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Decrescendo

'snow micro' challenge

By Erin SheaPublished 3 months ago Updated 3 months ago 1 min read
Top Story - February 2024
35
Decrescendo
Photo by Ricardo Gomez Angel on Unsplash

I'm wearing the hand-me-down leggings of a girl who got cancer and lived. Fraying and soaked at the kneecaps. I crouch by snow-sunken tires - pawing our car deeper into the hillside with ungloved hands. Futile, numb effort.

Carter hasn't stopped screaming at me since I lost control of our sedan in the squall. It’s supposed to turn into freezing rain overnight. Soon, that is.

The sun is setting, and his rage hangs gelid in the air between us. On ice. I chew at my purple fingertips. Adrenaline buzz. We say the worst to each other. Insults that will thaw by spring so we can separate for good (this time). Pack our bags to bird chatter.

I stomp off across the field with balled fists, soon passing the lone watchful tree. A pilgrimage checkpoint. Reverential.

“Nia!” he yells, spitting his gum into the snow like a meteor. Anger without echo.

My teeth chatter, imploring me to turn back.

I picture Carter finding me hypothermic. Face up on this barren, frozen planet. My hometown. I see him plucking my icicle eyelashes one by one and dropping them to the cold earth. Hot breath on my forehead. Rising like Lazarus.

I'm almost at the chapel now. Across the clearing. Half-a-mile. To the right. A relic of my youth. Every remote town has an abandoned attraction, adorned with morbid curiosity.

Graffiti: ORGAN. Beg me. Entombed. The End

I open the door weakly, inclined to collapse at the altar and weep like I’m fourteen.

ExcerptYoung AdultShort StoryLove
35

About the Creator

Erin Shea

New Englander

Grad Student

Living with Lupus and POTS

Instagram: @somebookishrambles

Reader insights

Outstanding

Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

Top insights

  1. Heartfelt and relatable

    The story invoked strong personal emotions

  2. Compelling and original writing

    Creative use of language & vocab

  3. Easy to read and follow

    Well-structured & engaging content

  1. Excellent storytelling

    Original narrative & well developed characters

  2. Expert insights and opinions

    Arguments were carefully researched and presented

  3. Masterful proofreading

    Zero grammar & spelling mistakes

Add your insights

Comments (20)

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  • Flamance @ lit11 days ago

    Brilliant work continue

  • Anna 2 months ago

    Congrats on Top Story!🥳

  • Rachel Deeming3 months ago

    There was so much to this story in so few words. I could see it so clearly in my head. Pathos, atmosphere, anger. Wonderful.

  • Gerald Holmes3 months ago

    Sorry but like Caroline below I just had to pick a line. There are just so many great lines in this. "Nia!” he yells, spitting his gum into the snow like a meteor. Anger without echo." I read this line at least ten times, such a great use of words. Congrats on a truly great Top Story and entry to the challenge!!

  • Caroline Craven3 months ago

    There are so many fantastic lines in this but I think my favourite is: The sun is setting, and his rage hangs gelid in the air between us. Great writing.

  • J3 months ago

    Absolutely gorgeous wording

  • Jill Harper-Judd3 months ago

    Love your descriptions and imagery. More, please!

  • Your first line is very intriguing

  • Caroline Jane3 months ago

    Awesome.🥰

  • JBaz3 months ago

    Vivid and realistic, I felt cold just spreading this. The desperation along with the emotion of a failed relationship works. Congratulations

  • Alyssa Nicole3 months ago

    Your descriptions are amazing and really cut deep to the core. Congrats on Top Story!

  • Melissa Ingoldsby3 months ago

    Absolutely a brilliant piece with deeply human and visceral emotions

  • Hannah Moore3 months ago

    This is so well written, I feel like you have put meaning into every line.

  • When hearts grow cold, does one even feel the freezing rain anymore?

  • Mason Darnielle3 months ago

    really puts you into the atmosphere :)

  • Hyde Wunderli 3 months ago

    wonderful story!

  • Toby Heward3 months ago

    Great imagery

  • Joe Patterson3 months ago

    One of the best entries yet.

  • Ha Le Sa3 months ago

    great sharing!

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