Consumed By the Demons Without

The mirror showed a reflection that wasn't my own.

The crystal glass distorted the perception as grown,

The shattered fragments of my once innocent soul,

Has ground and churned, so I'm not whole.

Inside and out, you eat my mind,

And tell me it's a weakness to be so kind.

I see myself a walking blob,

Amidst the Earth's cruel, cruel mob.

-Echoes of a Demon's Curse

Kathleen gazed at the snowflakes falling from the dim, grey skies above the farmhouse. She could hear the distant echoes of laughter playing across the lawn as children rode sleds through the winter landscape.

She could faintly remember joining in on such activities and feeling alive. Their laughter rang in her ears like a distorted song she could only partially remember. It brought back vague memories of happiness and joy that she could no longer access.

She feared those feelings the same way she feared feelings of insecurity, sadness, or irrelevance. The pain of that day so many years ago frightened her so much that any time she felt anything she'd retreat inside to escape the world.

Shutting the curtains, Kathleen pulled herself back inside the house. The dark wood-paneled walls of the home encircled her in such a way that it felt like they compressing her. A tear started to form on the ends of her eyes as she stared up at the ceiling and walls as they quickly engulfed her as if she was their last meal.

"Don't cry, child of earth," a voice whispered in the shadows of the room. In shock, Kathleen gazed around the ever-shrinking room. There was only her porcelain collection of dolls in the cupboard, her Germain beer-stines on the table, and her crystal chandelier.

There was no one in the room. Who spoke those words into her ear?

"Don't fear, child of earth," the voice whispered again. Standing up as her body quaked, she braced herself against the large wooden table of her dining room.

The lacey tablecloth held her china plates, platters, cups, and vessels. It was always set for dinner, but there was never anyone there to eat. Just empty silence. Perfect, peaceful silence.

Glancing around her room, she could feel the air returning to her lungs as the walls grew out once again. Holding her head to prevent herself from falling, she could feel her heartbeat slowly returning to normal once again.

"I said, don't fear, child of Earth," the whisper came to her ears yet again. Slowly, unwittingly, and as if guided by an external force, Kathleen walked towards the golden gilded mirror hanging over her desk. She saw her small, pale face gazing back at her through the mirror's glass.

Touching her face she noticed her cheekbones were more pronounced than the last time she looked. Her black hair was tied up in a tight bun, exposing the thinning hairs on her scalp.

Thinning. Always growing thinner and thinner. Every aspect of herself was slowly starting to disappear. And she loved it.

Every time she saw herself slowly getting thinner, or stepping on the scale and seeing she lost more weight, she felt a small glimmer of achievement. She was slowly vanishing, one hair, one pound at a time, and she felt like this was exactly what she wanted.

"Who's there?" Kathleen spoke to the mirror.

"Me," the voice whispered yet again. To her amazement, the face in the mirror, which should be her own, became distorted and spoke to her. She didn't believe it was really herself speaking to herself, but the face kept talking even though she told herself to stop.

"Who are you?" Kathleen demanded, asking the reflection to identify herself.

"I am you," the reflection answered, cracking a small, smug smile. "Or at least, I am everything you wished you could be. You are so small. So weak. So imperfect. You are not complete without me."

"So, what do you want from me?" Kathleen felt her lips quiver in fear. The room seemed to be getting larger and colder the more she spoke to this mysterious creature.

"I want to help you fix everything," her reflection stated firmly. "You want to fix this hot, stifling world, don't you? It's so hot and fat, with everyone running around laughing as if the inevitable wasn't about to destroy them?"

"Yes," Kathleen could barely whisper the words. A puff of white steam exited her mouth as she breathed these words due to the frigid air now surrounding her.

"Good, child of Earth," her reflection told her. "Let me enter you, take away your weakness, and fix this ridiculous planet. Come, take that hammer, shatter this frame, and let me out!"

"Yes!" Kathleen screamed, her voice nearly gone for the cold, and lifted the small hammer on the table. She brought the hammer down on the mirror with such force that the shards of glass flew out and left small cuts all over her skin.

Something felt strange as she looked at her wreaked reflection in the shattered remains of the mirror. The small specks of bright red blood on her arms and cheeks contrasted beautifully with her snow-white skin.

There seemed to be something new deep down in her heart. But, there also seemed to be something missing. There used to be a small, lingering warmth deep in the pit of her stomach. That was gone now.

All she felt was a coldness in her chest. The coldness felt wonderful. In fact, it didn't feel like anything aside from cold. The cold felt numb. The cold felt untouchable. The cold felt beautiful.

"Child of Earth," the voice spoke in her mind.

"Is that you?" Kathleen asked the cold air around her.

"It is you," the voice confirmed in her mind. "Thank you for your soul. Now we can change the world for the better. Come now, little girl, let's make this hot, sticky, disgusting planet a colder, pristine, and untouchable place."

*****

From that day forward, Kathleen always listened to the voice in her mind. That spirit that stole away her soul now enabled her to make the world cold, yet beautiful.

Slowly, the chill that she released that day when she shattered the mirror, started to ebb into the real world. There was less laughter. Less sunshine. Less warmth. Fewer rainbows after the rainstorms.

Everything became still and quiet. Snow and ice replaced the green fields and trees. Children no longer played in the fields and laughed as they played their games.

Previously, even on the coldest winter days, children could be seen sledding and drinking hot cocoa. Now, they hid at home in the dark afraid to touch the majestic landscape.

But one day, a small girl appeared who changed how Kathleen felt about the world. She had a small blue dress on, her brown hair brushed over her shoulders, and a small, innocent face.

"Hello," the little girl greeted Kathleen with a smile. Kathleen was in the process of replacing the daisies along the roadway with glass flowers. Daisies were nice, but when they died, they became brown and ugly. Glass ones would not die and would always be beautiful.

"Do not smile," Kathleen scolded the girl.

"Why not?" the girl asked her.

"Because it creates wrinkles," Kathleen insisted.

"So, if I have wrinkles, it means I smiled, right?" the girl asked, her smile even bigger than before.

"I suppose," Kathleen admitted.

"Then it's a good thing to have wrinkles," she giggled.

Kathleen paused. Who was this girl? Where did she come from? Why did she seem so familiar?

"You used to smile," the girl said suddenly.

"No, I will never do something so foolish," Kathleen rebuked her.

"Not anymore, but you used to," she answered knowingly.

Normally, Kathleen would not be phased by this little girl and her words. But there was something about this girl that gave her pause.

"Are you..." Kathleen stammered, feeling unsure of herself for the first time in forever.

"Yes," the girl answered, nodding as she scattered flower seeds on the earth. "You tried to get rid of me, but you can't do that. I'll always be here, and you can't escape me. You can't run forever. We can't run from ourselves, Kathleen."

Slowly a tear formed in the corner of Kathleen's eye. She hadn't cried ever since she shattered the mirror. She hadn't felt anything since that day, until now.

"Come," the little girl said, grabbing her hand gently.

"Where are we going?" Kathleen asked.

"Into the woods to find our soul," the girl smiled widely.

The sun shone brightly, warming Kathleen's shoulders as the little girl led her into the forest.

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I am so grateful to everyone who took the time to read my entry into the broken mirror challenge. I used my past experience struggling with depression and anorexia. I hope anyone who's felt these overwhelming feelings can relate to how Kathleen felt in this story.

I'm working on a nonfiction piece about anorexia and body image issues. When I first saw this challenge it immediately evoked old feelings I suffered from every time I looked in the mirror.

Thank you so much for reading! Much love to you.