit of the gap in the processing so she was a bit socially inept but her parents appreciated the effort. Other than that, and the change in pain tolerance which is still a bit concerning, there seemed to be no life hindering or threatening side effects. It was her last day of post op treatment so I felt it would be nice to change up the scenery before her discharge. That may have been a wrong move on my part… I couldn’t help but be distracted by how effortlessly beautiful she looked as she fought the loose strands of hair the breeze blew into her face.

“Dr. Lee?”

“Sorry the sun just felt so nice I spaced out for a moment,” I lied before clearing my throat, “so back onto topic… how long did you love him?’

Something else the past few visits revealed was the past that led her to her current situation. It was a “best friend’s brother” story. She formed feelings on her own and hoped he would be able to turn his back on fate for her like she did for him. Instead, after patiently waiting he appeared one day with his soulmate and a few days later the hanahaki began.

“Three years. Although looking back now, my love for him looks more like an obsession…”

“Did you ever think of your soulmate?”

“Whoever they were, if David had only turned my way I would have easily rejected them.”

I was glad she was more open with me now but it wasn’t pleasant to hear that your soulmate rejected you before even giving you a chance. Burying the bitter feeling, we continued our walk and conversation. As we got closer to the hospital, and her discharge, worry bubbled up in me at the thought of her pain tolerance. We have still yet figured out the limits and how severe it was. For all we know she could be stabbed and it could feel like pricking her finger… for now it’s best for her to be more vigilant in her daily life. My mind taunted me, egging on the thoughts that wanted to stay by her side but I swallowed the feeling down. I was her attending doctor and there are boundaries I cannot over step, soulmate or not.

“Teela, you’ll need to pay more attention to your surroundings than normal. We have yet to figure out how dulled your pain receptors are and a serious injury could feel like a mild wound.”

“I understand.”

“Even if you think it's minor you should make sure to let someone else know so they can check to make sure it isn’t bad.”

“You worry too much, Dr. Lee. I’ll follow your instructions.”

She smiled and my heart skipped a beat before there was a pang in my chest. Don’t get ahead of yourself Rowan, it’s a conditioned response. I forced a smile back and pushed down the feeling in my throat. I walked her to the lobby so she could finish her discharge papers and as I was about to leave a voice called out to her.

“Teela!”

“David?”

Turning back to look at her, her body had frozen in place and her grip tightened on the pen in her hand. My gaze followed hers to a man approaching with tousled hair and a charming smile. Looking at her once again, there was yet another pang in my chest. The past two weeks beside her as her soulmate did little to nothing but this man just shows up and she has more of a response than she had since coming here. More so than our spark… As the bitter taste grew in my mouth my body moved closer to her instinctively, gingerly brushing my hand against hers and as if a shockwave was sent through her, she snapped out of her trance-like state and her body seemed to relax.

“I thought Hailey was picking me up?”

“Something came up at work so she asked Gwen and well, you know how she is. How are you? I was surprised to hear from my sister that you were at the hospital. She even told me not to visit.”

“That’s cause Hailey knows I don’t like people seeing me sick,” she smiled and I knew it wasn’t genuine but I still wished she wouldn’t… at least not for him.

“Well I’ll leave you to finish your paperwork, I’ll see you at your next check up Teela.”

I needed to get away. This bitter feeling continued to build up and I couldn’t stop this unsettling feeling. It’s like my insides are turning and I felt sick so I rushed to the bathroom. After catching my breath I looked into the mirror only to be greeted with a pale figure staring back at me, drops of cold sweat on their brow. My mind was clouded and in an attempt to bring my rationality back I splashed cold water on my face with a sigh. For a split second I thought I had stabilized myself before I was hit with a sudden wave of nausea. There was a sickeningly sweet smell in the back of my throat which made whatever was forcing its way up all the more harder to swallow back down. I bolted into a stall but instead of the slick feeling of bile passing across my tongue, what passed through was something more velvety. The moment it spilled past my lips into the toilet I was dumbfounded. Orange petals.

“Fuck… you have got to be kidding me.”