Die Schachspieler

Michael woke up in the middle of the night with cold sweats once again. Like every other night for the past months, he swung his hand over to the other side of the neatly made bed. Slowly regaining wakefulness, he then remembered abruptly that his wife was no longer there, and neither were the kids in the other rooms. After losing custody over a heated divorce which stemmed from a dysfunctional marriage of twenty-three years, it seemed to leave a pit in the middle of his chest continuously.

There seemed to be a single thought that lingered in the back of his mind. Even Michael knew that, that voice wasn’t from his higher power whispering secrets of hidden wisdom. That a single man on the face of this planet wasn’t meant to continue with life alone. He wasn’t supposed to look in the mirror and tell himself that life had no purpose. That’s what that was. Purpose. Without love or some sort of companionship there seemed to be no purpose for love cam in many forms. Nevertheless, he relaxed his tense damp wet body, and looked up at the ceiling. Feeling defeated in the moment he became distraught of the lonely feeling and gave out a quick whimper. Then silence as he squeezed his eyes tightly till they fell loosely. Michael then drifted off to bed once again to a life he wished to carry on but a different narrative. Suppose it was much more peaceful than the reality he was currently living in… even if it wasn’t real and was just for the moment.

As morning came Michael arose in a groggy manner. Still tired and drained from the days before. Even though the house stood quiet he continued his daily routine getting ready. Brushing one’s teeth, putting on a gray V neck T-shirt, followed by keys for his family’s Café in which they owned. Before he exited out the front door he paused. Slightly turning his head, reminiscing the years before where his children would come up from behind to give him a hug goodbye followed by the wife with a kiss on the cheek. How the times has changed he thought. He kept that memory close with him instead and pictured as if he relived those moments. Moments he took for granted.

After closing the door behind him he took a glance in the mailbox which was right by the door and noticed several envelopes. He disregarded them all because he was fully aware what they meant but did not have the heart to come to grips with how hard life was coming down on him. Inhaling deeply, he continued to his SUV and drove off.

In the duration of the morning and drive to the Café, Michael did not say a single word to himself or to his higher power. It was all the same thoughts circulating in his head. In a daydream Michael jumped up in sudden panic. The light was green and the vehicles ahead well ahead. He glanced in his rear-view mirror and noticed the man behind him threw his hands up with frustration. Michael gritted his teeth and tightened his grasp on the steering wheel but eased up because he knew he was in the wrong.

Upon pulling up Michael looked up to the sign that displayed “Arttay Café”. It was family owned and ran, but knowing the circumstances he was the only one running it at this point. Unlocking the door, he looked over to the sign that said, “Help Wanted”. A reminder that it’s been up there for weeks and knowing this small town of seventeen thousand residents, he thought he would’ve had a bite at least.

Michael went through the procedures of opening and getting coffee made and the pastries by hand. Putting a few out there for starters. Prepping the meats and condiments for sandwiches. He then started re stocking. Through out the morning and just before noon he had a few people come in and go. Some other local folks who sat at the tables with headphones in, working away at their own. Some typing away on their laptops. Most likely writing the next best seller. Maybe someday I would be able to display it on my dusty bookshelf in which no one hardly looks at, he thought. Barb Marie soon wobbled in slowly. One of the elderly regulars who would come in for her afternoon coffee. She would come in nearly everyday and sit at the same table and wait for the rest of her lifelong friends who also never left this town. Michael thought to himself that it was quite nice to see that some friendships never die old. They chatted and laughed as if nothing ever changed. There was still hope that he would be able to figure out his own and come up with something to bring himself back to before, like nothing changed at all. Things did change a lot though. He used to have his wife standing with him by his side, greeting and interacting with the consumers. A place where it was nothing but smiles and laughter but that all withered away as time went on as if Michael gave up, feeling defeated that it just wasn’t worth it anymore.

“Well, Hello there dear?” Barb said happily.

“Hello back to you too miss, good to see you once again.” Michael responded with a smile that quickly dropped. He punched in the buttons that quietly made a beeping noise. “The usual of course and just your luck I have a fresh pot just coming up.”

“That’s good to hear dear.” Barb said with a smile. “So how has the family been? Been a good while since I seen them.”

“Oh, you know… a good time away from the business and in good hands with her mom and dads.” Michael said, trying to downplay the truth.

“That’s good to hear. Let me tell you something. Family is one of the corner stones of life. It’s what makes life easier and far more enjoyable. After Robert passing it was our children that helped the most.” She went on to explain, further guilt tripping Michael. Reinforcing the thought that not only did he fail as a husband, but he also failed as a father. Ever since the divorce he lost all contact with them but managed to keep his composure the best he can.

“Thank you for that Barb, I’ll defiantly keep that in mind, and I’ll make sure to pass the message onto the wife.” Michael smiled then dropped, knowing that his ex-wife will never know that message and neither will his children.

Barb was served her coffee and then wobbled her way slowly to her usual spot in the Café. Soon after her friends ordered, they all did the same. With the business carrying on as it did, the café died down and so did the evening. Nothing special to it. it was becoming more and more mundane as the days trickled on through. Living the same with no change and no word from his children or ex-wife.

As the last moments of the evening came to its close, Michael did the same. Tired as he counted the funds of the day. His lips moved with no words as he counted today’s earnings. He stopped and a look of disappointment and loss was wiped over his face as he realized he will come close to what’s needed for the lease and for the product. Barely any profit is made and that will, once again, take a toll on his mortgage for the house.

Michael slumped further into his seat, with his hands over his face. He screamed out loud into his hands then slapped his hands down onto his lap. With a sigh while adjusting his eyes, he scanned around the room and then said OK.

All the lights were off at that point and before he was able to exit the door he stopped and looked back, once again scanning the café. Thinking this is where he would be with his family as they sluggishly walk out ready for a real meal and then some relaxing time before bed, then school once again. Even the wife would’ve been looking overall, then it was close. Instead, Michael looked over the memories and how the wife and Michael brought this dream up from the rubble through all odds. Michael was losing more and more hope as he stepped out of that door. Taking a glance at the “Help Wanted” poster, he ripped it down in a sign of defeat, and if there was a time, he thought, to close shop, now is the time before he took anymore damage financially.

Michael rode back home as usual with less traffic. As usual he had the same feeling of defeat that life really meant nothing no more and that everything he was doing was just to scrape by to keep things afloat. He was slowly losing more and more of himself and all that he has built with his past family. Tears ran down his cheeks and weren’t wiped away because he thought he deserved every bit of that pain that came his way. He felt like he was at checkmate and was ready to surrender his own king for the sake of the pain that was to follow. Deep down thinking that he had no more moves left and it was just a matter of time till the end of the war was coming to an end. Michael sped up the vehicle in a rage. Sick of life and sick of everything that came to be. Dotting his eyes to every passing pole. Telling himself to just pick one and close your eyes, and let the rest just happen. Just let it happen so there is no more pain in this world, no more loss, no more problems that shouldn’t even be a problem.

Michael closed his eyes and the vehicle slowly drifted off to the right and a sudden jolt struck him to his core. He then opened them and sighed a relief because there was a moment of not wanting to give up. If he was at a standstill then there is no such thing as losing it all, but little did he know that, that standstill will soon run out and life would end. Michael then slowed down and took the next right into the liquor store parking lot.

It was midnight with the music blasting. Home alone and free to do whatever he pleased. Shouting at the top of his lungs, yelling out profanities. Thinking for a moment that this was just a test, and everything will come back to normal. Excitement filled his world for the freedom but of course that was the spirits coming out. Acting for him. Numerous times through out the night he felt as if it was his ex-wife’s fault. Only if she had stayed and worked things out and tried to fight for the years they have had. If only he knew what he can do to make things better then he would. What does she know? Michael thought to himself. Anger ingulfing him; mad at the world and mad at everything else while looking over his own wrongdoing. Then moments later came and Michael was pleading with his higher power, sadness overlapping the upbeat tone of the music. Sobbing, spilling his second bottle of whiskey onto the carpet, he curled up holding himself. Wishing that soon he would wake up from the nightmare he thought he was in. but little did he know… the only reality he thought he lived in was when he dreamt. Not the one he lived.

The morning came and the light was shining behind the blinds, well high. Michael slowly arose, groggier then ever and slowly crawled over to his phone. the time read two pm. At that moment he did not care one bit to open the café and went back to bed laying on the carpet. Back to a dreamless sleep with worries for what was around him. Blackout. Once Michael was up again it was late evening. The same process occurred because he never drank in his life and whiskey straight hit him harder than he thought. He tried to get up and managed to but stumbled till he hit his forehead on the drywall. Putting a dent into it. He felt the numbing pain of a gash on his eyebrow. He then wobbled towards the bathroom, feeling like Barb Marie would but this wobble was different. He patted the cut till he was certain it wouldn’t bleed anymore.

Time passed on and it was the same thing. Night over night with himself letting go. Giving up for he thought he was at checkmate, and just as long he stands still and not take his next move, life cannot take its next move. Little did Michael know that it wasn’t taking a move that would be against him… it would be time that never takes a second off.

Michael then found himself at the interstate bridge. Looking over the passing vehicles that were just as fast as that lapping second of time. Thinking. He thought “what if? just a thought, no harm done in that. I have nothing else. I have no job, no money to pay my expenses, I don’t have a family, I don’t have my vehicle. Those things… those bloody things! They can take away when I don’t meet standards. They can repo, they can cancel the lease, they can seize the house. So why think I own any of that if that’s what they can do? Why am I here if I’ going to be a failure to my children and my ex-wife if I’m going to let everything go.” Michael said to himself in that moment with conviction and hate for his way. Then in that moment came to him suddenly and sharp.

“Jump.”

Michael was baffled and stunned that it did not come from but even he knew that it wasn’t from him, but it sounded so enticing that he can feel the urge of wanting to because it felt so right.

“Don’t”

There was no jolt neither a push, rather than a choice. It was an ease in tone and soft and accepting as can be. it was something that He was needing to hear for it was loving as those words seemed to hug him with love in that moment. Michael came to his senses and realized he was over the ledge of the bridge and ambulance; firefighters and police officers were right behind him. A police officer with three others behind him stood there trying to convince Michael to come back. A sudden realization made Michael jump in panic, nearly slipping off the edge. The officer leaped and caught Michael, while reassuring everything is fine. Pulling him over to safety. Michael cried till both EMT’s, and officers escorted him to the ambulance and took him away for further evaluation.

3 months after

“So, Michael Arttay… I understand that this is our last day. It’s been a very good journey. Let me know what you think about all we went through.”

Michael paused and dotted his eyes in deep thought, then he muttered and stuttered his words trying to find.

“We…well. It hurts still of course. It hurts that I’ll never see them. But I came to terms with, and I think… I think that. Uhm, well I think sometimes it’s going to hurt… it’s going to leave a scar and you look back on and it reminds you. I think, I think one day when you take a shower and while you wipe that dirt off. You wish you wiped those scars off also, but it just doesn’t happen. I suppose when you ask me. I don’t have a fucking clue. I just know that these scars told me a story and it is up to me to rewrite. Yea sure I won’t try, but I know it’ll be a go to. It’s a go to…”. Michael broke down crying while giving his last intake.

The woman with the clipboard looked at the others and gestured that we give it one more time.

“When you ask me how I’m doing. How the fuck do you feel when you’re happy, you have money, you have a family. You have vehicles, you have things to do other than to get well! How does that feel and put yourself in my shoes. You feel this and don’t tell me you won’t go mad wanting different. you tell me that you won’t lose your mind wanting what you had, wishing you had what was before. So, Doc… tell me what makes you happy?” Michael said with a stern voice overlapping the sadness in his tone.

“Family… if I may be honest. Then yea, family.” She started to write in her clipboard and was ready.

“There you go… Family. So just imagine that’s ripped out of your hands and you don’t get that no more. You don’t eat by the table, you don’t joke around on Christmas, you don’t get to text or talk to them. They are wiped out. And how would that make you feel?” Michael asked as if he was switching the tables around.

“I…I would feel heart broken.” She said as she was writing notes into her notepad, studying.

“Well, that’s how I feel.” Michael sighed, hanging his head low. “I feel like I must move on, and I will, but I will never. I’m sorry to say Doc but I can’t I love them, and I loved all we had to much.”

“I get that, I really do.”

“Do you?”

“Yea”

“Then give me your hand.” Michael asked.

There was a sudden halt in which they do not engage with the client but there was something in that moment that had developed trust. Especially after working with each other for months. She then slowly reached out her hand. Michael then cusped her hand lightly and then a big smack on her palms sent her jumping out of her seat she got up and left the room startled.

“What?” Michael laughed out loud and couldn’t keep his laughter in. “Come on… it was just a joke. Prunes.” He then scoffed and waited in his room till she was able to convince the orderlies to continue.

“Look, I’m sorry ok. We’re good? Yea?” Michael asked.

“Sure.” She replied.

“Ok… give me your hand.” Michael asked again. The lady did so and when she did there was a sudden calmness. Where both laid their palms together and nothing happened. Then Michael brought his hand back to his side and said.

“See? Nothing. Just like me.”

She then went back to her notes and looked up at Michael then back to her notes. Moments passed when she went out the door. Hours went by till Michael was released. But at this time, he shut down the shop and gave up the house to the bank. Vehicles were reposed and he was left on his own. Michael stood over the same bridge, looking over the same vehicles that moved faster.

“Mind if I join?”. An unknown voice said as they crept up right beside. leaning over the same edge Michael was leaning over many months ago. He was then startled. “Woah…do I know you? “Michael said in a reserved voice.

“Woah… easy now!” Michael was on edge but left it open. “You don’t remember me?” She asked.

“No, I don’t. what? Do you think this is a publicity stunt of the news or”?

Michael was left open and vulnerable. “No?” He asked.

“You don’t remember me?”

“Not one bit.” He Reassured.

“I’m one of the people who saved your life that day. Same day I found you on this bridge. Same one was standing on.” She smiled and resumed her position looking at Michael regardless.

“So, you’re here to spy on me to see if I go back?” Michael asked.

“No, I want to take you somewhere.”

“Where’s that?”

“You’ll see.”

The day past with the two hiking, running, and walking to the steep cliff. As they got to the cliff the unknown lady showed Michael a bungie chord ride. Michael tried to back out.

“No, no, no, no I’m scared of heights!” There was no other comment to determine how scared he was.

“Come on, you’re harnessed. It’s fine. Don’t be a baby!” She put a lot of emphasizes on how.

“Trust me. do you?” she asked.

“Not at all, I just met you!” Michael said scared to death while forced into a strap.

The woman then said. “What if I told you, all it was, was a leap of faith. Just jump. Then you’ll know that all your fears mean nothing. They’ll swing and fall before you do.”

“Damn… fuck… fuck I can’t. I can’t no.. please No.No.No.No.”

“Trust.” The lady said as she pushed Michael over. There was a loud scream, embarrassingly it was a girlish scream. *I know I’m part of a story but damn, I never heard a girl scream like that… and this is a guy. Yikes. *

Michael came back and he then asked again. He paid his fare and was looked over. Tightened and away he went. Once he came back up he asked if the woman would go but the conductors were confused.

“Holy shit is that something else. So, is she going to go?” Michael asked.

“What woman? You came by yourself. I’m sorry I’m confused.” The conductor mentioned.

“She was rig…” Michael stopped. “Was there a woman strapped in beside?”

“Not one bit, it was just you.”

“I have to go…”

Michael said as he left the straps and ran off.

Michael didn't know he was still in the the hospital, trying to answer their questions but he was to busy blacking out. moving his head to the right.

To be continued...

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Authors Notes: what I wanted to do with this story was simple. lets get to the core of bad then lets see how things can change in the the same context. there is history to Checkmate. we live it everyday.