Dysphoria part five

I went back home running all the things he had said to me in my mind. All his warmth, humor and affection was ripped from him and now he was a hollow shell, created “pure” for his cult.

I had to tell him the truth as much as it seemed to shock and anger him, that not only was his community a cult but that it’s brainwashing bullshit was breaking him. That it was a bad thing that was pushing it’s stupid and old fashioned ideals in a way that was dangerous and harsh.

But now I had to come up with a plan. A plan to find him and save him.

Yes, I loved him. He was my first friend and the first person I ever trusted to be open to and bear my soul to, and get truly get to know.

And he was right, I do feel like we create something warm like a hearth and perfect like a homemade stew.

Though I had a strong longing for him and a deep love, I knew his safety was more important. I asked around the city, especially around the more interesting parts of town where there were rumors of people that might’ve once been apart of the love cult.

I get why Shrignold joined this community. He had a tough upbringing and needed to find a way to control his circumstances and even his own trauma.

But, this wasn’t right. This wasn’t good for him. But, I wouldn’t force him to come with me, if only I could get him to see how truly bad it was, then he might agree to leave that group—-but still, I would not force him.

After about a day of searching (I had to call off my job) a strange tiger woman in a bowling alley downtown had slipped that she had a cousin join the cult somewhere over and under a rainbow.

“Where exactly would that be?”

“They don’t let outsiders in the premises, ya know,” she said in a spitting way, her eyes downcast, as she looked at her bowling bowl as though it were her worst enemy.

“What if I acted like I wanted to join?” I suggested and she laughed.

“They will ask how you know about it, you gotta know someone.”

I nodded. “I do,” I say lowly, and she perks up, her ears high in the air.

“It’s a personal quest. I see.” She places her hands on her hips, “You’ll need to go about twenty miles west off course of the Greenling woods and past Fenwick springs. You’ll see a impasse, and you’ll need to go into that cavern that has volcanic rock.”

I decided to write down the directions as my memory was horrible, then I went back home and got prepared. I got into my clothing and out on some plain clothes, a pair of black pants, a white band T shirt that looked faded, and a jacket. I put in sunglasses, and an old baseball cap.

Hopefully I wouldn’t look too much like my usual self.

I packed water, my phone, a camera, a flashlight and food.

I braced myself for a long journey and took course on foot.

It took forever, and my feet were hurting. My GPS stopped working once I got to the cavern with a double rainbow over it and I felt an uneasy sense of urgency to get far away from this place but I didn’t want to turn around now.

I took in a few anxious breaths, about ready to have a panic attack, but I settled down and took out my flashlight, turning it on as I went in.

I walked in the wet and damp smelling cave, hearing my footsteps step in puddles and I see with my tiny bit of light that there are jagged rocks hanging out from the ceiling and the bottom.

After about ten minutes of walking I see a strange blinding light and an opening. This is where it is, I feel it.

I go out into the entrance and see, once my eyes adjust to the luminous sun, a beautiful rainbow filled land.

I walk around and scope out the area, but not before marking out my surroundings and where my exit point will be.

I see lots of people and they are happy and wearing robes and dancing around a maypole.

I decide to ask a more detached looking member where Shrignold might be.

“Our dear leader is about to host a meeting!” He says, and runs off. “Best not be late!”

I nod, and look around, trying to remember how Shrignold described his house.

“It is shrouded in vines and flowered in lotus flowers and roses. It’s a beautiful little sunny villa.”

I look for the plant covered home and finally see something very similar.

I ready myself and go up to knock on the door.

No answer.

I knock again, louder. More persistent.

I hear a loud shuffle and the door opens slowly.

“Yeees? I’m very sorry but I’m terribly busy right now..” Shrignold says gently.

“Goldie…?” I say softly, and suddenly the door flies open and his smoky eyes widen in shock.

“Oh gosh! Oh Malcom! What in goodness gracious dear are you doing here?!” He whispers loudly, pulling me into his home strongly and closing the door behind us, locking it.

“I… I…” I stuttered, and he looked at me with big saucer eyes, and I bite my lip, wishing I could just kiss him.

“I missed you so damn much…” I say, and he shushes me.

“Don’t curse here, darling, it’s not allowed,” he says in a admonishing manner that still feels caring.

He looks around in a darting fashion and runs to his windows, closing all the curtains.

He checks the peephole and breaths unevenly, then takes in a deep breath. Suddenly, his eyes are all on me, and he pulls me into a soul crushing hug.

“Oh, I missed you, Warren.”

We embrace so tightly, it feels like we are one, and I sink into his musky male scent, drowning and melting.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

“Yes.” He looks at me and smiles, seeming to finally see my new clothes. “What a cute outfit. Cute glasses.”

I feel my face go warm, “Thank you. I didn’t want to get recognized.”

“You certainly don’t look like what you usually do. But, you look nice. However,” he leans and adjusts my glasses on my face and grins in a lopsided way making me blush harder. “You don’t look the part to be here. Lemme get you some lower caste robes.”

I nod and go to sit down, as he goes to his room.

He comes back with some light blue robe and hands it to me.

“Go ahead and change.”

I take it and go to what looks like a bathroom, hurriedly putting on the robe.

“So, how did you find me?” He asks, handing me what looks like a hot tea.

I sip it and say with a soft breath, “I did my research.”

He laughed. “All for little old me? Warren, you are too valuable to get yourself into this mess.”

“You are worth it. More than anything to me. And I’d even join this thing for you,” I blurt out, my face going too hot too fast. What was I thinking? I didn’t want to join this cult!!!

He laughs heartily, coming over to me to place a gentle arm around my shoulder.

“I wouldn’t expect that of you.”

I look down and sigh. “Goldie, they hurt you. They beat you. That isn’t right. Why don’t you come with me, come stay with me in my flat. Please?”

He frowns and shakes his head, going over to sit on his arm chair.

“I can’t just abandon my people, Warren, it’s not easy.”

“They aren’t your people.”

He makes a face that makes me think he is like fierce lion protecting his young. “No. But someone has to look after them. Lost, lonely, sad souls.”

“Not you though. You can be free with me.”

He sighs. “Why don’t you dance with me instead? And we can pretend for a few minutes everything is normal.”

I frown. “But it isn’t. It sucks.”

“Language, Warren!”

“Ughhhh…” I grumble, and he giggles, going over to a record player and putting on a record.

It starts playing an old sounding beat, and a long instrumental to start.

“It’s Cheek to Cheek by Fred Astaire,” he says with a wink.

He starts tapping his toes to the song perfectly, and though I’m upset, I can’t help myself and smile.

He does a flourish with his arms and twirls, and suddenly, I have an armful of Shrignold and he’s gently taking my cup of tea and placing it gracefully on the counter.

He is leading the dance, and I feel like I’m flying, which in a way I am as his wings pick us off the ground as he holds onto my waist and pulls me close to him.

And yes, like that corny song says, we’re cheek to cheek, our faces so close, I could die.

And for a few blissful moments, we pretend everything is okay, and we will be able to happy together like this forever.