Beyond Infinity

The outside world was unknown to her, but she could see a glimpse of it through the window in his room.

Tawna sneered as she watched them, out there, those soulless drones, marching, by ones and by twos, some in small groups with a false sense of purpose. They wore grins, blank but wide - the smiling mask, the hallmark of the unenlightened, the unintelligent, the unevolved.

"Just look at them, Dad," she spat, her voice dripping with a mix of hateful pity and derision. "I can't stand the smiling masses!"

"Then get away from my window," he teased. He gently grabbed his daughter's arm and led her toward the front of his desk. "There's nothing for you out there," he said flatly, "I know, I've been out there."

Out there. His words stung like acid, sharp, dangerous, deadly.

Tawna shuffled around the desk and straightened her dark blue trousers. She readjusted her shirt, the exact same colour, tucking it in a little tighter. It was the last time she'd wear these clothes. Tomorrow she turned 16 and would be given the khaki pants and shirt that represented the uniform of a full-fledged, adult member of Infinity 8.

"What was it like, Dad?" she asked, "out there." She stretched her neck to see over her father's shoulder.

He reached back and pulled the blind down, He shook his head solemnly and ran his hand over his slick dark hair, saying nothing. It was as if he was giving careful consideration to the question.

He was Dad to her, but he was Mr. Chairman, Enlightened One, or more informally The Big E to the 888 members of the Infinity 8 Collective that lived inside the community and countless others, out there who followed his teachings without the benefit of full membership.

The Big E was once out there and known as Chadwick James Stevenson, Chartered Accountant. His work, he explained was dull and dreary and his life was empty and without purpose.

His search for meaning eventually led him to the study of ancient mysticism and folklore and a fascination with the number 8. Not only was it a satisfyingly even number, but it was also almost universally symbolic of prosperity and success.

Infinity 8 was born out of this fascination.

He went on, telling her how he founded Infinity 8 during a turbulent time in the world's history that Tawna already knew from her studies at the Infinity Academy as the Darkest Ages. It was a time rife with immorality, raging wars, virulent viruses, and the near collapse of civilization itself. For an entire decade, from 2020 to 2030, life was ruled by poverty, fear, and despair while humankind unwittingly did its level best to destroy itself.

She reached up and tightened her regulation ponytail, dead centre in the top third of the back of her head, hanging no longer than shoulder length.

"Yes, Daddy, I know all that, but what was it really like?"

He stood up and smiled. "It was so bad that I had to build all this." He reached out his arm with a prideful flare.

"All this," she knew meant the community and everything and everyone in it.

On the site of a decommissioned military base, the members of Infinity 8 lived safely, securely, and in total enlightenment behind a 24-foot concrete block wall.

Inside the walls, members were housed in a series of small, neat, single-story bungalows, called units. Each unit was on an identically sized and manicured postage stamp lot.

They worked, played, and were educated in any number of ancillary buildings scattered throughout the compound.

The only building with more than one story was the Chairman's Residence, the home Tawna shared with her parents and little brother, J.C. It served as both a living and working space and towered proudly over the entire community with its 3 floors, a testament to the importance of it and its occupants.

The lower level was constructed in much the same way as the units with 3 bedrooms, a living room, kitchen, dining room, and bathing facilities. Most of the rooms had large windows that let in light and allowed for looking out into the community.

The second level was comprised exclusively of windowless offices. It was there that mid-level members of Infinity 8's bureaucratic apparatus worked on all matters pertaining to running and maintaining the compound and life within it. These officials were known as the Burgundies, named for the colour of their uniforms.

The third floor was locked at all times with access being granted only to Council of 8 members or those invited specifically by them. Each one had an office, windowless, but spacious and with more ornate furnishings and appointments. Except for one.

Occupying the northwest corner of the third floor was her father's office, the Chairman's Suite. It was huge, bright, and airy. And, it had a window. It wasn't very large, about the same size as the one in the kitchen downstairs, but it was unique in that by looking out that window, you could see over the wall and into the outer world.

Aside from her father, Tawna was the only person ever to be in that office and to see out that window, and only once before now. Not even her mother had been in there.

She was first invited in 2 years ago, on her 14th birthday. She remembered it like it was yesterday. A young khaki-clad man, named Jake approached her during outdoor recreation time and summoned her to what he called,"the Chairman's office." He said it with an air of importance that both annoyed and concerned her.

She couldn't think of anything she'd done wrong. And she really didn't like being ordered away from her game of kickball. But when the Big E calls, daughter or not, members must answer.

She obliged and allowed Jake to escort her home and upstairs to the landing of the third floor. He pressed the intercom and announced he'd retrieved Tawna as asked. A voice on the other side dismissed him, and within a few seconds, came to the door to usher her in. It was Dr. Miriam Walenski, one of the Council of 8 and Infinity 8's Chief Medical Officer.

She looked around, unimpressed. It looked just like the second floor as far as she could tell. She asked Dr. Walenski why she'd been summoned. She got no answer.

"Press this button," she ordered, pointing to a red buzzer adjacent to a mahogany door with a large golden plate that said Chairman's Suite. "He's expecting you."

Tawna did as she was told. She was met by her father and invited into the suite. It was then she saw it, the window. From her vantage point near the office door, the view didn't look all that impressive. It was the same blue sky and wispy white clouds she'd seen outside when she was unceremoniously dragged from her game.

The Big E invited her to sit down. She walked slowly, a sullen look on her face. She knew she should change her expression. Unhappiness or complaints, whether in word, deed, or expression, were severely punished within Infinity 8. The offense was officially called insubordination. Greeting the Chairman with such a face was ill-advised.

Greeting her father as his disgruntled daughter who had been cheated out of most of her outdoor rec time, however, was exactly what she figured he had coming.

"You want a white uniform to go with that scowl?" he asked, a slight fatherly smirk on his face defying his angry tone.

Tawna continued to pout, "Daaaaad!" she whined. "What do you want, I was busy!"

He pointed to a chair with his fat index finger, "Sit down, now!" he commanded. "Do not force me to make an example of you."

She started to say something. He cut her off. "You are no different than anyone else, I will put you in a white uniform and think no more about it if that attitude doesn't change here and now!"

Thoughts of wearing the white uniform for 30 days, as she went about her daily activities in the community, forbidden to speak to anyone, was horrifying! The shame of being held up to all as ungrateful was one she wasn't keen to bear. She quickly turned her frown upside down and into the expression of optimistic contentment that pleased her father.

"I apologize, Mr. Chairman, sir," she stammered, "That's won't be necessary. Thank you for ordering me to your presence, sir."

The Chairman nodded and relaxed his posture slightly. "I've called you here," he began, "because I've had a universal revelation."

Tawna's attention instantly shifted to her father's every word. Universal revelations were the sum and substance of Infinity 8. All of its doctrine, all of its teachings, and every single rule and regulation, big or small, from core beliefs to the colour of member uniforms began as universal revelations.

These revelations, as the name suggests, came exclusively to the Chairman from the universe, the vast and never-ending expanse of life and living. The source of the messages, the universe, wasn't a deity. The concept of a deity was unknown to Infinity 8 and indeed, religion and worship were strictly forbidden.

He was afflicted from time to time by these powerful messages from beyond. They both sickened and excited him. Sickened because they were so profound, so awe-inspiring and strong that they physically exhausted him for days afterward. They excited him because each one was an instruction toward a step in the collective's path to Total Enlightenment, the day Infinity 8 would emerge from behind its wall to assume control over a waiting world.

"Yes, Daddy," she leaned forward eagerly, "I'm sorry, I mean, Mr. Chairman, and..?"

She was anxious to have the revelation, for lack of a better word, revealed to her. Such a privilege was normally reserved strictly for Council of 8 members who would, in turn, pass them down to the second floor for dissemination and implementation.

"Daddy will do," he came around the desk toward her, "just this once. This universal revelation concerns you, my girl. That's why I called for you."

"Me?" Tawna could hardly believe her ears. What would something as important as a universal revelation ever have to do with her?

"Yes," he crouched down to meet her eyes. His smile faded and his face hardened with seriousness, " You. It has been revealed to me, just a while ago, that upon my passing, you are to be my successor and the new Chair of the Council.

The teenager shifted nervously in her seat and cast her eyes away from her father's gaze. He was big, larger than life itself, strong, healthy, and only 56 at the time. Discussing his death and what came after it was surely premature not to mention downright scary.

"Daddy," she continued to stare at his feet, "that's not for ages yet. Why are you telling me now?"

"It might be ages. It might be next week," he explained. "We can never know these things. But what we can do is prepare. That's why you're here, to begin that preparation."

He continued, telling her about the steps in her training to someday succeed him. First, there'd be advanced studies at the school's elite institute, a division of Infinite Academy to be created by the Council of 8 specifically for her and headed by the Big E himself.

Secondly, commencing the following Saturday, there'd be mandatory employment on holidays and weekends in various departments of the collective, starting with the store.

Tawna had already known a little about the store. It was where everyone in Infinity 8 got everything they needed.

Her mother, known as Mrs. E, was in charge of its operation. It was up to her, in consultation with the Council of 8, to distribute goods ranging from food to furniture to computers and vehicles to members.

Upon becoming a member of Infinity 8, all worldly goods had to be surrendered to the collective whole. Real estate was sold with the proceeds given over. Furnishings, vehicles, approved books, games, toys, and sundry items became the property of the group. Anything that was deemed unsuitable for the community was sold and converted to cash.

He smiled proudly as she recited her knowledge of the store and its operations to him. A smart young lady indeed.

"Yes, and you shall learn much more," he motioned for her to stand up, signaling the end of their meeting, "starting at 9 am sharp on Saturday."

Tawna eagerly agreed. She stood up and followed the Chairman around his desk, gazing out the window with him. It was then she realized it showed much more than the sky.

She looked down, down the 3 stories, down on the wall that secured their members and beyond it. Beyond the compound and to something else, buildings, some short, some tall, much taller than the Chairman's Residence. And people, so many of them, clad in every colour of the rainbow and then some, going goodness knows where to do goodness knows what.

Among it all were gawdy signs, flashing lights, and a gritty sort of clutter. A crowded feel, as if all the buildings and people were piled on top of each other, too close for comfort. It was a stark contrast to the well-spaced structures and fresh open green spaces she knew.

The sight was too much to bear. It snatched her breath from her chest and replaced it with a tingling panic. She turned away quickly and stepped back, trembling slightly.

Her father continued to look down and out at the outside world then turned his attention slowly, almost dramatically to Tawna. "I've allowed you, as my successor, to see what's out there," he began. "You must tell no one what you've witnessed."

Dumbfounded and still shaken she nodded. Why would she tell anyone? What would she tell anyone? The sight was too confusing, too disgustingly horrific to put into words.

She didn't understand how her father could go out there, every week to conduct group business and to meet with assoicate members of Infinity 8, those who followed the teaching but had not yet been invited to full membership.

As if reading her mind, he moved toward her and squeezed her shoulder, "I go to save our members from having to."

She remembered how proud she was of her father, the Chairman, that day. So brave. So selfless. He went out there, among the violent, the confused, the morally defective, to spread the truth, to bring healing and hope to those few of the smiling masses bright enough to receive it.

And she still was. Standing before him on the eve of her own full membership, she met the window again, this time as an adult, not a scared little girl. Yet she still felt a twinge of apprehensive distaste for what lay beyond it. That, and an ever-increasing, almost overwhelming curiosity.

She couldn't explain it. She just knew that she was terrified and intrigued at the same time. The outside world was beginning to consume her thoughts, a forbidden fruit, a sweet poison that she dared not taste, yet was powerless to resist. What did people do out there? What was it like to be so stupid, so completely bereft of enlightenment?

She secretly wondered if maybe there was a joy, a contentment in such ignorance. Knowing so much, knowing such universal truths as her father taught them was often daunting, exhausting even. What would it be like to shed that burden? What would it be like to have never known it?

"Thank you, sir," she switched her tone from inquisitive ingenue to the business at hand. "You asked to see me, Mr. Chairman, sir."

"I did indeed," he beamed at his protege. "Your work at the store is done. It's time for a new, more responsible job."

Tawna smiled excitedly. She'd been waiting for this day. She'd even dreamed about it. She was going to be assigned to work on The Farm, she just knew it!

The Farm was an 88-acre expanse of land just outside the city limits. It was owned by Infinity 8 and provided all the food consumed by its members. The Chairman himself, oversaw all its operations, employing non-members out in the real world to grow vegetables and fruit and to tend livestock.

He had, as Tawna learned in school, invented a special technology to extend the usually short growing season in the area, allowing the collective to enjoy things like tomatoes and lettuce almost year-round. It was called the greenhouse and its use was solely for the benefit of Infinity 8 members.

Nobody but her father ever went to The Farm. Nobody else had even seen it. But, as his eventual successor, she reasoned it made sense for her to have the opportunity. That and she'd get to see what was out there. Maybe she could even help her father bring the truth to more people.

She allowed herself to daydream about what it would be like while the Chairman continued praising her work at the store.

She thought about the possibilities, about being in charge of a bunch of people from out there. To talk to them, to hear them talk.

Maybe she'd get a chance to ask them a few questions, discreetly, of course. If her father caught her, she'd be in that white uniform for sure! But surely, there'd be times when he wasn't looking.

"Tawna!" a booming voice interrupted her thoughts, "Did you hear me?"

Yes," she shook her head and came back to reality, "I did good at the store, now you're assigning me to The Farm." She said it in such a matter-of-fact way as to indicate it was a foregone conclusion.

The Chairman laughed heartily, "The Farm?" He shook his head, "No, not The Farm. You're not ready for that. I have something else in mind..."

"But Dad..." she interjected.

"No buts," he replied, "you're not ready for what's out there."

Tawna continued to protest, her green eyes blazing with conviction. How could she ever take his place if she couldn't even go to The Farm? It was one of the most important places for the members of Infinity 8. It provided all their food and that food had been increasingly in short supply.

For months, her father brought back less and less to the store to distribute. Inventory had become so scarce that prioty items, meat, milk, eggs and the like were given out on a points system. Members with children had the most points and were given first priority, along with expectant families. Others were given what was left.

At first, it was only finer meats that seemed to be in particularly short supply. Steaks and turkeys all but disappeared and were replaced by ground meat and pork roasts. Even those weren't available to everyone on a regular basis.

Her father blamed it on the workers at first, their inefficiency in production. Later it was the bad air of the outside world caused by wide-reaching impurity of mind. It soured milk and poisoned meat.

"What the mind conceives, we become," he always said and if the outer world conceived poison, they created it.

Tawan hated the outside world for that. Yet, somehow, she still wanted to see it. To experience it. Maybe change it. Maybe they didn't know their minds were poison. How would they?

Sometime later, The Chairman had a Universal Revelation that dictated the eating of any animal products ran contrary to the dictates of Infinity 8.. There would be no more meat, fish, eggs or cheese brought into the compound. Those few that still had some on hand in their homes were ordered, on pain of inspection and possible sanction, to turn in to the store.

The initiative was officially called Life Cleansing. Another step toward Total Enlightenment.

No meat was ever seen in the compound after that. Well, mostly. Sometimes, when her father had one of his revelations, a thick striploin steak was conveniently on hand to give him the energy he needed to recover. And if it wasn't steak, it was a rack of lamb. Where these came from, Tawna didn't know. She figured it was a gift, a sort of token from the universe to compensate her father for the hardships he endured as the recipient of these messages.

Tawna watched her school friends and their families grow thinner and more tired. Their usual smiles faded into a sort of gritted teeth resolve. Even she had lost 5 pounds.

Yet the Chairman grew fatter. He was near on 350 pounds and full of energy. The other Council of 8 members seemed to be more rotund and vigorous as well.

"You're going to work at the Ministry of Integrity and Safety, manning the Information Hotline," he smiled widely as if he'd done something special.

The Information Hotline was Infinity 8's reporting system. When a member saw, heard, or learned of any activity contrary to the dictates of Infinity 8 or the Council of 8, they were encouraged to report it. A reward of merit points, which could be used at the store for additional goods and services was offered as an inducement.

But it didn't seem the inducement was necessary. Members were surprisingly keen to put others "on report," as they called it. They took pride in being good citizens. The Information Hotline had more calls than the current staff could handle.

Tawna rolled her eyes. Sitting at a computer with nothing to do but surf Infinity 8's intranet, waiting for calls from nosey old ladies and over-eager Burgundies seeking favour didn't sound like her idea of fun.

"Mr. Chairman...Dad..." she straightened herself, choosing her words and tone carefully, "Would I not serve better on The Farm, given..."

"No," his reply was sharp and short. The discussion was over. He stared at his daughter hard, then softening, said, "I have to run to The Farm soon myself. You start Friday at 6 pm on the Hotline."

Tawna left, knowing she was beaten. She sulked inwardly and trudged downstairs to her room. She had to study anyway.

She opened her books and tried to concentrate for a while, but couldn't. Her mind was on The Farm. It just didn't make sense to her. Her father had said she was chosen to be his successor. If something happened to him out there, in the world, she had no idea where The Farm was or how it worked. Surely that couldn't be good for anybody. Somebody needed to know how to get foodstuffs in.

That was something, she thought, that her father hadn't considered. She closed her books and went back to the third floor, hoping to catch him before he left. Maybe she could reason with him. A little excitement crept up within her.

The door to the Chairman's Suite was ajar, just. Tawna knocked. Nothing. She called out, "Mr. Chairman? Daddy?" Nothing. He was gone.

Her heart found its way into her throat. She knew she shouldn't do it, but she gently pushed the door open and walked in. She looked around.

She sat at his desk, just to see how it felt. She could feel the power almost vibrating from his leather chair. It was intoxicating!

She opened a drawer on his desk. Nothing much to see, pens, scraps of paper, an empty folder. She picked up some of the papers and looked them over.

One said Billy's Steakhouse and was time-stamped 07/12/48, a week prior, the day her father last went to The Farm. It had words and numbers printed on it. Beer, porterhouse, gratuity. She wasn't sure what they meant, but somehow, they felt important. And wrong.

She put the paper in her pocket and continued to examine other scraps. Most were random notes scribbled in the Chairman's handwriting. Then another, longer slip caught her interest. It was dated for the same day. Metro Cash and Carry was printed on top in large letters with a list of various food items and numbers underneath.

She read the list, her heart sinking, her hands trembling as it dawned on her that these were the exact items, in the exact quantities she and her mother had unloaded and arranged in the store. One hundred bags of apples, fifty mesh bags of beets, 60 bags of onions, the list went on and on.

How could that be? What was a cash and carry? What were these papers?

She placed the long slip in her pocket with the other one and stood up to leave. She turned and glanced out the window, not intentionally, almost instinctively.

There they were, all those mindless, smiling fools. Walking, sitting, eating, and drinking. How she hated them! But she also wanted to be there, among them, to learn about them, maybe help them. And that's when she saw it.

A shock of lavender, with jet-black hair, sitting, raising his hands to his face as if he were eating and drinking something. She couldn't see what, but she certainly could see who. Nobody but her father wore a lavender 3-piece suit.

Tawna wasn't sure what to make of it. He must have been meeting with associate members. She shrugged it off or tried to, but the uneasy feeling in her soul refused to rest. Something felt very wrong. She wasn't sure what. The papers, her father sitting down there, it all just felt off.

Friday evening, Tawna reported to the Information Hotline as required. It wasn't as bad as she'd thought it would be. In fact, it was quite fascinating, listening to what other members were allegedly up to.

Jess, the member assigned to train her was nice. She was efficient, friendly, and willing to answer questions. She had lived in the outside world for almost 40 years before joining Infinity 8 and had quickly proven herself a valuable and loyal member. She headed various committees and was completely in charge of the annual 8/8 parade.

Tawna sat, watching Jess, and during a lull in reporting, asked her, "What's a cash and carry?"

Jess stopped dead in her tracks, spilling some coffee from her mug. Her brown eyes were wide, almost crazy, "Why would you want to know that?" she squealed as if she'd just been asked the worst question in the world.

Tawna felt her face burn with apprehension. She thought quickly. "I got a call about someone having a piece of paper," she explained, "something about Metro Cash and Carry... I just don't know how to classify it, what it is..."

Her mentor flopped into the chair beside her and leaned forward, "Who?" she demanded.

Tawna shrugged. "What is it?" she repeated.

Jess breathed heavily and clenched her hands tightly, " This is serious!" Her voice was shrill, fearful. "A cash and carry is a huge store, but on the outside. People go there to get food and things. Nobody here should have a paper from there!"

"Why?"

"Because that paper is called a receipt," Jess stood up, waving her arms around in a panic, "Don't you get it? It's a paper that says someone, one of us, was out there. OUT THERE!"

Tawna nodded, her hands shaking.

Jess paced back and forth, mumbling to herself, "They had to have money, it has to be someone high up, regular members don't have money...it has to be someone way high up... Jesus, who? Who? Was there a name? Who? There had to be a name. Outside goods are prohibited!"

Tawna sat quietly. Her heart was in her feet, or what was left of it. There was a name alright, but she wasn't about to reveal it. At least not yet. She had more questions.

"What's beer?" she asked, "and what's a porterhouse?"

Jess gripped the teen by the arms, shaking her, "What do you mean?" Her face was white with fright. "Beer is an intoxicant!" She said it like it was the devil itself, "It's something people on the outside use to numb the pain of their horrible lives! A porterhouse is a steak, it's meat."

Tawna shifted away from Jess's grasp.

"I need to know who!" the senior member of the Information Hotline demanded, "Who! We need to take this straight to the Chairman...Now!" Her eyes were wild with urgency and filled with tears.

"I'll tell him," the young girl replied flatly. "I'll go now."

Jess nodded.

Tawna left. She walked the block and a half to her house, and right past it to the wall. She walked the perimeter until she reached the door. She collapsed in tears, confused, devastated. For the first time in her life, she felt completely and utterly lost.

Why had her father been to these places? Why did the paper from the cash and carry, the receipt, as Jess called it list all the exact items he'd gotten from The Farm? There didn't seem to be any explanation. She couldn't ask him for one. And the one that she came up with, that he was eating meat and acquiring outside goods against his own directives was unfathomable.

She stood up and placed her hand on the door, allowing its coolness to calm her somewhat. It was locked from the inside by a huge metal bar that slid in and out of place.

Tawna touched the handle, gingerly at first, then with a little more force. She pulled it back and the door opened.