Different Circles

A guy and his psychiatrist talk about his breakup.

"I don't get it, Doc. I did everything she asked me to. There wasn't a time when I stepped out on her. Not once. I understand that a relationship is more than that but I imagine like this kind of … passionate breakup is the result of someone sleeping around."

"David, you're starting to spiral. I know you well enough by now."

"Sorry, Doctor Carlson."

"Please, continue." She gestured for him to keep talking.

David took a deep breath in, held it for a few seconds, let it out, and continued.

"I'll start from the beginning: We met in the 6th grade. She transferred from a neighboring school close to mine. Something about being in this school's district now that they were a few streets over from their old house. Honestly, I never understood that but I digress. I was talking to my friend sitting behind me when the teacher called for the class' attention. Mrs. Albertson and Rachel were standing at the front of the class in front of the windows.

It was a particularly gloomy day up till that point. I remember the next moments going in slow motion somehow. I turned around to face forward and I saw her. She must have been looking to her right, my left, because she was now looking to her left, my right, and her long brown hair was trailing behind her pointing to the right. Maybe she just tossed her hair to that side, I'm not sure. As this was happening, the sun was just coming out from behind it's cloud doors. Rachel looked like an angel that just descended the stairway from Heaven to the Earthly plane. Immediately there were butterflies in my stomach. First time I was in love, last time too."

"You don't know that, David. Your life hasn't come to an end." Dr. Carlson pointed out.

"True." David agreed.

"Also, cloud doors?"

"My own little spin on things. Never heard them described like that before, have you, Doc?" David seemed pleased with himself.

"Can't say that I have, no." Doctor Carlson said, slightly perturbed.

"We started talking and got to know each other. Although, for me, it was less talking and more fumbling to find the words. A little before our winter break, we decided to be more than friends. I was ecstatic. The world seemed so much brighter from then on.

We were together since then. For more than half my academic career, we were an item. Other classmates joked about finding their "Rachel" or their "David"; that's how much our love made an impact on everyone else."

"So, you felt whole once you two started your relationship?"

"No - Yes - No."

"Which is it, David?"

"What I am trying to say is that I was whole before I met her. But since meeting her and becoming more than friends, I felt …. How can I put it?" He thought for a minute. "Imagine you are you; whole. Suddenly, you grow a tail or a third arm."

"Whoa." Doctor Carlson joked.

"You get used to having a tail or a third arm. You spend all your time attached to it. Then, one day, the tail or arm is … gone. No one cut it off, you didn't have an accident and lose it or anything like that. Just one day, it stops existing."

"Or maybe it stops existing in the way you knew it to exist."

"What do you mean, Doc?" he said, confused.

"You are thinking about Rachel as an extension of you, hence the tail or arm. However, the tail or arm existed before you. Rachel was a living, breathing person before you met her, right?"

"Yes."

"Therefore, she was her own person before you two even knew about each other. The tail, in your metaphor, was existing on it's own before you two were aware of the other. Now that you two are apart, does the other no longer exist? Are you her tail? Was she your arm? No. Your example is flawed, but I understand what you are getting at. Neither person needed the other before the relationship and neither are needed for the other to go on, yes?"

David had a blank expression on his face. "Yes, I believe so."

"Do you feel like you can exist without her, David?"

"Yes, Dr. Carlson. I feel … whole."

"Good." Doctor Carlson smiled.

"I just feel less happy."

"Not good." Doctor Carlson frowned.

"It's not that I don't feel whole. I know a piece of me isn't missing. I just don't feel as happy as I did, either before I knew her or while we were together. Nothing feels the same anymore. We know the same people, we go to the same places, we work at the same company. It just feels like we don't run in the same circles. For whatever the reason may be, we just don't see each other and I don't mean in the relationship way. We don't run into each other when we get coffee in the morning, we don't see each other when we hang out with friends, we don't see each other when we're at work. I stopped by her desk every day last week at different times and she wasn't there every time. We've been broken up for a month now and things haven't gotten back to normal yet. I keep waiting for things to get back to normal and I keep getting disappointed when they don't magically get fixed."

"Things aren't going to go back to normal. What you knew as normal is no longer what can be. You knew the "Being-With-Rachel" normal. You now need to get to know the "David-Being-On-His-Own-For-A-While" normal. Does that make sense?"

"Unfortunately, it does."

"Also, you might not see each other anywhere anymore. Perhaps she wanted a fresh start and moved somewhere else. Have you asked any of your friends if she moved? Did you check with any of your co-workers?"

David took a few seconds. "Come to think of it, no, I haven't asked any-"

"It's probably best if you haven't asked around about her. You don't want to be one of those stalker types that get a Dateline episode showcasing them."

"Okay."

"You will feel happy again, David. But that will take time. Being in a serious relationship for that long will be hard to move on from, but it isn't impossible. It will get better if you work towards it. Things will not magically be fixed simply because. We've been having these sessions three times a week, for three and a half weeks now. I know a lot about you. I know that you didn't do something wrong such as sleeping around; I know that she didn't sleep around. You two loved each other deeply. I think that you two either grew apart or perhaps one grew tired of the other. If you were the only lover that either knew, then both possibilities are likely. My condolences on the relationship. My congratulations on you getting to reacquaint yourself with yourself. Once you rediscover who you are or who you are now, you will be able to find love again."

"Thanks, Doctor Carlson." David stands. "I think I'll be fine … if only until our next session. Hopefully, I'll soon just be fine."

"We'll work towards that, David, together." Doctor Carlson now stands and watches David leave.

ONE HOUR LATER

"Doctor Carlson, your next patient is here."

"Thanks, Joyce. You can send them in."

A woman walks into the room.

"Hello, Doctor Carlson."

"Hello Rachel. How have you been?"

"Just fine, doctor."

"Still missing David?"

"Not as much as before, but it still hurts nonetheless."