Dreams

She felt like she had tried everything. She just could not figure out how to get the financial independence she had always assumed she would have. She always felt it would happen if she tried hard enough. She assumed her friends would help her. She had been told not to make any assumptions, but she helped her friend why would they not help her in return? Even though she was one year away from retirement she did not like the idea of being dependent on the government. She cringed every time she talked about the social security check. And when her friends told her to get food stamps, her heart cried. But she was starting to give up.

Lately, she had been thinking about the Greek Fates. She was wondering if maybe there was no self -determination. Maybe her fate had already been decided. At church, she started a conversation about self -determination. One person said that God planned everything, that the minute you were born God knew your fate. The minister said that most Christen churches did not believe that. That when people said that it was God's plan it did not mean that. She felt each person had a life plan but that as your life went on God changed the plan. But she felt like she was fighting against God's plan, in an attempt to earn her own self-respect. And now that she had reached retirement age, the options to achieve her dreams had decreased.

After the conversation at church, she finally felt able to breathe. She had for months wondered if she had control of her own fate, but had been shy about discussing it. Would people think she was nuts? Most people in today's society believed in the American Dream and self-determination. She had always believed that in the USA, all you needed was hard work to achieve your dreams. Was she originally right or did the Greeks have it right? Did God or the Fates control your life?

When she got home from church she turned on the football game and did three drawings. She just didn't know how much willpower she had. But she was going to try again. Yesterday she had been unable to sign on to one of her merchandise web pages. She was almost in tears when the page said "Reset your password" And then to make it worse, it said that her email address was invalid. but today both the reset password and email address were working She wondered if the conversation at church had helped. Was she now controlling her fate? Or was God reworking his plan for her?

She said a prayer She prayed to God asking to have her life plan revised. She prayed not to have today be just a period of rest in her path of disaster. She still felt stressed, even after the prayer. She still felt hungry even after her meal. Her body shook in the situation she had created, or not fought hard enough to prevent.

She was thinking maybe she should change focus and go out for a drink with friends. The article she had read today, said to take care of yourself ahead of your business. She called a friend who she knew liked to go out to eat and drink. No response. She dismissed the idea. She did not want to drink by herself. Alcoholics drink alone She knew she would only have one drink, but still, she did not like the idea of solo drinking.

All of a sudden her phone rang. It was a female friend, not one who would go drinking, but they talked about Fate. Her friend said she did believe that God had a plan for everybody. It was not in stone, people still had some self-determination. She thought maybe her friend had called to provide her with an answer to her question. Of course. she would never really know if it had been a poor job of her planning or God's plan.