Drowning my Sorrows

I couldn’t believe she was gone. After all I’d done for her, all the money and love I’d given her, all the indiscretions I’d forgiven because of her ‘compulsive personality disorder,’ she left me to go live in a homeless shelter so she could drink and do drugs with her new homeless boyfriend.

Never believe a women when she tells you she loves you.

Love is a lie only the weak believe. I was weak. I’d learn to be strong eventually, just not today.

“Another shot,” I said. The bartender filled my glass up with whisky.

“After this, could you drive me to the aquarium, Jim?” I asked my friend. I had warm childhood memories at the aquarium, bringing them back might make me happy.

“Sure buddy, anything you want. You’ll forget about Gertrude soon enough,” Jim said.

I guzzled down my drink.

“It’s never soon enough. In the meantime, one more round,” I said. The bartender again filled my glass.

“It’s a good thing I’m driving,” Jim said.

“G-G-Good thing,” I slurred. I finished drinking and Jim walked me to the car.

“Let’s go. To the a-ah-aquarium,” I ordered.

The aquarium was open late Fridays. We got tickets and went in. All eyes were on me as Jim kept trying to keep me from falling over.

“You sure you don’t want to go home and sleep this off. We can come back tomorrow,” Jim said.

“I-I’m sure,” I said. We walked over to the shark pool.

“I don’t s-s-see any sharks,” I said and leaned over.

“Don’t lean too…” Jim started to say and I fell in the pool. Jim reached his hand out.

“Alex, grab on,” He yelled. I ignored him. I could care less about life. Everything seemed hopeless. My life was in shambles. Everything seemed bleak and I was in despair. Why not let myself drown or get eaten by the sharks. I had no reason to live without Gertrud. She was my dream.

Jim started to take off his shirt to dive in, but somebody else jumped in the water first. The stranger dragged me out then used chest compressions to bring me back to life. The person breathed air down my throat and I coughed up water.

“Are you insane? Are you trying to drown yourself?” She asked. My eyes slowly came into focus and I was looking at the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. I didn’t think anyone could compete with Gertrud the heart destroyer, but there she was.

“Um, maybe I am,” I said. That was a stupid thing to say. Now she’s going to think I’m crazy.

“Sorry, my friends been having a really hard time. His ex just dumped him,” Jim said.

“Awe, I’m sorry to hear that. Tell him to call me when he sobers up,” she said.

“Really? He’ll be happy to hear that,” Jim said.

“Why not. He’s kind of cute. And he seems a little crazy. I like crazy. Let’s see if his phone still works,” She said and reached in his pocket for his phone.

“What’s your password, sir?” She asked.

“My name’s Alex. It’s 1112,” I said.

She programed in her number and handed the phone back to me.

“In case he forgets, remind him my numbers on his phone. Search your contacts. Sarah Gibbers. We can go out tomorrow night if he’s sober,” Sarah said.

“Thank you,” Jim said and picked me up.

“N-n-now we can go home,” I said.

“Oh damn, I wanted to stay so bad after everyone saw you fall in the shark tank. You sure you want to leave, buddy?” Jim asked.

“Y-y-yes. Very funny,” I said. With Jim’s help, I wrung out my clothes and we walked to his car. He drove me home and walked me inside. He even made sure I got into bed.

“Read me a story, Jim,” I whispered.

“Um, ok. There was this really drunk guy named Alex who guzzled down some beers and shots, then fell into a shark tank at an aquarium and was saved by a hot girl. Then he got her number. Makes me wish I jumped into a shark tank and almost drowned. Now he needs his rest. Goodnight,” Jim said.

“Thanks Jim,” I said. He left, slamming the door on his way out. I fell off.

I woke in the morning wondering if I’d really got Sarah’s number. I checked my phone. I typed in her name and her number popped up. I can’t believe she’s real. I called the number.

“Hello, Sarah speaking,” She said.

“Hi. Hey. Hello. Its Alex from last night,” I said nervously.

“Oh the guy that almost drowned. How are you,” Sarah asked.

“Alive, thanks to you,” I said.

“That’s great,” She chuckled.

“I’d like to take you up on your offer. Would you like to go to dinner tonight?” I asked.

“Sure, is seafood ok?” she asked.

“Awe, you’re funny. But sure,” I said.

“Alright, I’ll see you at six. My address is six five two Cherrybrook Lane,” She said.

“See you soon,” I said and hung up elated.

I drove too her place and arrived early. I knocked on the door and handed her roses I had bought on the way.

“Thanks, but I’m allergic to roses,” She said and sneezed.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I said, feeling deflated.

“I’m kidding. You’re very sweet,” She said.

“Oh, you’re funny. Ha-ha-ha. So where do you want to go for dinner,” I asked.

“Jumbo Carl’s seafood buffet,” She said.

“Oh, you were serious?” I asked.

“Yah, I love seafood,” Sarah said.

“But you work for an aquarium,” I said.

“So? Everything there loves seafood, too. What do you think the sharks, whales and Octopus eat?” Sarah asked.

“Fair point,” I said and shrugged.

“I’ll drive,” She said. We walked over to her cherry red Porsche.

“You drive a Boxster? You’re awesome,” I said and she smiled.

We got in and she sped to the restaurant, blowing through several stop signs on the way.

“What’s the hurry?” I asked.

“No hurry. I’m just hungry. What’s the point of driving a sports car if you’re not going to enjoy a little speed,” She said.

“Another fair point,” I said.

We got our tables at Jumbo Carl’s. When we went to the buffet she piled twice as much food on her plate as I did.

“Wow, you must really love seafood,” I said.

“Damn straight. And I’m having seconds, too,” She said. We sat down at our table and she pounded down a beer.

“Damn. That’s impressive,” I said.

“I know,” She said and burped. The people sitting next to us turned their heads.

“I’m in love,” I said.

“Glad to hear it. You’re pretty cool yourself,” She said.

We finished eating, paid the check and walked back to her car. I got in and she blasted dubstep.

“Wow that’s loud,” I said.

“What?” She asked and turned the music louder.

“I love it,” I said and started moving my head to the beat. She backed out quickly and sped off.

“Let’s go back to the aquarium,” She said.

“Alright,” I said.

She stepped on the gas. The car sped up. The car kept going faster and faster.

“Ok, don’t get me wrong, I love speed. But do you think we can slow down a little,” I asked. We blew a red light and the speedometer said we were going over one hundred miles per hour. My heart was racing.

“My hearts is pounding. Can we slow down just a little, please” I pleaded.

“Slow down, why? I’m like you, I just got over a bad relationship. I want to die, and apparently so do you. Isn’t that why you dove head first into the pool yesterday,” She said. Holy crap, she’s insane. I’d be pissed if I wasn’t so turned on right now.

“True, but I was drunk. Now I have you. We have each other. I want to live now, don’t you?” I asked.

“We’re taking down the aquarium. I’m running my car right through those gates, I’m running down each one of my coworkers. My ex-boyfriend works there too but I’m saving that asshole for last. Then I’m driving us straight into the shark tank,” she shouted. The speedometer now said one hundred and twenty seven. I was horrified and loving every second of it.

“HOLY SHIT YOU’RE INSANE,” I shouted.

“DAMN STRAIGHT,” she shouted back. This was insanity. I craved her more than I’ve craved any woman in my life. She was too damned perfect.

“Instead of driving into the shark tank, we should make love,” I said.

“Alright,” she replied.

Right before driving through the aquarium walls, she swerved and slammed on the breaks. The Porsche came to a screeching halt.

“You’re right, I do want to live now. Let’s have some fun in the trunk,” Sarah said.

“In the trunk? In the middle of a public parking lot? Are you sure?” I asked.

“Like hell I’m sure. Let’s go,” she said, grabbed my shirt and pulled me closer for a kiss.

“This is so hot. I didn’t realize I was an exhibitionist until now. I love you,” I said.

She popped open the trunk. We got undressed and started screwing while an entire crowd gathered and watched. They started cheering. Even the police officer seemed happy for us until he put us in handcuffs.

“Congratulations you two. You made love in public together, now you can go to jail together,” he said.

“Thanks for giving us time to finish, officer,” I said.

“Of course. I love making love, too. Just not in public. Get a room next time, you two,” He said.

“I can’t wait to do this again next week,” I said.

“Why wait ‘til next week, hun? I could move in with you tomorrow,” Sarah said.

“I think we have to get out of jail first. But as soon as I make bail, we’ll decide if we move into my house or yours,” I said and shrugged. She smiled.

We got dressed and were taken to jail. The next day we paid bail. Then we went back to her place to get some rest. I finally found my dream girl.

Copyright ©11/12/2022 by A.H. Mittelman. All rights reserved