Be The Matthew

Choices - they are everywhere – from what to wear to when to sleep to who to trust. Every person has a different time making different choices. Some are easier to make, some are difficult. But sometimes you are left with a thought of what if I chose the other one. Do you believe in destiny, I don’t?

By the way, I went straight into it and I forgot to introduce myself. I am Melody – A bubbly, jolly, adventurous young lady but this wasn’t the case since beginning. Want to know why? Let me walk you through my life changing journey and happily ever after.

Two years ago, my life meant Work, Eat and Sleep. Just like my name, the only other thing I liked was Music. My passion for my paintings was detailed. Usually, I would put on music and paint. I used to think through long nights just to find the one stroke that would make my painting perfect (at least in my opinion). Do not confuse it with perfectionism since it was nothing linked with making the painting more worthy, it was just me trying to criticize myself over the mistakes that others may never notice.

I was presenting at an art gallery when an old artist friend, approached me. He kept looking at me for a few minutes before I hesitantly asked him, “Is something wrong with my painting?”, to which he smirked and moved away. This night after I went home, it was not the stroke on the painting that kept me awake, it was the smirk that he gave.

Few days passed and we coincidentally bumped into each other in a shopping mall. When he was about to leave, I obstructed him and asked him for a coffee. It was unusual for me to solicit someone. He is a kind gentleman and agreed for a coffee. After a few exchanges, I came to the point and asked him about that day. He forgot about it, but I remembered all the haunted nights I had because of his smirk. Trying to recollect what he said, he replied in his mumbling voice,

“There was nothing wrong with the painting… but there is definitely something very wrong with you! The painting I see on your face is not what I like. Give yourself some time young lady.”.

He finished the coffee and left.

His thought blew me. Standing in front of the mirror for hours, I was just thinking, what can be on my face that tells a stranger that I need time for myself? I kept revisiting his lines again and again and again…..

I tried changing my lifestyle. At first, I stopped going to the exhibitions and started selling my painting online believing that I am over working. Then, I recognized that it was not work that affected me. Then, I started going out to parties and malls only to realize that I was not meant for them. I would feel lonely in a crowd of hundreds. So, I locked myself in the house.

Days passed and I started losing interest in my work: my paintings and my music. I was not a Melody anymore. I became a Discord.

One day I just looked outside and thought that I am not happy with what I do. It was high time that I realized the need to explore the world behind my four walls. I made a promise to myself to find out a way to be happy. I packed my luggage and started driving towards the north. The full bloom summer was the best time to explore the bounties of Northern Canada. A highly organized girl started her journey and made a choice to not have a Plan for the first time. With no idea of where to stay and if I would have somewhere to crash, I drove through the hills.

It was a magic that I never experienced earlier, the magic of open air. I was feeling free, full and complete. I stopped at places to enjoy mesmerizing waterfalls, scenic views, and dancing rivers. I was connecting with nature and even more with myself. The sun set and I started looking for a place to spend the night.

While driving, I came across a camp site in the sub-urbs of a small town. It was a tranquil riverside camp. I stopped by and saw people singing and dancing around a bonfire. I stepped back and thought that being around people was a bad idea completely unaware of the fact that it was going to be the best night of my life.

I decided to go against my will and went close to these people. I started looking at them from a small distance. They did not know each other. They were not partying like crazy. But somehow, they were still happy. I still remember a guy playing the guitar at a corner. The fact that he was alone and did not bother if other people are hearing him made me think why he was still happy. I went to him, and he just enjoyed his music, smiling and humming with it. My presence did not affect him. I moved away and he was still unbothered.

Now, my attention quickly shifted to a larger group. They had a lady telling them a story. They were engrossed and as I moved towards them, the lady noticed me and quickly invited me to join. I did not know her, but I sat there listening to her. Everyone took turns and did something even if it was as little as telling a bad joke. Everyone mattered a lot there. They all were happy.

After the session was over, I saw a hiding couple near a tree. They were so much into each other, dancing and spending their hearts together. They were happy too.

I was still thinking, “How could everyone except me be happy? What am I missing? Why can’t I just be like them?"

Searching for my answers, I was floundering. I went to the guy with the guitar and asked him, “You are alone, but you still seem happy. Can I know how?” He politely told me,

“I am happy because I do what I love, and I do not like to talk to people. Excuse me please.”

I was taken aback yet determined in my motive. I went to a lady from the crowd and asked, “What is the reason for your happiness?” She pointed around and said,

“Look around, it is so beautiful. I like nature. I like people and being here makes me happy.”

I met the lady from the couple that I saw and asked her the same question. Signaling towards her partner, she replied,

“I have him, I love him, and I am satisfied. So, I am happy.”

Someone from the crowd noticed me asking all these questions. He came to me and started talking.

Him: Hi, I am Matthew.

Me: Hi, Melody.

Matthew: Nice to meet you, Melody. If you don’t mind, let’s walk towards the trail.

Me: Sure!

After walking a distance, he stopped and sat on a nearby bench.

Me: What happened?

Matthew: Wouldn’t you ask me the same question that you are asking everyone around.

Me: Amm... Ahhh… Were you stalking me?

Matthew: Oh, don’t go off topic. Don’t you want to know the answers. I can answer everything once and for all.

Me: Who are you?

Matthew: See that’s the problem. Ok, I am leaving then. Remember me if you need help.

I did not want to, but something inside me stopped him.

Me: Ok, tell me why am I the only one who is not happy here?

Matthew: First tell me your story and explain what you are looking for.

I told him everything from my work to the old man, up until the time I met him.

Matthew: Hmm... Come sit.

After a long and deep pause, he started.

See all these people around. Someone is alone, someone has a partner, and someone is alone but find a group to be with. Why do you think they do so? This is because they love it in some way or other. They find their happiness. To be happy, you need to love yourself, love your life, know what you want to do, what makes you happy. What others make happy may not even catch your eye. You are just trying to be someone you are not. When you are yourself, you are free, you are alive and that makes you happy. You are just running for other people’s happiness. You are not allowing yourself to be happy. You have enslaved yourself to your own thoughts. Maybe, the word you are looking for is not even happiness, it is “Satisfaction”. You do what you want to, but in an attempt to get more, you are losing out on your biggest asset, “YOUR LIFE, YOU”. You need to be satisfied with what you have, what you do and what you love. This will bring you happiness without running for it. Do you think everyone in this world is happy? No, most of them are either pretending to be or are simply not. They hide it from the world and be in that dark cave for life. These people here know how to enjoy life. They have already found themselves. You have to bring yourself out of the dark cave and make a CHOICE to be happy. Take care.

He went to sleep and that was the end of one of the longest conversations of my life.

I went into the introspection zone and thought about it and to no surprise after what he said, yes, it was me, who was making myself unhappy. I did not want to be happy, but I wanted to look happy. It was my choice of living the way, I was.

And that was it. I threw away that ugly task of trying to find happiness. I started feeling happy.

Now, here I am introducing myself as the bubbly, adventurous girl. I still do not sit and talk with people. Like the guy with guitar said, “I don’t like people.” And so, I go to treks and hikes alone. I enjoy the bounty around me. I take my canvas and paint anywhere I want. I dance like crazy to the slumber songs. I am me and I am alive now.

Now, you would think why I told you this story. It is because I want to be the Matthew of someone’s life and want to make the minimum impact of making someone happy.

Also, what about Choices and Destiny where I started off.

Being unhappy is not our Destiny, it is our Choice.

Some of you may argue that it was my destiny that I met Matthew and it was my destiny that my life was about to change. Or some may think, what if I never met the old guy or never ever bothered about what he said. My answer to all that would be, the glass can be half full or half empty. Instead of arguing for it, see the positive side that you have water. Make the right choices, make the choice to be Happy then maybe you can leave it up to destiny but

“ACT and find yourself and LIVE before it is too late.”

And If you find yourself before or after reading this story, Be the Matthew. Teach people to learn to be happy.

And yes, not all "happily ever afters" need you to have a partner.