Color Blind

*Disclaimer: This story is a piece of Harry Potter fanfiction, which is owned by J.K. Rowling and her associates. This story is simply based on the wonderful wizarding world that she created.

He was a Hufflepuff. A silly, lanky, awkward Hufflepuff, and yet he had enough power to pull me effortlessly down onto my knees. An achievement, I suppose you could call it; after all, it is not everyday that such a strong-willed and independent Slytherin finds herself falling aimlessly for a guy without reasoning. But it was torture at the same time. When gradually falling in love, most girls have a friend to consult with. Most people in general always have the option of spilling their feelings without a doubt of a soothing response.

Not me.

Hufflepuffs and Slytherins were not designed to get along in any way. In fact, the real compromise for dangerous encounters between the two was to have us serpents on a side all alone. Three against one. And unnoticeably, one heart against another.

Some compromise.

To leave a girl secluded and lost is one thing but to banish her from birth to anything impure is simply an outmost form of unfairness. I have expectations from my parents what with my eldest sister nearly settled down with the proper criminal of a man; expectations that I no longer possess the will or substance to meet. My eyes are locked on that dark-haired Hufflepuff with the kindest and most heartfelt smile in the entire world. I cannot drive myself to turn away.

Being so absorbed you would think that I could just take a risk and try and have him all to myself, but I fear that even something as straightforward as that is too complex for me to juggle at the moment. I only possess one heart and one mind. Both are strong and renewed with constant pain, but some things are out of hand; out of reach; miles away. Sometimes the things that we want most are the very aspects of happiness that we cannot run after. We must sit here and wait patiently for them to come to us.

I have never been a skillful waiter. I grew up in a world where waiting was a sin and sins were not all that welcome to the Black family. I at least held the ability and brains to keep away from the trance that was bestowed by adolescent fear. I carried enough common sense as a young child to act in just the right manner at just the right times to pass by.

But to barely make it would be stating an obvious understatement. My parents- both of them at that- were onto me. It was not as if I was committing to anything wrong at home or at school, but the way that I held myself had always been a threat to all that they anticipated for me. I do not know what exactly it was, but something about my personality and manner toward disgraceful nouns forced them to question with fear on whether or not I would be one to follow through with their profound wishes and well thought out plans.

I did not know how my sisters could survive in this world if I overpowered them so drastically with my mental advancements. Things were hard enough with a varied outlook, but to have things so limited and secluded would be that much more disastrous to work with. For the very first time in my life, I could feel myself spurting sympathy for my self-absorbed siblings. What was the world coming to?

I can honestly express that I do not know how much longer I can sit here in this dust-covered and sheltered corner of my own matured mind screaming and wailing; flinging my arms wildly in the musty air as I try with all my might to grasp onto something firm enough to hold me up for just a little bit longer. I can make it through this if I just have a bit more time. Time is not too much to ask for, but wasting it and expecting it back is something that everyone is accustomed to doing.

There is nothing, you see. Flailing my hands this way and that while bumping and thumping my elbows around, I have yet to find one immediate structure in my life to keep me from falling any further. I have searched and rummaged helplessly through all of the possibilities and know for a fact that I am going down faster than I have ever done, harder than I have ever witnessed, and unmistakably, deeper than I have ever possessed the will to travel.

My beloved Hufflepuff has a girl of his own at the present time, and as much as I wish otherwise, her name is not Andromeda. Alexia, rather- a courteous and proud Hufflepuff in the same year as me. They make a lovely couple of constant smiles and melodious laughter and all that I want for the both of them is the complete sense of happiness, even if it means that I sit here and loll around in my own misery.

Ted Tonks is the best man that I have ever known. He saved my life the day that he became the target of my affections. It sounds dramatic, I know, but when I fell for him my eyes flew open. No longer was I trapped in the desires of my parents and the individuals around me but for once in my life I was able to revolve my outlooks and experiences on my own. I was finally free to roam where I wished and even though the consequences would be dealt with when the time was right, the very thought of freedom enticed me more effectively than anything else that the world could offer my way. I would suffer from my choices later.

Later.

It had been later. Later had arrived awhile ago, but each time I was pumped up for the chance, things fell apart. I was not a coward but merely an individual who was not willing to destroy the lives and sensibilities of those who did not deserve it. I would not ruin minds and poison hearts of anyone just so my own weights could be lifted so easily.

I had a heart; therefore, I still held the ability as a living human being to be broken. The aforementioned statement is something that few believe productively in. Andromeda Black- or any Black for that matter- cannot be broken down or shredded by any being, especially the object of their affections. It was not possible. I guess that that was where my faith began to fall. No longer would I be able to take a leap of faith and land with stability. If no one would be there to catch me if I fell, what was the point? But I was already falling without the hope of contacting solid ground. I would not be able to leap another session without the vivid account of profound deception.

Valentine’s Day has never been one of the better holidays in my eyes. To me, it was just another day that gave boys and girls an actual excuse to be caught snogging delightfully in the corridors. It probably would not be so bad though if I had a man to share it with. But I did not find it pleasing to dwell on things that I had the ability to change. Doing so clouded my necessary common sense and always left me desiring only what true happiness could offer my way. It was in my nature to be greedy and selfish but I tried to steer from that as much as possible. I could do it- that much was certain- but I had no clue as to how long I could hold up the façade merely to keep myself from morphing into the monster that I was by birth.

I was, after all, completely in love, and losing myself now would not help me in any fashion even mildly worthwhile.