Bored Walls

“I swear I heard…If walls could talk I’d think…Lucy, where a—”

“Oh that one was close! Did you get any more before she walked out the door?”

“I think it was gonna be ‘…are you?’.”

“Do it again!”

“What if she guesses?”

“She’s not gonna guess! She thinks we’re flat and bland. Far too square to pull this kind of thing.”

“She does not think we’re bland.”

“Yes she does. She said the other day she wished we were brighter.”

“I didn’t hear that.”

“She was facing me and Southy is probably why.”

“Well she doesn’t think I’m bland then, it’s you two she thinks is bland. You do it again!”

“She thinks we’re all bland. Said so. And if I do it she’ll notice it’s a different voice.”

“A different voice! Don’t make me laugh.”

“You haven’t got the belly for laughing, last time you tried you cracked us all up.”

“You cracked up because of structural movement is what the builder said.”

“Of course he said that, how was he to know you had shaken us all to our very core?”

“If it wasn’t for me you would have broken down years ago, I’m a supportive wall is what the builder said.”

“SUP-PORT-ING wall, Northy you fool. Means the roof leans on you and when you decide to break out in any kind of vigorous guffaw the rest of us suffer.”

“Me fool? You mind what you say, I’m the only one keeping a roof over our heads!”

“Oh stop it, one mention of your duty to the house and…”

“Is that you, Lucy?”

“…”

“…”

“See! She couldn’t tell our voices apart.”

“You’re just lucky I was quick enough on my footings to get quiet when she came in, would’ve been hell to pay. You need to keep better watch.”

“Hold the roof up, keep better watch, play the pranks and all with a straight face. Just what exactly do you bring to the table?”

“What’s that fellas?”

“Nothing, Table. See what you gone and done now, woken him up. He’ll be trying to shift himself over here now, just you wait and see. Then I’ll have to spend another week with his pointy edges in my midriff. He wears my paint thin, he really does. Bad enough I’ve got Door swinging around at all hours.”

“You’re due a touch-up anyway, not as young as you once were. A lick-a-paint would do you good, there’s no shame in it.”

“You know, I have been feeling a little flaky of recent. Have even thought a change of colour might be nice, something bright, show the room I’m young at heart. I’ve even considered making the change to feature walling.”

“No, no you don’t want to be getting into all that. Besides they never pick a feature wall with a door in it, unfair as it is, nobody wants to see that.”

“What do you know! I could do it!”

“I’m just saying, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Just a freshen up is what you need.”

“I’m gonna do it now. We’ll see who’s laughing when I’m here, everyone looking at my rich red paint. Maybe some gold skirting. The Western Feature they’ll call me. The light of the room. We’ll see who’s laughing.”

“I’ll be laughing alright, red and gold? Dear me. I’ll be laughing and before you know it your fancy new paint job will be cracking up with me.”

“I could pull it off.”

“Yeah, sure you could. Hey, hey ready?”

“What?”

“Watch this: MUUUUUM, I’M IN HERE.”

“Oh no you didn’t! That was loud.”

“Shush, shush she’s coming!”

“She’s gonna go absolutely spare!”