Do You Want To See My Snake?

Jerome was hired initially as an educator / demonstrator at the science museum in Twin Falls. He learned the scripts and protocols of a number of different science shows and soon, was able to present all of them flawlessly and creatively to any audience of any age. His favorite demonstration was the Cryogenics Show. He loved teasing the little kids with great anticipation, for the instant before they exploded onto his stage in their infantile efforts to wrap themselves in the billowing clouds of nitrogen gas that filled the air when he poured a liter of liquid nitrogen into an open tub of boiling water. He indulged in the thrill of making the thinning white hairs of some elderly man or woman, stand at attention while they slapped their hand on the static ball of the Van de Graaff electrostatic generator. He enjoyed his time “on the exhibit floor”, chatting science with visitors as they circulated and marveled at all of the kiosks and play areas put there for their amusement.

Eventually, Jerome’s ambitions turned from demonstrating science to facilitating science. He applied for higher-paid positions at the museum and, was indeed, promoted to the role of Programming Director. His friend and colleague Rosario, whom had actually interviewed Jerome at the beginning of his tenure at the museum, had now become one of Jerome’s understudies. Jerome would have an office, with his own private telephone and business computer. He was able to get the Administrative Assistant to type letters for him onto company letterhead. He was a member of the team which held meetings to discuss the future programming directions of the museum. His daily wardrobe had changed from a checkered shirt, blue jeans and a white lab coat, to a suit and tie with leather shoes instead of sneakers. He didn’t forget his beginnings with the museum though, and he didn’t forget the friends that he had worked beside daily in those early days. He knew how valuable they were and how good they were at what they did.

One of his new jobs was to scan the horizon for contemporary and exciting traveling exhibits and then evaluate them as possibilities for display in the Twin Falls Museum. Dinosaurs and Space Shuttles and Action Figures and Sporting Events were only some of the shows that he looked at, and bid on, during his reign as Programming Director. He once filled the floor of the Science Museum with animated replicas of the beasts found in the jungles of a tropical rainforest. The adjoining IMAX theatre was also previewing the film, “Tropical Rainforest”, narrated by Meryl Streep, at the same time. The museum and the theatre took on a wonderful rainforest vibe for a period of about two months – a vibe that was quite dissimilar to the cold and wintery vibe made possible by the snow and sub-zero temperatures outside of the building. The tropical environment inside, grew from nothing and reached its apex at about the time of the Grand Opening of the exhibit and the IMAX film. Much preparation by Jerome, and indeed everyone at the museum, had gone into making this a first-class show. Jerome had even written a letter to Ms. Meryl Streep, inviting her to attend the Grand Opening, but in the end it was not possible for her to be there on the dates arranged. Jerome looked long and hard for some featured attraction that would perhaps take the place of Meryl Streep doing a guest appearance for the big Gala evening.

On the Wednesday just prior to the weekend opening of the Tropical Rainforest shows, Jerome got a rather serendipitous call from a conservation officer in a medium-sized town about an hour away from Twin Falls. Apparently, the officer had pulled into a parking space at the local mall when he noticed something rather peculiar on the dashboard of the van beside him. It was an eleven-foot Burmese Python snake, sunning itself in the warmth of the rays coming into the front window of the van. Even though Burmese Pythons are non-poisonous, constrictor-type snakes, possessing such an animal was still illegal. The conservation officer waited in his car, beside the van, until the owner came out of the mall. When the driver of the van showed up, the officer jumped out and informed him of his rights and of the illegalities of holding captive such a snake. As it turned out, the owner would be allowed to keep the python at his residence until such a time when the conservation office personnel could find a suitable domicile for it. Luckily for the Science Museum, the first call made by the officer was to Jerome. When Jerome was told the story and asked if the Science Centre would be able to find a way to house the creature, his visual image of Meryl Streep was instantly transformed into that of a writhing eleven-foot Burmese Python. His response was, “Yes”, of course.

In order to have the snake at the Science Museum / IMAX Theatre in time for the Opening Night Gala, it was necessary for Jerome to make the one-hour trip out of town to pick it up himself. “No problem,” he thought and he made the arrangements at work to do just that. When he visualized the image of Meryl Streep, he was quite able to put her relative size and shape into the proper dimensional perspective. But, as he had never seen a live Burmese Python before, he was not quite as adept at concocting such an accurate depiction of the snake. Subsequently, the mode of transport he brought along for carrying the snake back, was a medium-sized aero-kennel used for canine travel. This under-sight brought about some great consternation later in the day, as will be illustrated later on. After about an hour and twenty minutes of driving, he arrived at the home of the soon-to-be previous care-giver of the snake. The fellow invited Jerome into his home and lead him into the living room. Around every corner, Jerome expected to see a cage holding a tropical looking snake. There were no such cages anywhere.

The next words out of his host’s mouth were slightly unnerving, “The big guy should be around here somewhere. I just saw him a minute ago.”

Jerome quickly deduced that perhaps the snake was NOT in a cage. His glances about the room became more frequent and more deliberate with that very notion. While continuing to search for the Python, Jerome could not help but notice an air of grumpiness and stand-offishness in his host. Feeling that he had neither been the cause of putting the snake in the wrong place at the wrong time, nor the reason why the snake had to be confiscated, Jerome hoped, no, make that prayed, that these negative feelings, thoughts and vibes were not being somehow passed telepathically to the snake. This whole thing wasn’t his fault. He was just trying to help. The last thing he needed was a pissed-off Burmese Python in the car with him as he drove back to Twin Falls. He tried to console the owner with a few lines about how his animal would be looked after well at the Science Museum and that lots of people would now get the chance to visit, and possibly touch or hold a real live tropical snake - what a valuable contribution he was making, blah, blah, blah. At that moment, the skirting of the sofa ruffled up and outward. A second later, a large reptilian head emerged from under the couch.

“There you are, you big old sausage,” laughed the snake man.

The python continued to crawl from beneath the sofa and for the next 30 or 40 seconds, it continued to continue making its way from this hide-a-way to the center of the living room carpet. When all was said and done, eleven feet of pythonian mass had made its way into full view. The site was surreal and unbelievable.

“You want to pick him up?” asked the owner.

That thought had never really crossed Jerome’s mind, but when he did think about it for a second or two, he reckoned that at some point he would certainly have to do something like that in order to get his new pet into the carrying cage for transport back to Twin Falls.

“The carrying cage,” he thought, “Oh yeah, the carrying cage – that might just be a tad small to actually hold this guy.”

He mentioned and showed the cage to the snake man and he agreed that it might take some pushing and shoving on their parts and stellar cooperation on the part of the snake to actually fit his 3-meter body into a cage that size.

“We can try it, if you like, but I don’t think it’ll work. It might just make him mad,” he went on.

Again, not really wanting that, Jerome was soon convinced that it would be better to just let the snake travel loose in the back seat of his car for the trip back to the museum. He did ask about putting him in the trunk of the car for the hour ride but the owner didn’t really like that idea and said that it might be possible for the big guy to find an opening that he could get stuck in, or if the exhaust system of the car was faulty, he might be dead by the time Jerome got back to the city. So, in the end, Jerome carried the snake around the house for awhile to get used to him, and vice versa I suppose and, then he unwound him into the back seat of his 1997 Ford Taurus, and drove away.

For the first few miles of the trip, the python did not move around too much but after about half an hour, the elongated reptile became somewhat restless and lifted his broad, thick head up from the rear seat of the car and peered into the front from a vantage point between the passenger head rest and the top of the front bench. There was enough space for the snake to continue crawling, until he had made his way completely into the passenger seat beside an anxious and watchful Jerome. As the snake investigated the various parts of the console, the instrument panel, the sun visor and the steering column, it was clearly evident that his next move would be to cuddle-up alongside of, or possibly around, the warm body of the driver. While all of this was taking place, Jerome’s attention was diverted understandably to the wanderings of his new pal and not to the speed at which he was driving. This may be the reason why his next glance into the rear-view mirror produced an image of blue and red flashing lights on the roadway behind him. He slowed the vehicle and pulled over to the shoulder at the next convenient opportunity. Two police officers emerged from the patrol car behind him and approached Jerome’s car on both the right and left side of the vehicle. The officer on Jerome’s side knocked his fingers on the glass in the driver’s side window. Jerome rolled it down about a hand width, so as not to allow room for his new friend to escape.

Before the officer had a chance to remark or say anything, Jerome peered up at him through the opening and asked, “Do you want to see my snake?”

The response which that simple statement evoked was quite startling. Both officers simultaneously pulled and leveled their sidearms at Jerome from either side of the car.

“Put both of your hands on the steering wheel where we can see them,” was the first command.

No sooner had this directive left the mouth of officer #1, when officer #2 lurched back from the passenger side window and hollered, “What the hell? He wasn’t kidding . . .”

At the same instant, the python’s burly head made its way out of the opening at the top of Jerome’s window frame. The snake’s little forked tongue licked at the crisp late-winter air, no doubt tasting the aroma of officer #1’s aftershave. Officer #2 sprinted around the front of the car and joined his partner at Jerome’s window. They put their guns away slowly and maintained some distance from the side of the car. Both were dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, “Is there anything we can do for you in there?”

Now, this was just the type of open-ended question an improvisational sort of performer like Jerome enjoyed hearing. Because of his actor’s training and stage performing duties at school and now at the science museum, he was quick with his thinking and his wit. His eyes twinkled and he rolled down the window a little further. The snake’s head danced in and out of the opening.

Jerome looked up at the officers with a look of well-acted distress and consternation and stated, “I was just driving along and minding my own business, and then, all of a sudden, this snake appears out of nowhere. I didn't know where it came from and I didn’t know what to do. I was afraid to stop and get out because I thought it might bite me or strangle me if I slowed down. I don’t know if it’s poisonous or not. I can’t get out now because his body is wrapped around my arm and I can’t really move.”

“Do you want us to pull it off of you?” asked officer #2 excitedly.

And, this is where Jerome’s acting skills really kicked in. “No,” he answered, “I think it would be best if I just drove to the Science Museum in Twin Falls and dropped the snake off there and let them deal with it for now. They may even take it permanently and look after it.”

Both officers agreed, “We’ll give you an escort. Follow us. We’ll keep the lights flashing so that other drivers will move over.”

They both ran back to the patrol car, hopped in and pulled out and around Jerome’s car. They sped off in the direction of Twin Falls with the siren blaring and lights flashing and with Jerome in hot pursuit. On the ride in, Jerome contacted his co-workers at the Museum and told them the entire story. They all agreed to act surprised by the fact that they would now be providing a new home for an 11-foot Burmese Python. The escort worked, as did the exchange. Jerome was required to answer a couple of questions and sign a document or two for the officers and then, they were off. Job done.

Two evenings later, the Grand Opening for Tropical Rainforest went off without a hitch and the new Burmese Python – “Stretch” – was the star of the show. Even Meryl Streep would not have been able to garner the same attention and accolades that Stretch was able to capture. Jerome, of course, was the keeper of the snake. He walked around the lobby of the IMAX Theatre with the massive animal draped about his shoulders. Men and women stepped aside as he made his way through the crowd. Some shrieked. Cool and awesome teenagers with hats on sideways and trousers hanging loose and low on their hips, became much less cool and far less awesome when they spotted the uncaged animal. Small children wanted to touch the snake. Some visitors in the crowd were even allowed to lie on the floor and let Stretch crawl over them - much to the delight of all in attendance.

It was then that two familiar characters made their way into the lobby through the front doors.

Jerome walked toward them and on greeting the two, he asked, “Do you want to see my snake?”

The Burmese Python’s little forked tongue licked at the air in the crowded theatre lobby, no doubt tasting the aroma of officer #1’s aftershave.