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Electronic Mail

DELETE THEM ALL, THEY'RE EVIL!!!

By Lamar WigginsPublished 6 months ago Updated 6 months ago 4 min read
15
The truth is in there Dall-E

The following short fiction is for the latest in James and Oneg's summer writing challenge extravaganza. You’ve Got Mail! Challenge. Start a story/poem with the last line of an email or letter you recently received. Find all the details here.

I used the last line of the most recent email I recieved:

This is an advertisement. If you prefer not to receive future marketing from us, click here ➡️ UNSUBSCRIBE.

"That was yesterday. Today is the same. It happens every day and I... I just can't do it. I won't unsubscribe. I know what they are trying to do to me, but it's not going to work. It all started when... Doc, are you still listening... Hey, Doc!"

Ezra's Psychiatrist is dozing off. He's listened to this story a few times before. He is sick of it but as his doctor, he knows his job is to help.

"Yes, yes! Where were we? Oh yeah! Ezra, I don't know how to say this, but I can't help you if you don't listen. You're no different than me! Everyone receives junk mail and unless you unsubscribe, they will keep you hostage!"

"Hostage! I don't want to be a hostage!"

"No! not in the literal sense...Look, here's my phone, I'm going to open my email and... right here, this one. It's an ad for plumbing. I don't need my pipes fixed so I'm going to scroll down to the bottom and hit unsub-"

"No Doc noooooooooo!"

Ezra Jumps up from his chair to stop his doctor from hitting the unsubscribe button. It's very dramatic but not in time. The deed is done.

"What have you done doc? Are you trying to get yourself killed? Something bad is going to happen and it's all my fault!"

"Why do you think something bad is going to happen? The only thing bad is I should have done it sooner."

"I don't know...I just know! Look, promise me you will stay here tonight, in your office. Nothing bad can happen if you don't leave... Right?"

"Okay, Ezra. I'll stay here if you think I'll be safe."

The appointment ends. Ezra leaves the property, but not before letting the air out of all of Dr. Armani's tires. The doc never planned on staying at his office, he only told his client what he wanted to hear.

Upon noticing his tires were flat, he stands there shaking his head, knowing this was Ezra's doing. Uber is his savior.

He arrives home an hour late, throws dinner in the oven, then turns on the shower. The sound of his phone ringing in the bedroom grabs his attention. He retrieves it and sees that it's a robo call, so he turns the ringer off and goes back to the bathroom. Before he gets there, he notices he can no longer hear the water running. Weird, he thinks. Only drips are left falling from the shower head into the tub, but the knob is still in the on position. He touches the knob, his fingers sizzle and smoke before he has time to pull them away. Curse words quickly follows. His reaction was to get some cold water on his burned fingers. He turns around and grabs the sink handle, it breaks and water shoots into the air, hitting the ceiling. The shower head falls from the hanger and dangles while spraying scalding water everywhere. A geyser erupts from the toilet and begins flooding the floor. Dr. Armani goes to run and slips on a used bar of soap. It skids across the wet floor as his legs fly into the air. He hits the back of his head on the edge of the tub and is knocked unconscious.

***

Two weeks later Dr. Armani is still in a coma at St. John's Medical clinic. His family is baffled by what happened to him. They are looking to sue whoever is responsible for his plumbing disaster. All they have to go on is Ezra, one of his crazy clients who won't shut up about Dr. Armani resubscribing to an email he trashed a couple of weeks ago. He's not making any sense to anyone, which is kind of expected since crazy people generally talk about crazy stuff. Let me see you try explaining to someone that emails are haunted. Because they are... I was Ezra's last Psychiatrist. I didn't listen to him either. Now, I'm a ghost in the machine...

"You've Got Mail" Dall-E

*

*

Well, that was a weird one 😂. I blame Oneg and James for tagging me...Thank you, it was fun not knowing where I was going with this. Time to tag someone else.

Thank you for stopping by. 🤩

PsychologicalMicrofictionHumorHorror
15

About the Creator

Lamar Wiggins

Creative writer in the Northeast US who loves the paranormal, mystery, true crime, horror, humor, fantasy and poetry. Take a chance, you'll be thoroughly entertained.

"Life is Love Experienced" -LW

LDubs

Reader insights

Outstanding

Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

Top insights

  1. Compelling and original writing

    Creative use of language & vocab

  2. Easy to read and follow

    Well-structured & engaging content

  3. Excellent storytelling

    Original narrative & well developed characters

  1. On-point and relevant

    Writing reflected the title & theme

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Comments (11)

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  • Novel Allen6 months ago

    That darned unsubscribe buttons. Now I am not sure what to do. I do think I would like being a ghost in the machine. I have a few scores to settle.

  • Cathy holmes6 months ago

    Oh damn. Now I have to keep all those annoying subscriptions. 🤣

  • Veronica Coldiron6 months ago

    I feel so dark for loving this! LOL! I am definitely second-guessing the unsubscribe button on Vocal emails now. 😂🤣😅🤣 GREAT piece!

  • Naomi Gold6 months ago

    LOL… is it wrong that I found this hilarious? 😂 First, I was laughing at how dramatic the patient was being… screaming no and trying to trap Doc at the office. Then I envisioned the bathroom scene and couldn’t stop laughing at how messed up it was. All because he unsubscribed LOL.

  • Oh God, I love hitting unsubscribe! And now I'm paranoid, lol! This was such a creative take on the challenge!

  • River Joy6 months ago

    Weird and so cool. I want more mini episodes from this world. It kind of reminds me of Thrilling Adventure Hour (it was a podcast that did old timey radio shows, some of them were spooky) with the characterization.

  • Ruth Stewart6 months ago

    Ooooh creepy. I'll think twice before unsubscribing now! Well done.

  • This sounds like Em's worst nightmare, the kind of thing she's written about autobiographically before. I think I may be having flashbacks myself.

  • Tiffany Gordon 6 months ago

    Very creative! Well done Lamar!

  • J. S. Wade6 months ago

    Love it. What a crazy and zany but awesome story. If anyone unsubscribes me on Vocal I’m sending Wild Screaming Banshees to drive them insane. Way to let loose Lamar. 👏👏👏

  • Mother Combs6 months ago

    Weirdly awesome

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