Broken Hearts

I walk in the sunset. It is a burnt red; almost as burnt as my shattered and burning heart. I step on the dead branches below me, and I smell the fire in the air. The wind blows, it is summer, but I feel the chill like winter. I reach the beach and I sit and try to breathe while taking in the beauty of the sea, but today, the sea is black and angry. Its waves thrashed angrily, thundering loudly.

I think about the last week with sadness.

I had an argument with my Mum and my husband. I had a fight with a friend, and my daughter had a fight with her ex.

Nobody is talking to each other.

It starts to rain, but I cannot feel it.

How I wish my dad was here; he'd know what to do.

A child cries because he can no longer play on the beach, and the mother screams at him. To my left, a man is arguing with his girlfriend because she had an affair. The rain pounds heavier, then suddenly I get a call.

"Hi, Jenny it's me," My sister tells me in between sobs.

"Mum has passed away," she tells me quietly.

Suddenly lightning strikes and it becomes really dark. The clouds are angry, and a heavy, loud rumble of thunder roars above my head.

I cry like there is no tomorrow.

I can't say sorry to my Mum, and I can't turn back time.

It takes over three hours for the storm to stop, and I can feel a storm brewing in my mind.

People leave broken hearts everywhere, and I see the pain.

Only, I never stopped to see my Mum's pain, and now, it is too late.

The funeral takes place on Thursday morning, and I turn up dressed in blue. My sister broke the tradition of black because blue was Mum's favorite color. On that morning, the sky was blacker, and everything seemed duller than normal. When the time for me to say goodbye came, I placed a red rose on my mum's coffin, and I said,

"I'm sorry Mum. Sorry for arguing and never talking again, sorry for the pain and the mess I put you through, and sorry because I can't tell you in person. I love you Mum, but I won't say goodbye; I'm not ready."

The grief that I felt after the funeral was painful for many years, and I still can't forgive myself today.

Broken hearts are everywhere. Every day, somebody hurts someone they love and they never stop to think about the consequences until it is too late.

I took counseling for the grief, and I made amends with my sister. My daughter has children, but her ex who is the children's father never treated them right, so my daughter left him and I promised to never give up on them.

I see the pain and the mess that people leave behind in this world. While there are some things that can't be forgiven; my Mum's death taught me to never let anyone go out without healing. Today I love with all my heart, help others, try to be more understanding, and forgive wherever I can.

There will always be pain and mess in this world, and humans leave millions of broken heart legacies behind them.

However, I learned that a healing hand can make the world a better place, and if I can heal just one relationship or friendship in my life; then myself and the people I love won't die in pain and anger.

The world is messy enough, so wherever you can, try to heal those that you love rather than hurt them, before it is too late.