The Shark Tank Cleaner

I didn’t like my job, but it paid well. Every day, I had to clean the waste from the tanks, but the shark tanks were the worst. They made the most waste, and it smelled like rotten meat. At least I had Shelia to help me.

I’d had a crush on her since I started working here, but was terrified to ask her out. She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever laid eyes on. She had long, wavy hair that danced in the wind, gorgeous blue eyes and the poise of a professional ice skater. I was a skinny, freckled nerd that knew too many facts about the sea creatures here. I didn’t stand a chance.

“Hi, Brad,” She said to me as I was scooping shark poop out of the tank. I melted.

“H-h-hi Shelia. How are you doing today?” I asked.

“I’m good,” She said and smiled. The sun glistened off her perfectly white teeth and I felt faint. I fell into the water and heard Shelia yell “Brad.” Shelia ran over and pulled me out.

“You have to be more careful, Brad. That’s the second time this week. The sharks might eat you,” She said.

“I know. I’m not trying to fall in,” I said.

“Just be more careful,” She said and playfully tapped me on the head.

I didn’t want to tell her this only happened when she smiled at me. I dried off and we finished cleaning the tanks and walked around the aquarium looking for other things to clean.

The day passed slowly and it was almost time to clock out. I was always the last one to leave because it was my job to clean out the shark waste at the end of the day. I hated doing this alone, but at least there were no distracting smiles.

I got the cleaning net and went back to the shark tank. I started scooping out the tank and putting the shark poop in a big pile near the edge.

I finished piling the waste and the lights went out.

“Hello, I’m still here. Can you turn the lights back on so I can dispose of the waste, please? I’d like to go home… tonight,” I shouted. I took a deep breath and hoped somebody heard me.

“Hello, is anybody there?” I shouted again. Nobody answered.

Maybe the fuse box was busted. Trying to make my way there to check in the dark would be difficult, but it was possible.

I took one step away from the shark pool and heard a loud whistling sound coming from the sky. I turned around and looked up. There was a meteor falling from the sky. It looked like it was heading right at me and I instinctively put my hands over my head. It splashed in the water, soaking my clothes. I looked in the pool to see where it had landed, and the water was glowing different colors.

“What the…” I mumbled. I leaned further and fell in. My leg hit the net, which hit the shark waste and knocked it on top of me. I swam to the surface and caught my breath. I looked at my shark waste covered arms.

“Gross,” I said and dipped them in the water in an attempt to remove the waste. I looked at my arms again and the waste was absorbing into my skin.

“What the hell?” I shouted. I swam out of the pool and the lights went back on.

“Hello,” I shouted, my voice echoing through the empty aquarium. I wrung the water out of my clothes and went to the aquariums storage equipment room. That’s where the nets were kept, but they also had scuba gear for the divers that checked the tanks for leaks, and towels. I grabbed a towel.

I clocked out and drove myself to the hospital.

“I need to see a doctor,” I said.

“Name,” she said.

“Brad Gimbal,” I said.

The nurse pointed me to the waiting area. After a short wait, a doctor led me to a private room. I explained what happened and he gave me an extensive physical and took a blood test.

“Good news, there’s nothing physically wrong with you other than slightly heightened testosterone levels. It’s possible you were hallucinating from stress. I’ll write you a prescription for Xanax. You can come back tomorrow if you’re still experiencing any unusual symptoms,” The doctor said.

“Thanks doc,” I said. I walked out of the room and down the hallway. My arms were feeling a little heavy so I looked at them. They had new muscles I didn’t have before I entered the hospital. I wondered if this could be a side effect of the elevated testosterone.

I continued my walk down the hall and smelled a remarkable scent. I turned my head and saw someone with a large gash and blood dripping down the side, which stimulated my appetite. I had the sudden urge for fish. I stopped at a sushi restaurant before going home and ordered every roll on the menu. I was still hungry when the check came, but I knew if I ordered anymore my credit card would be declined. I paid and left.

On my way to my car, I heard a woman screaming. I’d usually ignore cries for help, but was feeling brave tonight. I turned and noticed a man snatching a woman’s purse.

“Someone, help,” she shouted.

“I’ll help you,” I said, my voice sounding deeper than before. I ran after the man faster then I’d ever ran in my life. Where was this speed coming from? Someone started to record me with their cell phone as I tackled the man to the ground. I grabbed the purse out of his hands and told him to get out of here.

“And don’t come back,” I said as he was running.

“Thank you sir,” the woman said. I gave her the purse and she gave me a kiss on the cheek before walking off. I blushed.

I drove home and turned on the news.

“A man saved a lady from a mugger tonight,” a reporter said and played the cell phone footage of me. I hoped Shelia saw this and was impressed.

I drank several tall glasses of water before going to bed. I couldn’t sleep, I had the urge to take a bath. I walked to my tub, filled it with water and got in.

“That’s better,” I said and laid back. I dozed off, and when I woke I was still in the tub. I heard my alarm buzzing from my room and it hurt my ears. I ran out of the tub, almost slipping, and shut the alarm off.

I went back to the bathroom to dry off and looked in the mirror.

“Are those… gills on my neck,” I asked myself and touched them. I got back in the tub, held my breath and put my head underwater. I could breathe underwater, this was very bizarre. And awesome.

I drove to work, eager to see Shelia. I parked my car, clocked in and ran to the tank. She saw me first.

“Hey Brad,” Shelia said.

“Hey, Shelia,” I said, feeling confident.

“I saw you in the news last night. Very impressive,” She said.

“I’m glad you were impressed. We should grab coffee sometime. Maybe tonight,” I said.

“Sure, Shark Man,” She said.

“Shark man, I like that,” I said.

“You’re a super hero now. You need a cool nick name,” she said.

“I guess I am,” I replied.

“I’ll make you a suit. I always wanted to make a super hero suit,” She said.

“Thanks, Shelia,” I said and put my arm around her, hoping she’d reciprocate. She did. I smiled. We spent the rest of the work day cleaning the tanks, then went to coffee. After coffee, she watched me fight some more muggers and stop a bank robbery.

And that’s how I became Shark Man.

Copyright ©11/11/2022 by A.H. Mittelman. All rights reserved.