Dead Ship

Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say. Guess that’s why space exploration is so boring. What I wouldn’t do for a bit of action right now.

“How long before we reach the beacon?” I ask instead of swallowing my yawn.

“Two more hours, Captain,” replies Gurpreet, as she taps the console with her tubular digits.

Screw it, I let my yawn out. “Great, time to crack a beer then.” I stand, stretch, and look around my crew. Except for Gurpreet, they are just as dead-eyed as me. We’ve been heading towards the coordinates for a while, with very little entertainment. Although the Sigil can warp long distances, it’s rare we use it that way because it’s such a small vessel. But Marn convinced us -

“You. Marn convinced you,” I roll my eyes remembering Dr. Bell’s correction. Fine! Marn convinced me that responding to the beacon would be profitable. Something about how it’s officially salvage because it’s been seven years adrift.

Speaking of Marn, where is that rat bastard?

“Probably in the kitchen with the Kerns,” Gurpreet answered, efficient as usual. Man, she was great. I never expected that my favorite and longest crew member would be an Ophtalian. In the past, I worried that she’d fall in love with me and I’d have to turn her down. I mean, I’m an open-minded guy and all, but their eye-head grosses me out. Luckily, she told me I was too young for her tastes. Heh, it’s incredible to be seen as a youngling, what with being past my prime an’ all. Still, nothing’s worse than being unable to reciprocate an attraction to an infatuated crewmate.

“Is she destroying anything in there?”

“She’s on the ceiling,” Gurpreet answers, mirth in voice.

“What?!” I stalk out of the bridge, with Dr. Bell and 5K following me to see the scene. Did they have a bet on this fight, as per their habit? Sometimes, I’m sure Marn is on it to keep part of the winnings.

“Marn! The fuck!” I yell as I see her hanging upside down. She grins, whiskers twitching in delight.

“Just testing out my magna-boots!”

“You’re going to damage the ship’s integrity! Not to mention you’re leaving footprints everywhere! Get down from there!”

“Nah!” She dodges my attempt to knock her down with the broom. Little shit!

“5K,” I call to the robot, “can you get her down?”

“Affirmative,” they reply. They often acted serious and proper, but in truth they were an asshat. Some people have instant disdain for artificial life-forms. Can’t say that I do - they’re like organics. Some are good, some are jerks, some are sexy, and some are murderous. Most are weird. 5K isn’t an exception; it’s made up of five other smaller bots each with their own designation and personality. When they amalgamate, they become 5K. They usually stay like that unless a situation demands that they disassemble. Luckily for me, that doesn’t happen very often because, as Gurpreet can attest to – I’m balls-lousy at remembering names.

“Ah!” cried Marn as she face plants into the mesh flooring. To get her down, 5K activated a small EMP burst near her, shorting out the magnetic boots. I crack a smile, but it quickly disappears as Dr. Bell glares at me.

“If she broke a bone, I’m holding you accountable,” he says. He’s a bit of a stick in the mud, but he’s got a good heart. Like me, he was an officer in the Confederation of Worlds. Unlike me, he was unjustly court-martial after he refused to do medical malpractice on some vital ambassador. Since he got a hate-on for the C.O.W., but his Hippocratic Oath is still intact.

“She’s fine,” I wave him off as he scans her. Marn was a tough little bucket being a Rinnian an’ all. They were short, rodent-like species, but damn resilient. I stopped counting the times I thought she died in an explosion.

“Ah man, I hope they aren’t broken,” she pulls the boots off with a pout. “Do you know how much I paid for those?”

“Let me guess, nothing?” I snark.

“Oh! Good guess. Yeah, swiped them off the counter while the clerk wasn’t looking. Never ran so fast in my life.” Her whiskers twitch as she tries to contain her laugh. I couldn’t help but twist a grin. She puts me through so much trouble, but life would be hella boring without her. Getting kicked out of the C.O.W. was the best thing that ever happened.

“So,” I look over at the Kerns that had been staring at us for the past moments. “Uh, you guys okay?” The Kerns were the most recent member of my crew. Marn got them for me. If we were going to loot a derelict ship, we needed some muscle and can’t go wrong with these seven feet tall folks.

It’s the first time I encounter a Kern - not that they’re rare. There are millions of different species in the universe. No one could remember them all - except maybe Gurpreet. Anyway, for some muscle-bound people, they sure are attractive. At least for my standards, I love them facial ridges. The problem with this duo is that I can’t figure out if they’re siblings or married. They look so very much alike that I thought they were twins… But the way they always hang off from one another gave me doubt. The only difference I found was their gender when I accidently crashed into the washracks while they were showering.

“For a fifty, I’d tell you,” Marn says to my side.

“Not paying for detail on my crew,” I tell her. It wasn’t out of integrity. I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction that I really wanted to know. If they were siblings, it meant I could flirt with them. Though if there were married, maybe they wouldn’t be averse to a threesome.

My thoughts are cut off as Gurpreet calls my attention: “Captain, I have a visual on the ship.”

“On my way,” I say as I return to the bridge. A tiny spec on-screen shows me my treasure hunt waits. I didn’t have to ask it, Gurpreet was already enhancing it. I frown.

“I don’t recognize the model,” I say. Had we not been in space, I wouldn’t have called this a ship. What it resembled was a stack of shark bones draped with vorpal black sheets with gothic spires protruding along its spine. And its size… To compare, imagine the Sigil as a caterpillar wanting to climb on a cat. “I anticipated a small craft, this thing is huge! I’m surprised it didn’t get salvaged before. Marn, what exactly did your contact tell you?”

“Hum,” she stalls. My glare urges her to follow through. “Uh, that I should agree quickly before the offer is off the table!”

I sigh. Sucked into another one of her hair-brained plans. “So you know nothing?”

“The guy told me that it’s from an undiscovered species. The distress beacon stayed undetected for so long because it used a different frequency than the norm. No one wanted to go because it might be booby-trapped…”

“And why would you contact think that?”

As expected, the lights flicker red from an incoming energy blast. Gurpreet rose shields before I could call it.

“It was a low blast,” she states, analyzing the ballistics energy. “I theorize their energy is too low to shoot something more powerful. The aiming was off, definitely an automated defense system.”

“Great,” I mutter.

“Should I keep course?” she asks, looking at me with her globular eye. The bridge door opens, the rest of the crew comes to see what the commotion was about.

“Anyone hurt?” asks Dr. Bell. We all replied that we were fine. “Great. Now, the fuck is wrong?”

“Automated defense system,” I reply.

“I thought it was a distress beacon. Why would they engage the defenses?”

I shrugged. “Maybe they were attacked… Marn, d’you know why they needed help?”

She made a show of looking nonchalantly around. “Little me would know that?”

“You’re useless,” I grumble. “Man, this is a waste of time. We better turn around.”

Gurpreet started preparing the return coordinates.

“Wait, what?! We’re abandoning?” Marn cries. “We’re so close! We’ve been on course for a month non-stop and you just want to turn around?”

“The risks are too high. It’s why no one salvaged it before!”

“Yeah, but think of all the profit!”

“We’ll find another job.”

The Kerns didn’t look happy that they won’t be getting their share. Marn will have to deal with them. She’s the one that hired them.

“Come on, Gurps said they were out of juice! Our shield can tank them.”

I stare coolly at her as she tries to puppy-dog eye me. I could only see my reflection in her too-big black eyes. I look like a stupid fool to even consider listening to her -

“At least scan the place! We’re close enough now. Let’s check what kind of mats they have!”

That wasn’t a bad idea. They might have some high-grade material for which the danger would be worth facing. “Fine. Gurpreet, if you would, please.”

“Yes sir,” Gurpreet says. As she did, Marn reassures the Kerns that they would get their promised fee and a bonus. She corrals them out of the bridge, hoping they’d forget what she just said. I doubt it. They weren’t like Huuls or Junbares. For brutes, they actually had intelligence.

“5K, could you double-check my data,” Gurpreet says uncertainty in her voice.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

“Nothing, nothing,” she says. “I just need a second opinion.”

“I hate when you leave me in the dark. It’s never good.”

“I am seeing the same,” 5K says from their console.

“What is it?”

Dr. Bell goes over, checking it. Surprise mares his face.

“Guys! What’s going on!?” I yell, pulling rank in my tone.

“Life signatures.”