Chelsea

It was about 1:30pm on a Thursday in July when William finally got the call. He had been anxious every time he had left his home for the past two weeks, wondering if that day would be the day he would have to answer it. He had known, for quite some time, that this moment was inevitable, he had just hoped that he would be able to deal with it in person when it finally arrived.

On this particular Thursday, William sat quietly at his desk going over some new orders, with nothing but the clicking of keys and the muffled sound of his own earbuds, which he had sat aside on his desk while speaking with Darren, his ‘cube neighbour,’ to distract his thoughts. The sun was shining in through the huge window to his right, and it caused him to scrunch up the right side of his face a little, in order to squint at his computer screen. He had no complaints though. It was warm and soothing on his skin, and it reminded him that not everything was so dreary…. so destined to devastate him.

William loved summer in Ontario. He loved seeing life regain its dominion over the land that winter decimated each year. It reminded him that renewal and rebirth were possible, and that everything moved in cycles. It made it easier for him to accept what was happening to Chelsea.

He lived for the after-dinner hikes he would take with her every night, and how excited she would get when they would take the long drive north to spend a weekend on the Bruce Peninsula together. He didn’t even mind his commute from the north end of Etobicoke to Orangeville, up past Caledon mountain, during the summer months. It was a beautiful drive for the most part, and without the treacherous winds and snows of winter, the traffic moved pretty well. But in the last year or so, and especially the last few months, his arrival home had been met with much less enthusiasm than he was used to. Though Chelsea tried to put on a brave face, the pain and exhaustion were dragging her away from William, and slowly breaking him down emotionally.

As William sat at his desk savouring the sunlight, he took another spoonful of his homemade ‘Groguroats,’ as he called it. It was a simple, greek yogurt and oat-based snack, featuring his ‘nut of the week’ and something a little sweet…. dark chocolate cacao nibs today. As he savoured his last spoonful, he remembered that Chelsea was actually the reason he ate so well, and was in fairly good shape now. When she had first come into his life, William claimed that she was perfect for him, because they were both a little on the ‘puffy’ side, and thus, must enjoy the same lifestyles. William would often argue that his small ‘ponch,’ which is what he called the moderate, but growing ‘spare tire’ around his midsection, was a genetic inheritance, and something he couldn’t actually change. However, to William’s surprise, Chelsea was much more active than he had anticipated, and the more active they were together, the better they started to feel and look. Their newfound love of activity and the outdoors also gave birth to William’s interest in healthy eating, which again, gave the two of them something else to change and share together.

“It may not have been an easy road,” William thought to himself, recalling the disgusting faces they would make at each other as they tried healthier ‘alternatives’ as a team, “but without her, there’s no way I would have done it on my own.”

Just as William finished swallowing his spoonful of Groguroats, his phone began to ring, and the caller ID said ‘Home.’

“Yea? What’s wrong?”

“It…… it’s Chelsea. I think you need to come see her. I think……” the voice on the other end cracked and broke. They couldn’t finish, but William knew exactly what they were telling him. He knew it before he even answered.

William flicked off his computer, spun out of his seat, and began racing to the door. He simply waved at his boss on the way by shouting backwards as he left, “GOING! CALL…… TOMORROW……… OKAY!”

“Don’t wor----“ was all William could make out as the office door closed behind him. Even if he had heard the full sentence, it wouldn’t have registered anyways.

Besides, his boss knew what was going on.

Everyone knew what was going on.

Perhaps, if his brain hadn’t immediately been flooded with thoughts of Chelsea, and how he would find her when he arrived home, he might have had time for formulate a coherent sentence.

Perhaps, if his chest didn’t feel like it was ready to pop open like a landmine, and his eyes weren’t welling up ready to explode like tiny grenades, he would have noticed or acknowledged the concerned looks from his friends and co-workers as he raced out the door. But all he could think of, all he kept repeating was…..

“Hang on Chels…. Just hang on for me.”

The only positive to being called home at this time of day was that the traffic would be non-existent, and as William peeled up the 427 onto the 401, he realized that he had been soaring at almost 140km/h without even noticing it. He weaved in and out of the smattering of speeding vehicles left on the highways, curving up onto the 410 without even understanding how he had gotten there. It was all automatic. It had been automatic for years, but not like this. Sure, he could probably make it to work and back with his eyes closed, but William was not even present as he drove his car north. It might as well have been a self-guided rocket launched from a shuttle bay.

And as the car drove itself along the 410, William’s mind began to drift, imagining all of the terrible ways he might find Chelsea at home.

Will she be alive or dead?

Could she be violently ill? Sick everywhere?

What if she is completely immobilized and unable to even respond?

She could be laying there gasping for breath. Or crying uncontrollably because she doesn’t understand what is happening to her…..

How will I find her?

How will I fix this?

How will I ….. go on without her?

William’s mind had drifted for so long that he failed to notice the 410 end, and turn into plain old Highway 10. He also failed to notice the police officer waiting behind the exit ramps, who spotted him going 118km/h in the 80km/h zone that starts as the 410 ends. William continued to drive for almost a full minute before he noticed the lights behind him, which shook him back into reality and caused him to hastily pull his car over. As the officer swiftly marched from his vehicle to Williams window, William began to break down against his steering wheel.

*Tap tap tap*

“Could you roll down your window please sir….”

*Bzzzzzzzzzzz*

“I assume you know why I pulled you over?”

“Y-y-yes….. I just, I uhhhh” William muttered through a strained voice.

“You were sailing back there! I have you at almost 40km/h over the speed limit. Is there a reason you were going so fast?”

“Yes, you see I just….. I. No. No just please give me the ticket. Hurry…. If you can.” William had already pulled out his license before the officer even got to his door, so he hastily handed it to the officer, who stared back at William almost in shock.

“You mean? You actually have nothing to say.”

“No.” William said sharply. “Please just give me the ticket as fast as possible so I can go.”

Puzzled, the officer looked at William’s license, and looked back at his face, which by this time was tense to say the least. Through a clenched jaw and bloodshot eyes William uttered, “Please. Hurry.”

“Look, have you been drinking or using any kind of narcotic this morning sir? I have to ask these things….”

“NO!” shouted William. “I….. ugh I’m sorry. I… just…. my…… there is an emergency at my house. Please, the ticket.”

“What kind of an emergency? Do you need help there?” the officer offered, trying his best to be considerate of the situation, while still looking to judge whether William was fit to drive.

“No. I don’t know. It could be nothing. It could be everything. It’s probably bad…… You……… You can’t help. Please just let me get home.”

“I see. Well, I’m very sorry sir…. I understand being upset can make us do things we wouldn’t normally do, so I’ve reduced your ticket to 19km/h over the limit. No points, just a fine. Please just.... drive carefully on your way home. Drive the speed limit.”

“Thank you officer. I…… appreciate it” William whispered faintly as he rolled his window back up and began to drive.

The fact that he had been pulled over brought William back to where he was and what he was doing, but it didn’t take long for his mind to stray again as he drove. His car cruised along at around 85km/h, but William resided in a different time and place altogether. He was in the hospital, where he had first learned about Chelsea’s health problems.

“Ahh William! How are we today? What seems to be the issue here?”

“Well, honestly, I don’t know. Chelsea has just been really off lately. She has seemed unusually tired, especially on our hikes, she hasn’t been eating as much, and she’s obviously lost some weight because of that.”

“Hmmm, well it could be a number of things, but it could honestly be nothing. Just let us run some tests and we’ll let you two know what’s going on.”

----------------- Several Days Later

“William, I’m sorry to tell you this…… but, Chelsea has a hemangiosarcoma on her heart.”

“Okay…. Soooo, like, what is that? Exactly?”

“It’s…. a tumor that affects the blood vessels, in this case, those of Chelsea’s heart.”

“A tumor. So, cancer. So she has cancer….. in her heart.”

“Mmmm, yes. That would be a correct assessment.”

“Well, so, what can I do about that? What do we do about that?”

“To be honest, at this stage….. nothing. It would be incredibly difficult and expensive to operate on her, and there would be no guarantee of success. Chemo, Radio, and Immunotherapy are other options, but again, they can be expensive, agonizing, and will only prolong her life to a point. It’s entirely up to you, but I would say that Chelsea probably has about another year left to live, 6 months of which she would still be able to be relatively active and happy. Please…. Take some time to weigh all of your options.”

“I…….. I don’t………………..”

-------------------

Back in the car, William began whispering to himself, “8 months….. that was 9 months ago already. God, she’s done so well. But 9 months are just gone. She might be….”

As William pulled up to his driveway, he turned off the car and sat for a moment, unsure of whether or not he was prepared for what he would find waiting for him inside. As he gawked at his garage door with glazed eyes, he heard a tap on the window. It was his wife, Lauren.

“Hey handsome…. She’s waiting for you. She was tough enough to wait.”

William looked at his wife, half-smiled, and clicked open his car door. As he walked towards the front door, the memory of the first day he brought Chelsea home, almost 12 years ago, came flooding back. She was just a tiny black ball of fur, with big, dark brown eyes, and a slightly crooked, chewed-up looking nose. Her nose was the reason no one wanted her, it was the only reason William could afford her. She was sold at a discount, but, as William puts it, there was no way he could have known what an incredible deal he was actually getting.

“The first thing she did was piss all over the floors,” he sputtered softly to Lauren. She laughed, but held her words, there was nothing she could really say.

“Then she ran to the kitchen, and ripped down the blinds from the sliding back door. In all of our years here she has never let me keep any kind of the blinds or curtains we have bought over that door. She always needed to see the yard. Such a little piece of……. although, she was really just being protective I guess.”

“I know. She loves you, and our……. her house” Lauren sighed.

“She chewed up the legs on my first dining room table and chairs. Every time anyone would come over it would be ‘Oh my god! What happened to your table and chairs…. Did movers do that!?’ Nope. It was the stupid black furball actually. Labs tend to chew though. Realistically, I guess that was my fault for not training her right away.”

“She was always playf—“

“And remember the time she ate that entire cake! I actually almost forgot about that! I set your birthday cake down on the kitchen counter…. So, almost 4 feet up, and she STILL managed to get it down and eat it all. That was only a few years ago too. She might have been what? Eight? What a brat. She just stared at us too, like ‘Ummm what’re ya gonna do about that now, huh?’”

“I know!” Lauren laughed, “she was definitely a challenge.”

As William got to the door, he vividly remembered the last time he had come home to an open front door, and what Chelsea had done that day.

“Do you remember about six years ago, we had just started dating, and I told you about that robbery?”

“Yes of course,” Lauren offered, “Chelsea basically saved your life.”

“It was unbelievable. I came home to her sitting on the front step staring at the open door, and I couldn’t understand how the hell she had gotten out. She was just sitting there growling at nothing, so I tapped her on the head and headed towards the door. As I did, she started barking, and I couldn’t get her to stop. Suddenly the door swung open and that guy charged at me with that signed Joe Sakic stick I had hanging in my tv room. Chelsea just jumped up and almost ripped his entire arm off! So I pulled her off and pinned the guy on the ground and had my neighbour Ryan call the cops. It was insane. She protected me without even thinking…..”

“Because she loved you…. She still does. Go in and see her” Lauren said as she nudged William forward.

William opened the door, and there, lying on the floor, half on her bed and half off of it (which is how she had always laid down ever since he bought the damn thing), was Chelsea. Her eyes opened slowly, and as she saw her best friend standing there, her tail began to wag. She grunted and groaned, just a bit, to let him know she wanted some attention.

“Her legs gave out on her earlier this morning, she just hasn’t been able to get up” Lauren explained. “But she’s been eating small bits of food and drinking a little bit of water, so I figured she would be fine to make it until you got home.”

William wandered over and laid down beside Chelsea, petting her head, scratching her ears, and rubbing her stomach, in that order, as she always expected. Without a sound, Lauren crept up behind William and left a jar of peanut butter, some cookies, a bowl of ice cream, and some berries, tapping William on the shoulder to let him know they were there. He knew why she had brought them over. These were some of Chelsea’s favourite people treats, and if today was going to be her last, she was going to get to have as much as she wanted.

William laid on the floor for an hour or so, stroking the soft, and still jet black, fur on Chelsea’s head, while offering, and also eating some of their snacks. He stared into her brown eyes and talked to her, because despite what anyone in the scientific community would say, Chelsea definitely understood William when he spoke. He thanked her for saving him from that real burglar, as well as all of the imaginary ones, and the animals who lurked around their property throughout the year. He thanked her for being there for him through his painful break ups, the loss of his father, and his career re-start that almost bankrupted him. He thanked her for never caring about how they looked when they went for walks (which sometimes wasn’t so great…. stained pajamas), and for not being too upset about being left at home all day when he went to work, or occasional events on weekends. Finally, he thanked her for changing him, giving him a new outlook on life, and ensuring that he would live a much longer, healthier one than he would have without her.

She was his revolution. Both personal, and emotional, and she gave him every ounce of her spirit, strength and love, right up until that moment. So it was his turn to be strong for her, and to do something that would crush him, he had to release her.

When he was done saying thank you, William wandered out to his car and opened up the back door. He put a bunch of blankets on the back seat to make a comfortable bed for Chelsea, and then went back into the house to get her, for the last time. William bent down, and with a grunt to match the one she made as he scooped her up, stood, and carried her out to the car.

As he drove towards the veterinary hospital, William wondered about what Chelsea was thinking. What was she feeling?

He liked to think that she was just happy to be back in the car one more time. It felt like the beginning of all of those wonderful road trips they had taken together heading north.

He wished that their drive could be a longer one, like the ones on those trips.

He wished that he could take her back to the Peninsula, to the escarpment, to the place that they had discovered their love of hiking together.

He wished he could drive her farther, and that the driving would keep her alive, or that it would even heal her somehow…. But he reminded himself that he was an adult in the real world, and that this was not how things worked.

As he parked the car and got out, he stood beside the open back door for a long time, stroking Chelsea’s ears and looking down at her in the back seat. In her head, she was still a puppy. She wanted to run and play and tackle him and chase other animals, but her body didn’t want to anymore. She didn’t know that, but William did.

So William picked Chelsea up one last time, wrapped in her blankets from the back seat, and carried her towards the front door of the veterinary clinic. As he approached the door, a nurse opened it for him, and with a somber smile, welcomed him into the office. As he entered, he leaned in close and whispered to his best friend…..

“I love you more than anything in this world Chelsea. I always will.”
 And the door closed behind them.