Do you ever think…
‘What was I just thinking?’ “FINAL CALL!!!! ALL A’BOARD!!!” ‘Wait a minute, what?!’
With those thoughts you open one eye ever so slightly, recognizing something strange…
Your head is pounding and have no obvious thought of where this could be, not to mention your memories quite fuzzy. Deciding, before fully appearing awake you open the left eye and scan the vicinity of the whereabouts through its lashes. Peeking you see what you can barely make out to be a window, seeing a blurred reflection of yourself, unable to make out what’s on the other side, you, for sure are in some sort of vehicle, it hasn’t appeared to be moving yet, by what you just heard, this must be a train. thinking to yourself, ‘Do train conductors even say that phrase anymore? Am I in England? What's my head on, why does it hurt...’?
You feel your head has been leaning against the window for some time. What you hear around you is the ambiance of people in the distance and it feels as if though there are others in this “room,” but they aren’t making a sound. An unsettled emotion befalls you. ‘Where am I?’ Not daring to move, still cautious, observing what appears to be wood flooring, noticing your lower apparel, and becoming aware that your feet are bare. ‘I never wear shorts in the winter, where are my shoes?’ Keeping your right eye closed, while trying not to panic, you open the other fully as possible, still not moving. Your heart is beating fast, and you feel very disturbed by what is looking at you…
Through the reflection of the window, you can see…
Your reflection is not your own.
Your thoughts turn from ‘Where am I’ to ‘Who am I?’ This existential crisis hits like Molasses poured over the head, slowly permeating your whole body. Head pounding, feeling something isn’t right, opening both eyes to notice you are in an empty fancy railway car. Hearing an old fashion train whistle, realizing, if this is some where you could recognize, the surroundings might tell where you are! Turning hurriedly to look out of the window more clearly, with failure to know anything new about your predicament. The windows seem to be as hazy as your mind, swiftly getting to your feet.
‘I have to get out of this Trane, and figure out where I am.’
Disoriented you lose balance, stumbling from being lightheaded, now, on the floor feeling the reverberation of the train, you look up, still struggling to even stand. While being in a daze deciding to take a better look at your surroundings, noticing this room, besides it seeming to be wealthier than you ever thought you’d be blessed to be in, reveals itself through your perception, to be a vintage railway car. Sitting up, scanning the “room” it seems, in style only, to be hundreds of years old, however, it appears to be quite new. ‘My head hurts!’ Reacting as you always react in mysterious situations… Something glistens underneath “your” seat.
In addition to not recognizing your own face, and lacking the ability to stand for very long, this new piece of information of possible time travel is making your head spin, more than it already was. You become nauseous; your newest thought turns from ‘Who am I’ to… ‘When am I?’ as well as ‘HOW THE HELL IS THIS even POSSIBLE?’ The feeling of someone being in proximity, like the notion of being watched, sends chills down the spine. Attempting to stand again using the seat as leverage and notice, seemingly, you are alone, at least in this cabin.
Gaining the ability to finally be able to stand with your own cognizance… the sudden jerk of the train finally taking off puts you back on the floor. on a knee, the shimmering object is sharp, and cuts the knee as you hit the floor. Centrifugal force sent it sliding across into your flesh, barely drawing blood.
In defeat you realize you may not be getting off this confusing ride anytime soon. Attention goes towards the mysterious glistening object, that has just rudely made itself known to you. On the floor close to your leg, seeing more clearly, it is a blade or bookmark, silver, not just in color. Deciding this thin piece is sterling silver, it is quite sharp, with what seems to be gold lettering embossed with the word: THINKS.
Finally standing without any more disturbances, cautiously making your way out of, "first class" and into “coach.” The seats are close together, still fancy, just less so than the point from whence you started. You ask several passengers for assistance, no one pays you any attention.
Going from railcar to rail car recognizing that the same railcar you walked in is the same you just came out of, AGAIN… same passengers, same décor, same feeling that you are a ghost, because no one is responding… everything, just repeats constantly staying the same. You still, as of yet to make out the outside, as ALL the windows are blurred, however you can tell there are trees of some sort and with each doorway you pass through the trains speed seems to increase.
You proceed through the car loop several times, over and OVER,
You stop, and go back into the previous cart, everything IS still the same except it seems the speed has slowed, you head backwards through these “loop rooms”, however, getting back 3 cars the door to "first class" is…gone… 'no going back now'…continuing reluctantly on, you go through 3 more of the "same room", again EVERYTHING IS THE SAME… except you notice a passenger that wasn't in the previous loop, at least you don't remember seeing them, your head pounding, noticing, this seems to be the final room, there’s a window where the door to the exit should be.
Walking towards the person, saying “Excuse me…” getting closer, asking as you investigate their face. “Excuse me could you...” Your heart stops, you recognize this passenger…
Stuttering over your words You exclaim to your “self”, “Ww..wHAT’S GO..ooIN..nnG ON!!!" Apparently, it was to yourself, as “THIS SELF” didn’t even flinch, in fact looking around acknowledging no one seemed to hear anything, surprising, as that was quite LOUD. Shouting “I GUESS I AM A GHOST!” Getting louder and frantic grabbing the “imposter self” and shaking them exclaiming your frustration as the headache is increasing in magnitude from irritating pain to excruciating. Wildly shaking this person. ‘I MUST NOT BE A GHOST I CAN INTERACT WITH THIS JERK.’ In the mind exclaimed.
The book “you” were reading falls to the floor, and you drop the "bookmark/blade". Collapsing in frustration you can tell that the other “you” seems un-phased by your thrashing, defeated, you grab the book while on the floor, noticing the “other self” picking up the bookmark.
Reading the name of the book your heart sinks… “Constant Trane” thinking to yourself. ‘I feel like…’
“I… wrote this.”
Opening the book, your head pounding harder than it has this whole time.
You hear your voice, not in your head but speaking out loud above you as you read the words...
“Do we ever think…”
As you read those words you feel something in your face, you begin to pass out, your eyes closing, you hear “your” voice finish what you think you’ve been reading…
“Do you ever think… what do words REALLY mean, for instance, what is a Train and why, we are in a Trane…” As you listen you can tell you are forgetting what is being said you feel this “self” lifted and you can feel you are put on to something and your head hits a window, and that’s where you stay…until…
“Do you ever think… what do your words REALLY mean, for IN stance, what is a Trane and why are we on a Train?
‘What were you just thinking?’ “LAST CALL!!!! ALL A’Bored!!!” ‘Wait, a… what, HUH?!!’
Thinking, I open one eye to a slit, seeing something I’ve felt before …odd…
My head hurts, and I don’t know where Iam, it’s hard to think. I look around with my open eye Seeing a window, I see myself, just not very well. ‘I LOVE TRAINS!’
My heads against the window, ‘I hear people, I feel her.’ I open my eye to see if she is their still not moving. ‘Where are you?’ I sit still seaing Iam in my favorite shorts. ‘She must be neer; she wouldn’t leave me alone’. In the window, I don’t see my own face.
I begin to freak out and flail my arms about, eyes wide open. “MY HEAD HURTS!! WHERE ARE YOU!!!!!”
Falling in my panic, Iam dizzy and cranky, why did she leave me hear?
Confused I can sea that Iam all by myself.
As the trane jolts forwurd my knee hits something sharp and now My knee hertz more than my hed. Picking up the object of pane with a gold word on the “blade” THINKS.
Exiting the Reaume I begin wailing “where ARE YOU!!!!” Going from railcar to rail car everything is staying the same.
Next car, same people, same constantly being ignored… All the windows are blurry.
I run from car to car, Until I see her hair, “! IT’S YOU!”
I hug her tight and she seems to not notice me, I grab her arms shaking her and…nothing…Her book falls to the floor I go to hand it to her, and she walks away from me, Falling to the floor I begin to cry. I notice her book.
Reading the name of the book, I smile “Constant Trane” She wrote THIS!
Opening the book, my head hurts more than my knee now.
I hear her voice, in my head not out loud…'huh?' I read her words…
“What Do you ever think about dreams and thoughts and trains…”
As you read those words you feel something in your face, you begin to pass out, your eyes closing, you hear “her” voice finish what you think you’ve been reading…this whole time.
“Do you ever think… what do words REALLY mean, for instance, what is a Train and why are we on a Trane...”
As you listen you can tell you are forgetting what is being said you feel this state lifting up and you’re being physically picked up…
You awake from your slumber in a cold sweat, confused, you hear her voice, your mother is cradling you in her arms, she coos to you in soft smooth tones “Darling what do your words REALLY mean? Whatever you think... It’s just a dream.” You look up into her caring eyes, she continues. “Was it OUR dream?” You nod sheepishly. “Were you on THE train? For instance, you said Train, twice. What did you mean?”
More confused You begin to cry.
“what’s the matter my little ray of light?”
In a 5-year old’s voice, I/you say…
“I had that bad dweam, you lost me. again”
“Hello!!! HELLO… we are just about to leave, please put your tray up.”
Confused seeing a flight attendant, I realize, we were never on a train, I am on a plane, I am headed somewhere, although I can’t recollect right now where, was that a dream?
looking down at the book I am writing, realizing…
It wasn’t a dream, it was a Trane, I just barely got on this plane, I was lost in my TRAIN of thought, in a hypnotic state, through memories and being stuck in the past. Thoughts seem to just always be racing. ‘Are we even awake or is life the Trance?’
The Constant Trane
"Life is a story about someone who wakes up on a "trane of thought" called Earth. We have no ticket and no memory of how we got here."
“Oh, and one more thing: our train of thought, shows no signs of slowing down.”
"May I suggest, re reading at least, Constant Train, knowing the above "quotes."
About the author
Committing Life-Icide daily, through Murdurtation in each present moment, knowing it's the gift.
"Every moment, consciously remove the former self Bee-leaved to be. That no longer serves the self, Iam Bee-coming, always been. The true self."