BLESS(art6)

11

Chen Yuan's narration (5) --

Remember what I said at the beginning?

I said, I studied psychology, too, and real psychology is not as useless as this.

In ninth grade, I studied psychology at Dr. Yang's clinic and applied it to myself. I kept examining my heart, and finally found that Zhou Hongxing was my heart knot.

As long as I get rid of Zhou Hongxing, I can relieve the pain of my childhood.

But people at each stage will produce new pain, many things are passed that period, until many years later, will suddenly understand.

I can think about the past, but I can't think about the present, because I'm still in it.

Early in high school, my relationship with my mother was on ice after a failed run away from home.

During that time, whenever I had free time, I would go to the clinic to study with Dr. Yang, or go to the orphanage with A Yuan, in short, I did not want to go home.

I avoided my mother as much as I could, not wanting to see her.

Those in the know know better than those in the know. I always thought I hated my mother, but A Yuan saw through my reasons at a glance.

Yuan asked me why I only told my father about my childhood sexual abuse, but not my mother.

I didn't answer.

A Yuan asked again, before I ran away from home at the age of 16, I made sufficient preparations, so I successfully reached another province and city in three days, more than 200 kilometers from Xishan County. Under those conditions, it was hard for the police to find me, but why was I arrested after only three days away?

I still didn't answer.

The answer to both questions is actually the same, but I don't want to admit it.

-- Because the mother will be sad.

So I finally figured out the dilemma.

Why am I still miserable after sorting out my childhood trauma, when I could have walked away at 16 and avenged myself instead of going on to high school, and why am I stuck with my mother and miserable?

Because Zhou Hongxing is my heart knot, mother is also.

Once I had a happy family, once I was a good boy.

But on the day of the second grade, I stopped growing and began to rot, my father gave up on me, but my mother refused to let go.

I'm going down a different path than my mother, and I'm going through hell, and she's pulling me into her path like a virgin. She spent half her life on me just to get me back on track.

I tried to live a normal life for her, I studied hard, was admitted to the key junior high school, and was admitted to the key high school.

But I just can't do it anymore. I can't live a normal life anymore.

On my 16th birthday, I finally got up the courage to say goodbye to my mother.

I told her there was nothing I could do and hoped she would understand and let me go. I'm 16 years old, and I can take full criminal responsibility on my own, and I work alone, without implicating her.

But she cried and said, how can you do this to your mother, how can you not think for your mother, mother gave birth to you and raised you, really not easy ah...

The farther away I went from home, the more I realized that the so-called involvement was far from as simple as assigning responsibility under criminal law.

A bond with a mother is not easily broken, not at 16, not even at 18.

The day I was brought back by the police, my mother held me and cried all night.

I didn't shed a tear. But I told her that I gave up and that I would be a good man and stay with her forever.

And my mother believed me. She was reassured by my oath and never spoke of it again.

I went on to high school, she went on to work. She believed that I would never leave again, unconditionally.

The power of trust, when really very powerful.

As I said before, an important prerequisite for successful hypnosis is trust.

The reason I can't get hypnotherapy is because I can't trust Dr. Yang. Even though Dr. Yang taught me psychology so well and taught me his mantle, I couldn't trust him.

But Dr. Yang's hypnotherapy is not entirely useless.

What does it mean for my mother to trust me unconditionally?

Which means I can be her therapist.

I can give her mental cues day by day, gradually changing her subconscious.

Yuan from the orphanage was my age and height.

I envy A Yuan is an orphan, A Yuan envy I have a mother. Our desires coincide so well that I am tempted to embark on a bold experiment.

Yuan is naturally on the fat side, I am naturally on the thin side. Yuan began to lose weight, I tried to eat more. I often casually say to my mother, Mom, I seem to be getting fat.

Yuan had a scar on his neck, and I also had scars on my arms and legs. Yuan hurt his arms and legs, and I hurt my neck. I told my mother that it was cut by a tree branch while walking.

A source found a small clinic to cut the double eyelid, I cut my hair into a board inch, shave the hairline high.

I taught A Yuan high school knowledge, A Yuan learned my tone of speech and living habits.

I talked about the distant past, when the three of us went to the park when I was a child, what good friends I had when I was a child, I told Yuan all the good memories, did not tell him how many bad things I did, did not tell him how his mother took me around, crying for me and sighing, because the painful memories mother will not mention.

A Yuan replaced the photos in the orphanage file. I also burned most of the photo albums, leaving only a few childhood photos that looked like A Yuan from some angles, and often showed them to my mother.

But I still don't feel safe enough.

Dr. Yang gave me a drug called chlorpromazine, which has a lot of side effects, and it tends to make people dull, sleepy, and cognitive impairment.

I didn't take them once, but I crushed the pills and mixed them into my mother's drinking water in low doses every day to confuse her.

It was crazy, but I couldn't help it. My mother and I were desperate.

In short, I kept giving my mother psychological hints in my daily life, so that she gradually blurred her subconscious impression of me and gradually got used to my changes.

Yuan and I mimicked each other, getting closer and closer, and we alternately appeared in front of our mother until she no longer had doubts.

I spent my entire high school time giving my mother a three-year-long hypnosis, teaching her to think of A Yuan as me.

The final college entrance examination or I went to the exam, I played very well. The day after the results came out, it was my 19th birthday.

That night Mother bought cakes, cooked a big table, and drank a lot of wine. Just like three years ago.

I made my wish and blew out the candles.

Mother asked me what I wished for, and I said it was for you.

She was very happy and said that her son was promising and would follow me for a good life in the future, wasn't it, son?

I said, yeah, Mom.

The mother smiled contentedly and fell asleep on the table.

I looked at her face for a long, long time before I got up to leave.

On the night of my 19th birthday, I grew up, became a man, left home, went out into the night, and never looked back.

Unlike three years ago, I left home with nothing. In the end, Yuan took the admission letter for me.

I gave my name He Wenxi to A Yuan, and A Yuan gave me his name Chen Yuan.

I filled out the volunteer in the province, will not have the intersection with classmates; He can leave the orphanage when he's an adult and never have to go back.

In order to minimize the impact on him, I used burns and knife wounds to deface him. He was the only one who ever lived.

In the years that followed, we kept in tenuous contact. I knew that he was doing well with his mother, that he had enrolled in the medical university I had chosen, that he had become a doctor, that he had settled in a livable city, and that the next step was to marry and have children together. The future will turn out the way mother wants it to.

And I can walk to my destiny without a tie.

It's a wonderful feeling, isn't it? It's like bringing two parallel worlds together.

I'm not looking at a case. I'm looking at a son's life.

To give that mother a son worthy of her life is my deepest blessing to her.

12

"To get back to the question, why didn't I give a real motive in court?" Chen Yuan explained, "Because He Wenxi was sexually assaulted, I Chen Yuan and Zhou Hongxing have no hatred, naturally can only find a reason to fool the past, otherwise it will be contradictory with the resume."

"I was ready to die a year ago. Who knows, Hovensch hired a highly experienced lawyer to defend me and won a stay of death."

"A suspended death sentence is also very good, usually through correspondence, you can also know the mother's recent situation, as long as the mother does not find out. My only lust for the world is this thing, had it not been discovered by his wife some time ago, I would not have made such a decision.

After telling the story, I still didn't come back to my mind.

Chen Yuan looked at the time.

"It's almost time for me to hit the road." He rose calmly.

'But is it really the case? I asked quickly, "Is it true what you just said?"

"Bring Chen Yuan out!" The colleague outside the door shouted, "It's time, ready to identify yourself!"

Chen Yuan said: "It is not important whether it is true or false. Why did you say it before execution? It is because it is not important now.

Two marshals took Chen Yuan away.

I sat there for a moment and chased him out.

It was still light at the end of the dark corridor. The heavy, slow clanking of the shackles grew farther and farther.

"Wait a minute --" I shouted, about to give chase.

One of them patted me on the shoulder.

"Xiao Lu, what are you doing?"

I was surprised, looking back is my predecessor. He'll be in charge of identifying himself later.

I quickly pulled the elder, incoherently retold Chen Yuan's things, too anxious, so that the preamble did not match the words.

The elder was silent for a moment, and I was silenced by two words: "Did he commit the crime? Did he kill the two people?"

"Yes." The senior asked himself and answered, "I don't know what he used to call, he is now called Chen Yuan, and the file is also Chen Yuan. Whether he took the initiative to exchange his name with someone, or the college entrance examination was impostor, whatever the reason, the crime is indeed he committed. Then the identification of the body will have a problem? No. What impact on the result? No. He is making up a story, don't think too much about it, you are still too young to believe such a strange story, Xiao Lu. Let's go."

After listening to the words of my predecessors, I gradually calmed down, shook my head, and slowly followed up.

Identification, delivery and execution, all according to procedure.

Early in the morning, the sun had not yet risen, and the whole execution site was shrouded in a faint blue morning light. The mountain wind was wet and cold with mist.

I shuddered, only to realize that I followed the execution site, this is my first time to the execution site.

And this scene is very similar to Chen Yuan's description.

Whether the story Chen Yuan tells is true or false, it will not affect his ending.

- But is his story true or false?