Cool winds come at me. Come at me. I dare you.

Cool winds come at me. Come at me. I dare you. I can't find it. That thing. You know, that thing that makes you get up another day, take another step, throw another look out into the world, makes the hand clutch in hope. Take another breath, a deep life assuring breath. I can't find it.

I have nothing. Nothing. Nothing but the water whirling at my shins. Cold, foaming water at the rims of an ocean. And I, stood alone, ready. Ready for the winds. Come take me. Make me buckle into the depths and search for a breath beneath the water.

Cool winds. come at me. Come at me. I dare you.

I hear a voice. A sweet voice flecked with concern. "Sir, are you ok?" she says.

I don't turn to look. My eyes have rested on the ocean. My will has been ordained its final task and the paper holds no blank buffer. I am to stand, and wait. Wait for the winds.

You ask why I don't step in. Do it myself. Why wait for the wind?

I say because it's the fitting end. The rightful end to an unrightful life.

My will has struggled for a lifetime, walking, trudging, clawing towards the good. And at every step, every turn, every pulse of hope, all had been snatched away, ripped from my clutches. God. The set decree. Whatever you want to call it. It's against me. No, I am not inflicted with narcissism, believing the world to conspire only against me, there are more of us here. But I know the world's invisible hands, its malevolent winds are at work to taaaake!! To devour, to destroy me!

So I am here. And I wait. Come devour me again!

Cool winds come at me. Come at me. I dare you!

"Sir, are you alright?" her hand is now on my shoulder, and I do not wish to turn. But if her hand is on my shoulder, then she too must be in the water. What imbecile is she, standing in the frigid, gnawing thing. She must be a swimmer. But the cold. The deathly cold. And there are no swimmers along the water. I see only water, not even a sail. Just the dark slate of the ocean, promising depth, immense depth. What lunatic is she coming into the water? Does she want to catch a cold? Then again, you do have those infinity athletes nowadays, taking on insane tasks back to back, a domino of hot coal. Let's see. I'll snatch a look. A quick look at her wrist. If the wrist is bare or covered in one of those scuba outfits, like the one at the back of my wardrobe, then she is a swimmer, and my conscience is clear. If on the other hand her wrist is covered by a coat, then, well then she must be a deranged person. Three, two, one.

"Excuse me sir," she says again just as I snag a look, her breath warming my ear. Damn it. She's wearing a coat. Imbecile.

Winds. Oh my dear sweet winds. Wait just but a moment. I will be ready again in a jiffy.

"Yes, I am fine," I say, still facing the waters. "Now, please I do like my alone time, so would you mind." I chuckle, attempting to allay whatever story she's conjured about my standing.

"Alone time hey," she starts, stepping to my side, the waters singing at her shoes. "I too like coming here, for some alone time. It really is soothing ain’t it?"

"Soothing. Yes, very much," I say not turning to look, to further engage. This hiccup must be treated quickly. "Only I like the act of being alone. When here. So please if-"

"Alone. There is that word again. Fine. I get the message my friend. I'll leave you alone."

"Thank you. Goodbye hey."

" Yes. Goodbye."

She walks, only she walks forwards into the water. And now she stands a few yards ahead of me. Her back to me, and the water at her knees. What nonsense is this? How am I to fall into the waters with this lady just stood there. Why is this now happening? The moment I seek freedom from the horror, I get this buffoon. Wait! I see it now. I see it clear. Oh winds, I see you. I see you my old friend. You can't let me live in peace, and now you can't let me die in peace!

"Excuse me Ms, what are you doing?

"Just standing," she says, still with her back to me.

Her brown hair is tied and streaked with a little grey. Her black jacket is thick, and warming. But her shins, her knees must be cold as a packet of peas. Oh why is she doing this to me?

"Yes. I see. But, Ms, please if you can just-"

"It's a free'cunch."

"Sorry. It's a free'cunch?" I find myself now trapped into this conversation, my head stretched forward, trying to figure out this puzzle of 'free'cunch'. Oh, my world, my tainted life. Winds just take us both. Now!

"Yeah. Free'cunch. You know, as they say nowadays."

"Who says? I've never heard this thing in my life."

"It's a free country God dammit," she says, turning her face a little. I caught her cheek. The curve of her nose. An eye.

"Oh. Free country. O.K. Now I understand."

Oh, why is she still here? My heart is growing strained, wanting to just rocket through my chest bone and fall into the water. I must be tactful, sweet. Show compassion. People like compassion and empathy. And sense. People like sense. I must break her down softly and blow her away.

I stomp along the waters, and put a hand on her back. "My dear. You are right. This is a beautiful place to stand. And you are right, this is a free country. The free'est. But look, there is so much, so, so, so much water here. Just look around, the shore is endless. Just pick a spot, and its yours. All yours. Alone."

"I like it right here."

"Then fine, if you insist. I will move." I start to the left, plodding along the shore, the water pulling at my legs.

"It's a free'cunch."

"That's not even english. What are you, a child?" I shout back.

I drag myself through the water, along the long shore which is too much to hold even in a high bird’s eye. Not counting my steps, just plodding along mechanically, for a while, for a minute, or two, three, I don't know. I just walk into the vastness. And finally I stop, happy with my work, my effort. I'm clutching my knees, catching my breath. Then at last, I am ready again. Ready to fall into the sweetness. I turn towards the ocean. And I cannot believe my eyes. There she is again. Right in front of me, her back to me. All my life I have not known a greater imbecile!

I start towards her, only to catch my foot on a thing below the waters, and I fall in. My arms are flailing, the breath is dancing around my cheeks, escaping my mouth. The world, the heavens are blinking. Please God no. Please God no! Save me. Save me!

A hand pulls me up, my knees are digging the ocean bed, the water lapping at my waist. I look up. The most beautiful eyes, eyes only for me, me alone. She smiles. Oh what in the devil is this?