I'm wearing the hand-me-down leggings of a girl who got cancer and lived. Fraying and soaked at the kneecaps. I crouch by snow-sunken tires - pawing our car deeper into the hillside with ungloved hands. Futile, numb effort.
Carter hasn't stopped screaming at me since I lost control of our sedan in the squall. It’s supposed to turn into freezing rain overnight. Soon, that is.
The sun is setting, and his rage hangs gelid in the air between us. On ice. I chew at my purple fingertips. Adrenaline buzz. We say the worst to each other. Insults that will thaw by spring so we can separate for good (this time). Pack our bags to bird chatter.
I stomp off across the field with balled fists, soon passing the lone watchful tree. A pilgrimage checkpoint. Reverential.
“Nia!” he yells, spitting his gum into the snow like a meteor. Anger without echo.
My teeth chatter, imploring me to turn back.
I picture Carter finding me hypothermic. Face up on this barren, frozen planet. My hometown. I see him plucking my icicle eyelashes one by one and dropping them to the cold earth. Hot breath on my forehead. Rising like Lazarus.
I'm almost at the chapel now. Across the clearing. Half-a-mile. To the right. A relic of my youth. Every remote town has an abandoned attraction, adorned with morbid curiosity.
Graffiti: ORGAN. Beg me. Entombed. The End
I open the door weakly, inclined to collapse at the altar and weep like I’m fourteen.
About the Creator
Erin Shea
New Englander
Grad Student
Living with Lupus and POTS
Instagram: @somebookishrambles
Reader insights
Outstanding
Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!
Top insights
Heartfelt and relatable
The story invoked strong personal emotions
Compelling and original writing
Creative use of language & vocab
Easy to read and follow
Well-structured & engaging content
Excellent storytelling
Original narrative & well developed characters
Expert insights and opinions
Arguments were carefully researched and presented
Masterful proofreading
Zero grammar & spelling mistakes
Comments (20)
Brilliant work continue
Congrats on Top Story!🥳
There was so much to this story in so few words. I could see it so clearly in my head. Pathos, atmosphere, anger. Wonderful.
Sorry but like Caroline below I just had to pick a line. There are just so many great lines in this. "Nia!” he yells, spitting his gum into the snow like a meteor. Anger without echo." I read this line at least ten times, such a great use of words. Congrats on a truly great Top Story and entry to the challenge!!
There are so many fantastic lines in this but I think my favourite is: The sun is setting, and his rage hangs gelid in the air between us. Great writing.
Absolutely gorgeous wording
Well done! Keep pushing forward with your excellent work—congrats!
Love your descriptions and imagery. More, please!
Your first line is very intriguing
Awesome.🥰
Vivid and realistic, I felt cold just spreading this. The desperation along with the emotion of a failed relationship works. Congratulations
Your descriptions are amazing and really cut deep to the core. Congrats on Top Story!
Absolutely a brilliant piece with deeply human and visceral emotions
This is so well written, I feel like you have put meaning into every line.
When hearts grow cold, does one even feel the freezing rain anymore?
really puts you into the atmosphere :)
wonderful story!
Great imagery
One of the best entries yet.
great sharing!