Boomerang of Happiness - 5

Walking home from the dinner, Alex suddenly realized that it was not about his Party membership. Especially because the issue had never came up. Anna's father did not even ask if Alex wanted to join the Party. But his last question made Alex think about his relationship with Anna. Suddenly, it dawned on him that Anna's parents considered Alex their daughter's potential suitor and the realization scared him. He still could not imagine himself dating anyone, but with the knowledge that Anna may want more from their relationship he felt he could not continue seeing her any more. Because it would be equal to knowingly deceiving her, giving her false hope.

Alex did not know what to do and took the easiest way out: next morning at work he requested several days off. Without telling anyone except his immediate boss, Alex went to see his older brother in Tomsk, another major industrial city in Siberia. His brother Andrey was well settled in Tomsk as a programmer, married to a wise and kind woman named Nina, and they had two great sons, 7 and 5 years old. Alex hoped together Andrey and Nina would help him sort out his life and advise him what to do.

When Anna didn't see Alex at lunch that day, she panicked. She went to his office and found out about Alex's sudden request for a short leave. Anna's gut told her this was not a good sign but because she could not do anything about the situation (even though she briefly considered finding out where Alex's brother lived and going there), she decided to wait and see what happens next. Anna's mother also thought that Alex’s sudden departure was a bad sign and looking at her distressed daughter, she wished her husband had never asked Alex that wretched question.

Alex, on the other hand, was glad he took the trip. The change of environment helped him put his thoughts together, and it was nice to see the people he loved and who loved him back unconditionally. Andrey was only eighteen months older than Alex, and they were very close growing up, almost like twins. Both Andrey and Nina were clearly surprised to see Alex, because he hadn’t told them he was coming. On the first day, he didn’t tell them anything, just said he needed to talk but not immediately. He caught up on their news and played with the boys in the evening and was completely happy. Andrey and Nina could see something was bothering Alex but decided not to rush him.

On the second evening, when they sat down for tea after putting the boys to bed, Alex told Andrey and Nina about Anna and how they had been spending time together. And everything about that family dinner. When he finally stopped laying out all details, Andrey said gloomily, “You’ve got yourself into a pickle here, little brother.”

“Why do you think so?” Alex asked, not surprised, just wanting his brother’s perspective.

“Well, does Anna know about Irina?” his brother asked.

“No, I don’t think so. There are some rumors at the station, I’m sure, but we never talked about it.”

“Did you ever tell Anna you were not ready to date?” asked Nina, in her mildly serious tone of a high school teacher. In real life, she taught math to 8-10th graders.

“Of course not! I only thought of her as a friend. Never in my life did I suspect she had a romantic interest in me. Although, looking back at it now, I have to admit that I just didn’t pay attention, was blind to the obvious signs.”

“So, what are you going to do? You will have to go back there and face her,” Andrey said.

“That’s exactly why I ran away and came here. Facing her is what I am afraid of the most… I could ask for a quick transfer,” Alex grasped at the straw of sudden a idea, as if it just came to him. “I’ve been told that my next post would be in Tajikistan in six months, I could ask for an immediate transfer.”

“But that would be cowardly and unfair to Anna,” Nina said straightforwardly. “You will break her heart. Do you think she loves you?”

“I am not sure. Maybe. Maybe not. She obviously likes spending time with me. And she is at the age when a woman really wants to get married. Perhaps she thinks of me as her last chance.”

“Well, let’s look at it from your end then,” Nina continued. “Do you think you could ever fall in love with Anna?”

“No, for sure not,” Alex said firmly. “But it’s not really about Anna. I will never be able to love anyone again. My one and only true love is gone…” Alex didn’t utter his last thought, “And it’s all my fault.”

“Never say never,” Nina said. “Who knows, perhaps you will be able to love again, when enough time passes…”

Back in Kazakhstan, immediately after the accident, Alex heard those truisms from so many well-meaning people he started to brush them off, sometimes rudely and abruptly. But truisms are not brushed off that easily when they come from the people you love, whose opinion you respect.

“It’s been almost three years,” Alex reminded her. “And it still hurts like yesterday.”

“I will probably never be able to understand what you are going through because the one I love is here with me,” Nina said empathetically, striking Alex’s shoulder and giving a long loving look to Andrey. “But think about it this way: Do you want to spend the rest of your life grieving and alone?”

Alex was obviously shocked by that simple and honest question. He never thought about it that way. After a long pause, he said, “I don’t think so. One day, I would like to have a family and kids. I just never thought it would be with anyone but Irina. Still can’t imagine that.”

“Well, then… that’s what you need to think about: Can you see yourself married to Anna? Spending your life with her? Having kids together? Perhaps not right now, but in some not-so-distant future?” Nina continued to press gently.

“I don’t know,” Alex responded.

“Well, you need to think about it long and hard,” said Andrey. “Because you know, you are not getting any younger, little brother. We would all want, especially Mom and Dad, to see you happily married, with kids and all... Lyova is getting married, by the way. To a beautiful young woman, whose name is also Anna.”

The news of his brother Leo (Lyova was his loving family nickname) getting married was a shock to Alex. Even though Lyova was his six years junior, for Alex he was the dearest of all his siblings as he had to take care of him as an older brother when growing up. He felt left out, not learning the news from Leo himself.

“When? He didn’t tell me anything.”

“He was going to, but didn’t know how to break his happy news to you, given your situation. The wedding is at the end of July, at our parents’ in Alma-Ata. Leo’s bride has no immediate family, her parents died in a train crash when she was little. As Anna was the only child, and her grandparents who brought her up are already dead, no one from her side will be coming. Will you be able to come?”

“What kind of a question is that? Of course I’ll come. Can we call Lyova from here, together? I’d like to talk with him.”

“Sure we can. We’d be happy to. We just need to place an order for a long-distance call.”

Leo was finishing his residency as an industrial design engineer in a small city near Moscow and was planning to stay there. That was where he met his bride Anna, a medical doctor at a large construction equipment plant where Leo worked. When the long-distance call finally came through, Leo was happy and excited to hear them all. Alex talked with him for about fifteen minutes, catching up and congratulating him on the wedding.

“Will you come to my wedding?” Leo finally asked, holding his breath.

“Of course I will. Why do you even have to ask?”

“Well, I don’t know,” Leo hesitated on the other end to tell him the truth, that they honestly didn’t know how Alex would take their happy news, given that he had been engaged to Irina and his own scheduled wedding never happened. “I thought you’d be tied up at work, being such a high-velocity star of the Soviet telecommunications industry.”

“For this, I’ll take several days off,” Alex laughed. “My little brother getting married – what can be more important? I am so happy for you, Lyova!”

He really was. When they finished the call, everyone felt relieved and glad that this little family reunion on the phone reconnected them. Next day, Alex thanked Andrey and Nina for helping him out and headed back to the station. He didn’t know yet what he was going to do, but having their take on his situation helped enormously. Or at least he thought so.

To Part 6

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