Charlotte

Charlotte felt golden inside. But everything she touched turned to ash. For years, despite the golden thread glowing in her heart, everything in her life seemed to crumble. As she walked through her experiences, it was as if she could see even the flowers that grew for her so happily for a time, just suddenly wither and disintegrate in front of her eyes. It didn’t make any sense; to how she felt in her heart and the Love that had been put there by her Grandparents during her early years. They said she was special but if that was true, why did she only seem to find curses all around her? She found herself surrounded by people who said all the right things and because she was pure of heart, she opened to them willingly. She knew Love is the greatest gift and force in the universe, and was so happy to share that with others. But as she got older and found that people lie and hurt and hit and do the most atrocious things all while saying they Love you, that maybe she was wrong all this time. Charlotte only ever wanted to be seen and Loved and give the same in return. It was the purest form of Love. No demands. Just Love. And sharing such beauty with each other.

But other people’s behavior slowly crept in and convinced her that maybe she was a monster. After all, her very touch seemed to make things crumble and bring out the worst in everyone around her. Over time, she believed she was Darkness and the golden thread glowed less and less. She believed she was only good for Death and even though she felt like a monster in the eyes of others, somehow she found a way to love Death. She saw Death as a beautiful woman, gentle and glowing with light and surrounded by white flowers. She left Death many gifts and spoke with her often. They grew a very special friendship over the years and even though Charlotte felt invisible or feared or even something repulsive in the world where she lived, she could always find a friend in Death and the other invisibles Death brought in for her to meet. She worried that maybe she was going insane a few times, but her strong logical mind told her that if she wasn’t hurting anyone, it didn’t matter. She only ever wanted to tell the truth.

As she got older, Death told her many stories of people with magical powers but not the kind that are celebrated, except by those with eyes to see, which are few and far between. Death showed Charlotte how some magic is meant to be a mirror to show people their shadows. Not to scare them, but to sing a special golden song, coaxing the darkness and shame out of hiding so people could heal. But this kind of healing made their lives crumble as most had built on false foundations, so like Death, Charlotte was not loved but feared, despite how kind she tried to be. It hurt her golden heart. All she ever wanted was to be seen and cherished. And so she walked the world with a huge open wound that was very painful. Still, Death was always there, stroking her hair while she slept and sending her music and other signs that told Charlotte how much she was loved by so many she couldn’t see.

Despite her confusion and feeling like she was damned and wanted to leave this world, the golden thread kept her connected to Love. It could not be destroyed. It always finds a way. And while it did not make Charlotte beloved on the earth plane, it guided her exactly where she needed to be but also through many terrifying encounters and shattering of people who have been running around hurting others. She traveled along electrical currents while sleeping, visiting other people in dreams and showing them their magic. She also traveled to many places in dreams that revealed the real monsters and pulled all the darkness into her body to turn it back to light. People she told about her dreams would often say, “Oh that’s just your brain processing your day,” or other such nonsense. Charlotte was never sure if maybe they were right and decided to just hide herself away and stop sharing her heart with anyone. It hurt too much to be so unseen, much less told her magic wasn’t real. That was all she had left. So she decided to send her Love inside.

When Charlotte was alone, she felt so magical and beautiful. She grew stronger in her understanding of her power and decided that if this was what she was, that she would be fully herself no matter what. Maybe she would never find Love or acceptance in this world, but her invisible friends, the Planets, the Stars and the Spirits were always there cheering her on. Death did send her a few others on the Earth plane over the years that believed her, but by then, her heart had sustained too much damage to experience a strong bond or trust with another person. Still, these were loyal, faithful people that somehow saw her, even when she couldn’t see herself. It was a beautiful gift from Death.

Charlotte got very sick as she got older. Death told her that it tends to happen with other death-eaters. This world has very little information about this magic. But when the doctors found the tumors inside Charlotte and said they would try to remove them, Death had a talk with her.

“Little One, listen closely now. You have done so much and have been so faithful to your magic. And to me. Despite how you see yourself and how you despair, you have finished the work you came here for. You did what many said could not be done. Now you will sleep for a time and things will not make sense. You will lose your eyesight and any sense of who you are. It is your turn to go through my door, but there are surprises in store that you couldn’t have imagined. You ate so much death and the world will never know or thank you. But I thank you, as does the entire astral world. You do not remember, but that golden thread in your heart, that you’ve forgotten about, it is a thread given to you by Grandmother Spider Herself. The great Cosmic Spinner placed it in your heart before Time began and you wore so many faces in so many dimensions when you weren’t taking your rest in the Great Central Sun. And she is spinning a new story for you, made from the very ash and poison that has consumed your body, from the very beauty that you made with everything thrown at you. When you see the golden door, walk through it, Little One. Everything will be clear soon.”

Charlotte fell into a deep sleep when the Doctors gave her the mask full of medicine air. The cold metal table under her broken body faded quickly. She was vaguely aware of herself after that, but felt surrounded by a dark void, so black that you could see nothing except a subtle spinning force moving in on itself over and over. She felt legs clicking on what felt like a web. Each click bouncing her slightly. She felt her body being turned over and over, creating a vortex. She felt a soft, silky web being wrapped around her body and pointy legs making quick work of it all. Then she felt like she was in a womb. Sometimes electrical currents traveled up and down the threads. The clicking legs were very muted now, but even through the silky cocoon, she felt some movement. She couldn’t see anything and nothing made sense. She felt her body dissolving and pooling all around her. She was within and without somehow.

Charlotte didn’t know how much time had passed. She didn’t even know what Time was anymore. She had no sense of her own body now. There were moments of terror and moments of deep pain and moments of nothingness. For the first time in her life, Charlotte cried out loudly, allowing the grief and abuses she experienced to leave her body and heart. She heard the Spider’s voice encouraging her to be free and to let it all pass through. There was a freedom in expression that she had never felt outside of the cocoon. Before the cocoon, she kept everything in because when she let it out, she had gotten mistreated, so she could never let it out. Her own magic had made her feel unsafe. That is the way with those with golden hearts. They end up taking on everyone else’s hatred of themselves, turning it inward and after a while, it becomes impossible to transmute it all without a passage through Death’s door.

At some point during her time in the cocoon, she felt the massive Spider click up to her. In her mind, Charlotte could hear the Grandmother speaking to her. She thought she was making it up but again, her strong logical mind reminded her that she had never made these things up, she was too literal and practical about everything. Lots of things were unseen but also real. Why was this any different?

“Dearheart. It is almost time to wake. There is a part of you that has still been in that world, doing the best it could recovering your body while you were here. You will find your old life almost completely gone, except for those things you will take with you next. The Divine intervened on your behalf and cleared out the remnants of the old blueprint. It will not make sense, as this is not something that is done very often. You are Myth reborn. You are new and rare. You are unique. You are an alchemist and instead of passing through Death’s door and into a new body and life, we are making a way for rebirth into the current life in an unexpected way. You are transforming into Magic itself. It is the impossible made possible!” Grandmother Spider laughed and it was like a starsong vibrating through each silk thread around Charlotte’s body.

“I will now show you some glimpses of your new life. You might recognize some of them as dreams from when you were very small! You always knew.” There was something in the Spider’s voice that made Charlotte feel cold and hot and alive all at the same time. Like dominos falling in a line down her arms and legs, if she could feel them in this cocoon.

“But remember, there will be challenges as the people there that you know from before will not know you have transformed, at least not at first. But you will not mind so much because when you see the gifts we are giving you, your golden heart will be so full of joy. Love will be your new foundation, not some ghost of an idea you question the reality of constantly. You are immensely loved and your heart will become a golden door, touching everyone you come in contact with. No more Death magic. Now you will radiate Love and Joy with the energies you transmuted into gold during your life.”

Then in the darkness, Charlotte’s inner vision exploded with colors she had never seen. She saw flashes of herself in a life she did recognize but never allowed herself to believe was possible. She felt the happiness that flooded her entire body and how it flowed like a river into every energy field around her. She saw an ignition occur like a million lights sparking to life across a map. A great match had been dragged across a stone and burst into flame, shattering the stone. Pain and sorrow melted away and a great healing occurred. But most of all, Charlotte was touched deeply by how she could feel Love again. The poison had taken over every part of her at the end and enveloped her entire essence.

She felt the electricity first. It built up very quickly, feeling like a wave of desire but almost too intense to enjoy. Her essence began to vibrate and the thread connecting her to her body back on earth snapped taut and pulled her in like a fishing line. She felt she had turned into Eros Herself. The next thought she had was of being pushed through a space too small for the entirety of her. Like a flower in perpetual bloom, swollen with bliss and rapture. But instead of a hospital room full of Doctors like she expected, she hovered over her body in her old bedroom for a beat and then whooshed in like into a vacuum tube that had been suddenly cleared of a massive clog, pulling her in and merging, and beginning the process of unfurling her new parts. Just like a caterpillar is the same creature in essence as a butterfly, but totally transformed, so was Charlotte and this was just the beginning. She felt her old parts, but as a diamond that had been covered in old dark soil and was scrubbed clean. Everything she learned before was at her disposal if she needed it. It was no longer a weight she carried but the foundation of her, grounding her energy deep into the earth.

Death was not there, but there was a Lion. Great and golden and very familiar. He brought her a white rose and laid it next to her on the bed.

“Happy Birthday, Beloved,” he said softly. “You did it. I never doubted for a moment. I’ve been with you the whole time. Do you remember your true name?”

“I am Persephone,” she said, not sure where that came from but it was known deep in her bones. Just as she immediately knew this giant beast standing next to her bed.

“Yes, my love. You are remembering,” the Lion growled one of those low but powerful rumbles.

Persephone looked into his golden eyes, feeling weak and exhausted from the process and stretching her new legs a bit. “Have I finally gone insane?”

The Lion smiled, “Would it matter if you had? Do you have an agenda to control others or plans to hurt another?”

She laughed loudly and it was like a massive flock of birds fluttering up into the sky suddenly in total freedom. “Good point.” A deep release of old beliefs and worries were gone in the space of a heartbeat.

The Lion roared, shaking the very foundation of the earth beneath the old house and making Persephone’s newly white hair stand on end like a million fluid antennae that resembled a very tall, spiky crown full of fireflies. She stood up and behind her, large black wings that shone like a starry night slowly unfurled, almost knocking the lamp off the end table. Her skin glowed golden and her breasts hung heavy with desire. She lifted her arms and stretched, yawning widely and when she did, two long fangs grew in on either side of her top teeth. She touched them with her long fingers, feeling her pulse beating a new rhythm, more fitting to her new form.

As if reading her mind, the Lion laughed, “Don’t worry. You won’t have to walk around like this all the time. You can take whatever shape you need in order to be among the humans. You can create whatever you desire. It is safe to be who you are.”

After another moment, Persephone took a deep breath. Then she smiled with mischief in her new golden eyes as her mind flooded with possibility, and said, “Right. Let’s get started and have some fun.”