Death By Chocolate

By Betsy Kelberlau

Jenny was not very coordinated as a child, nor as she got older. When she was a freshman in high school, she went with some friends to a roller skating rink. Jenny was roller skating with one of her friend’s Mom. This was her first time roller skating and she was very shaky. The Mom kept saying, hold on to me. Don’t let go. Hold on. Well, Jenny didn’t listen to her. And she went down. She caught herself with her right wrist. Oh, goodness. Boy, did it hurt. Jenny’s friend’s Mom felt so badly. Jenny said, well, it’s not your fault. You were telling me to hold on. And I didn’t listen to you.

So, Jenny got home and her Mom wrapped up the arm in a homemade splint. She used a magazine and a guitar strap. It was pretty cool. The nurse at the emergency room said it was one of the best looking homemade splints she’s seen. But yes, the wrist was broken. Ouch.

Jenny was on pain medication for the wrist. It was put in a hard cast. She stayed home from school for a day. This pain medication made her very sleepy, of course. Jenny was kind of lounging on the couch for most of the day. The family did have a babysitter/housekeeper. But she had gone to pick up Jenny’s younger siblings from school. Jenny was old enough that she could stay at home by herself for a while.

She woke up from a nap and was still in a little daze, somewhat. She read the note that the babysitter had left. They’d be right back. Some movement caught Jenny’s eye. What in the world is that, she asked herself. It looked like a huge, brown spider. You know, the hairy kind. The scary looking kind. Yikes! Surely it’s not a spider, she’s thinking to herself. It’s just a brown piece of carpet fuzz. Where’s a cat when you need one? Man.

Jenny is just trying to figure out what to do. First, she’s worried that the spider is going to come her way. She is so scared of bugs. Of any creepy, crawly thing. She thought about calling Mom or Dad. But she didn’t want to bother them at work. And really, what could they do, from over the phone? Jenny supposed that she could call on their neighbor. But he was a scary dude. He owns a rifle. He came to the driveway once. He told her Mom that he killed a snake that was in the garage. Okay then. They were very thankful, sure. He meant well and was protecting everyone. But he was still scary, just the same. Jenny did not want him to come in the house with his rifle. Not! Okay. Scratch that idea. Meanwhile, the spider is still there.

Plan B. Jenny was giving a box of chocolates by her friends at the skating party. A 5 pound box of chocolates! Yum. The box is on the coffee table right by the couch. She’s thinking that she can drop the box of chocolates onto the spider. She won’t have to touch him. And he’d be smushed! Or is this a girl spider? Why do we always seem to think bugs are a ‘him?’ Why is her mind going crazy about this? Get the spider!

Then she’s thinking, well, she doesn’t want to ruin the chocolate candies. What if the bug guts get on them? Eeww! That’s gross. Jenny reasoned with herself. We can always buy another box of chocolates. And she does not want this spider to climb up on her. Or bite her. Yikes! Decision made. Death by chocolate!

Picture this…Jenny is in a hard cast on her right arm. She’s having to carry the box of chocolates with her left hand. She slowly makes her way from the couch to the edge of the carpet. The hairy spider was on a hard floor area of the room. Jenny is side stepping her way there. She’s ready to abandon the mission and race back to the couch. If necessary.

This family room is mostly covered with carpet. But probably a quarter of it is tile. The spider is on the tiled part of the room. Jenny stood on the carpet and leaned over with the box of chocolates. She did not want to step on the tiled floor area, where the spider was. Nope! She dropped the box onto the spider. Crush! Splat! Mission accomplished! Whew. She breaths a sigh of relief. She left the box of chocolates there and made her way back to the couch.

While Jenny is relieved that the spider is dead, she’s still worried. Did I see the box move? What if he’s still alive? Jenny is thinking about this, and the babysitter and the siblings come in. Why is the box of chocolates on the floor? Oh, be careful! Jenny explains that there’s a big, hairy spider that’s squished underneath. The sister and brother are laughing. Seriously? We don’t think so. The babysitter says, well, we’ll just check this out. The siblings take a step back, when the babysitter picks up the box. They’re teasing Jenny, but they are somewhat concerned. What if she’s right? Lol

Sure enough, there’s a big, smushed up spider on the bottom of the box. We all let out a big gasp. Gross! Ick! Eeww! Get that thing out of here! The babysitter didn’t bat an eye lash. She calmly took the box into the kitchen. Poured the chocolate candies into a bowl. Then she properly disposed of the candy box with the smushed up spider.

The babysitter then put the chocolate candy bowl on the coffee table by the couch. All is well now. We don’t think any spider guts got on any of the candies. After careful inspection, we think they’re safe. Our parents came home from work right then. They had just missed all of the excitement!

Our Mom happened to notice the chocolate candy bowl right by me. Now, dear, don’t eat too many of those. You don’t want your grave marker to read ‘Death by Chocolate!’

If she only knew.